Colchester Oyster Ceremony
Colchester, Essex
1 September

There is a civic ceremony to open the oyster season in Colchester which takes place every year on 1 September, in a tradition dating back almost a thousand years. The Mayor, the Town Clerk and members of the council, along with members of the Fishery Board, embark from Brightlingsea in a fishing boat for the oyster beds in Pyfleet Creek. Here the clerk, in robes of office, reads the ancient proclamation of 1256. This declares that: the fishing rights in the River Colne 'from time beyond which memory runneth not to the contrary', belong and appertain to the Corporation of the Borough of Colchester. After a loyal toast is drunk, pieces of gingerbread are eaten and glasses of gin are . swallowed. The Mayor, in full regalia, then lowers the trawl dredge up the first oysters of the season, one of which by tradition he must swallow himself.

Colchester oysters were famous even before Roman times, and it was Richard I in 1156 who bestowed the Colne Fishing Rights on the Borough of Colchester. There used to be a magnificent civic Oyster Feast towards the end of October, but the extravagance of this was curtailed by the Municipal Reform Act of 1835. The tradition is carried on today, somewhat abated, and takes in the Moot Hall on or around 20 October.

Egremont Crab Fair
Egremont, Cumberland
Saturday nearest 18 September

Egremont Crab Fair is exceptional for an event that takes place nowhere else. This is the World Gurning Championship, one of the many sporting events on offer throughout the day. The fair commences at dawn, when a greasy pole is erected, on top of which is placed a prize, which can be of food, such as a leg of lamb, or cash. There is an Applecart Parade, when apples are thrown from the back of a lorry and are scrambled for by youngsters, and many other sporting events associated with the area. There are street races, as well as a proper athletics meeting, hound trails, Cumberland and Westmorland wrestling and a terrier show. In the evening, the unusual events occur, such as competitions for best sentimental song-singer, the best junior joke-teller, the fastest clay-pipe smoker - all culminating in the Gurning Championship of the World. This has to be done through a horse-collar, called 'gurning through a braffin', and one is specially kept for the purpose. Gurning, quite simply, is making the most horrible facial expression imaginable.

 Egremont was granted a charter to hold a fair in 1267, though why it became known as the crab fair, or 't'crab', is not known. It is thought that at one time crab apples were distributed, instead of the more palatable ones used today, and that it celebrated the right of the local people to collect them - though since they grow wild and are free for anyone to pick, this seems fanciful. Another suggestion is that the Lord of the Manor, whose custom it was to attend the fair, distributed crab apples among the commonality.

As to the gurning, it is certain that anyone biting into a crab apple would make much the same expression as those you can see on the faces of the contestants in the gurning championship.