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Wendy News
December 15, 1998
Issue #4
How could you?
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Contents, My Darling:
o Where Am I?
o My New Gig
o Speaking in Chicago
o Movie Reviews
o Really Official Credits
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Where Am I?
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Right? Aren't you wondering what the heck is going on? So am I. The guy that volunteered to send out my newsletter has disappeared into oblivion and taken my list of subscribers with him. Was I duped? Will I ever get my list back? Am I an idiot for not keeping my own copy of the list?
Oh, the humanity.
But write I must! So until I figure out some way to send out this newsletter, I'm posting it here, on my demure website, and hoping that at least some of you show up to read it. Back to the basics.
And don't bother going to www.wendyhall.com anymore. No one has ever told me how I can update it, so it's very stale. Whatever.
I am FINE, as are the kitties. Yesterday my mom's cat Lucy actually licked Grover on the forehead, so we are thrilled at the progress. Still some hissing and spitting, but for the most part it seems like fun and games. Grover's running a little slow right now, so I'm keeping an eye on him. A few weeks ago Milo Edward had a low-grade fever and was anemic, of all things. Antibiotics and some vitamins and he's back to his old self. So I hope Grovey didn't pick up anything.
I'm so glad you're here reading this. Keep going.
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My New Gig
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So because I live with mom and rent and living expenses are lower than they used to be, I really don't have to make a lot of money to get by. I say this to explain why I went out and got a job for the fun of it. I'm a character at a theme park. I can't tell you which theme park because I did sign a disclosure statement and I don't want to wake up dead. So use your imagination. A theme park.
What's a character? It's one of the few and bold to get dressed up in a costume and pretend they are a dog, or a pig, or a monkey, or a soldier... you get the idea. I've been all four of those things. I've also been a saucy little elf (hey, it's Christmas) which was fun because I basically got to wear an outfit I'd wear any other day -- short twirly skirt, tights, boots, and a furry jacket with a hood. Plus people say stuff to you like, "Can we get your picture with you? You're so beautiful!" Hey, hey, hey, I'll be an elf any time to hear that. THAT I'd do for free.
It is a nutty, nutty job. And I am basically living the life of a twenty year old but for now, I am really enjoying it. It's like summer camp. Actually, it's summer camp crossed with General Hospital crossed with high school. Almost everyone I work with is really young (22 or younger) and, ahem, not exactly grown up yet. (How's that for glass houses. I know I'm no shining example, but I feel I have lived life and know a few things that perhaps I did not know only three or four years ago. You get the idea. When I'm thirty I'll wax poetic on how stupid I was at 26.)
Everyone flirts shamelessly with everyone else, so much so that I still can't quite tell who is attached to who. One person I think is going out with someone I later find out is actually engaged to someone who lives in Georgia. Um, okay. It's confusing. The characters do date each other, and a handful are even married/engaged. Of course most of them are far too young to be participating in that kind of behavior, but I guess that's the nature of being human. We jump right in.
The endless "rules and regulations" in this job are ludricrous and giving me even more high school nightmares than usual. Reporting everything you do, clocking in and out, having "points" given to you for some sort of bad deed like showing up three minutes late to warm-ups. Crazy. Especially after working in offices for the past four years. So far I haven't gotten in trouble for anything, but I don't know what I'll do when and if it happens. Especially since some of the people who are "above" me are like, 21. Hard to take any of it seriously.
Which in and of itself is SUCH a relief. I don't care if I keep this job. If they fire me, fine. If I decide to quit, fine. I'd actually be making more money temping in offices, but I'm having some fun, so I stay. I get to hug kids (and yes, grown ups) all day. And watch their faces light up when they see me. And make them laugh. It's an amazing job, and I feel honored to be a part of their lives for however short a time.
I have stories to tell -- new ones every day -- but I'll just cover the basics today. Gotta save some stuff for future newsletters. There are bad days as well, and bad kids, but most especially bad parents, which is a good lesson for me. I spent years disliking children and now I've grown to understand it's the PARENTS I don't like. The children will behave if they are given limits. It's amazing how many parents don't do their children the service of helping them be pleasant to be around. What a mistake.
Oh, am I preaching. Me with my two cats and no kids. Okay, okay, suffice it to say that there are good and bad things about this job, just like every other job, but most of all, it's like nothing I've ever done before. Wanna know what it's like to be Tom Cruise (or really, the Olsen twins)? Do this job. The big difference being that you can get out of your costume at the end of the day and everyone ignores you again. Which is a HUGE relief after a day of autographs, pictures and tugging.
Woof.
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Speaking in Chicago
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I recently spoke at an Intranet Corporate Communications conference. Which is hilarious in itself. Me, speaking at a conference. Like I'm a grown up or something. They asked me to speak about how to add humor and interactivity to an online newsletter. Despite the stuffy title of the conference, I figured they knew what they were doing asking ME, so I went.
I still don't really know how I went over, but I can tell you most of what happened. The details I don't remember, but the overall gist I do.
I didn't get nervous until 30 minutes before I had to speak, which is stellar for me -- I got into Chicago 24 hours before I had to speak. I spent the day and evening shopping along Magnificent Mile, dining on chowder and attending a cocktail party For Speakers Only. I also took a nice warm bath and watched "Picture Perfect" on HBO. Wasn't nervous at all.
The next morning I had to make 100 copies of the sheet I was passing out -- it was actually a Top Ten list of why you should attend my speech that was supposed to go in the conference packet but didn't make it in (along with my biography -- rats). I also bought two big bags of peppermints, mostly because they were the cheapest thing I could find and because NO ONE around had cocktail monkeys or anything fun of any sort in their bar. I got suspicious, slightly irritated looks when I asked the various barkeeps this question. Que pasa?
Here's the Top Ten list, just so you know what everyone was getting into:
Top 10 Reasons to Come to Wendy Hall's Online Newsletter Session:
10. Free Starlight(TM) Mints.
9. You'll find out why you should be brief. Nuff said.
8. You'll discover how to keep boredom away from your newsletter! (including handy tips on getting marshmallow Fluff out of fabrics.)
7. Get sly tricks on how to get FREE writers (a.k.a. getting readers involved with guest columns and letters to the editor).
6. What is the capital of Florida?
5. You'll be encouraged to be your own bad self and find your voice.
4. See how to keep readers coming back for more!
3. Lots of other attendees to throw Starlight(TM) Mints at.
2. Hear the fascinating tale of a successful online company newsletter (sung to the tune of "John Henry Was a Steel Driving Man").
1. Well, for Pete's sake, isn't it time you did something for YOU??
So it goes without saying that if you didn't like my top ten list, you weren't going to like me.
At least one person didn't like me. This I know for sure.
I was nervous, but I armed myself with water for my cotton mouth and started my speech, after having handed everyone mints and Top Ten lists (a harrowing experience in itself -- some people were not amused. yeesh). I was going pretty good guns and even got a few good laughs (usually unintentionally, but still) before I began talking about the whole adding humor thing. I was stressing that the internet is a more casual environment, and that it is refreshing to not be "all corporate."
That's when she raised her hand. I call her Ms. Corporate Who Likes to Pull the Wings Off Flies For Fun. But Ms. Corporate for short.
The questions weren't supposed to be until after, but I called on her. She gave me a condescending smile and said, "Yes, I was wondering if you could help me. I work for a big corporation that is very professional and I came here for ideas on how to add humor to a newsletter, but you're talking about telling stories about your cats and well, that doesn't help me. So I was wondering if you could help me with some ideas on how to add humor to a professional, corporate newsletter."
I stood there. Crickets began chirping. I couldn't believe this was happening. I was prepared for a lot of things, but not this. Not someone raising their hand in the middle of my talk and basically making fun of me. Or whatever.
I answered, "Well, it really depends on your company and what your management wants. Obviously not everyone can tell stories about their lives, but you can inject humor with jokes and other quirky things like fake horoscopes." She shot right back, "Yes, but I work for a VERY corporate company, and I was wondering if you could help me because I need ideas on how to add humor to a CORPORATE newsletter." Still with that condescending smile.
I stood there and finally shrugged. I couldn't really think clearly anyway, because I was in front of 100 people, so I sure as heck couldn't come up with something sharp and witty. Instead I said, "Well, you got me. If you work for a big corporate company that doesn't want anything quirky or light in their newsletter, then I really can't help you." Then I stood there hoping she would walk out. She didn't.
Instead, another attendee raised her hand. She looked at Ms. Corporate and said, "Well, you should find me at lunch, because I have LOTS of ideas on things you can do to add humor even in a VERY corporate environment...." She went on to explain various different methods she had used and sincerely invited Ms. Corporate to have lunch with her. Someone was sticking up for me.
Another hand went up. This gentleman addressed Ms. Corporate's "remarks" by giving further examples of things he had done and assuring her that he worked for "the most boring, most corporate company on the face of the earth."
What a relief. Rescued. Hey, it was my first time speaking like this. I had a heckler. I was stumped.
It was pretty much smooth sailing from there, although I thought quite a lot of people got up and left, especially during Ms. Corporate's assault on me. I admit I started to babble there a little at the end (I have that problem when I'm nervous) and I sort of lost concentration, but overall I consider it a HUGE triumph that I did it at all. So I'm proud of myself.
I don't know if I'll ever do it again, but I'm proud.
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Movie Reviews
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A BUG'S LIFE
Dave Foley, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Kevin Spacey
I saw this on Thanksgiving day and LOVED it. It's not only cute for the kids (not too scary, good message), but it's funny for adults as well as kids. I liked it even better than Toy Story. (Well, I really didn't like that evil kid in Toy Story. He was just too scary for me.)
The animation is beautiful, so please see it on the big screen. It will sincerely not be even CLOSE to the same movie on the small screen. Dave Foley (from "Newsradio") was darling as our hero Flik, and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss put in a good-enough performance for the Princess, who really wasn't much of a character. My favorites were Tuck and Roll, a couple of dung beetles who spoke gibberish and were irrepressibly happy. They made the movie for me.
Stay seated for ALL the credits at the end! You'll be glad you did.
ENEMY OF THE STATE
Will Smith, Gene Hackman, Regina King
I dunno. I guess this movie WAS entertaining. Gene Hackman and Will Smith were a good team, and although it definitely wasn't a comedy, it had some good lines in it. All the Big Brother, they're constantly watching you stuff was intriguing and made for great story. It WAS a great story... until they wrapped it up at the end.
It's probably why you won't be hearing a whole lot about this movie -- they ended it in a much simpler fashion than it called for. I mean, the plot was complicated, and you really wondered how they were going to get out alive and then BAM, a happy ending and no one is for the worse. No one even had to move to a new house. Know what I mean?
It's good enough to rent. Do that.
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Really Official Credits!
Editor, Writer, Smitten: Wendy Hall
To write to Wendy, send the gal an e-mail at:
hall_wendy@hotmail.com
To visit Wendy's website, go to:
http://www.oocities.org/soho/studios/1232 -- we'll stay here for awhile.
"Wendy News" is a Girl Planet Production. Copyright 1998,
All Rights Reserved. Any stealing, cheating, backstabbing,
duplication or otherwise funky bad behavior without permission from Wendy Hall will
result in Girl Planet Productions finding you and doing whatever thing it is you fear the most (we'll find out).
My work here is done.
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