Steve Lutz likes to refer to himself as the "next Hemingway". Most people fail to see the parallel, given that Ernest Hemingway was a good writer, and furthermore, was not born in Papua New Guinea (neither was Steve Lutz; we just thought that was a fun fact). Turns out he’s talking about Marv Hemingway, the semi-retarded custodian at his junior high school. Trust us, the resemblance is uncanny.

David Footlick has written absolutely nothing on this web site because he is a lazy bastard. However, his name has been included here anyway, due solely to the fact that it’s FOOTLICK!

Zander Collier III is bitter because Zander Collier II saw fit to torture him with the family name. He copes by sitting out on his front lawn at dusk, wearing nothing but a pair of crotchless overalls, simultaneously chewing Red Man Tobacco and smoking a corn cob pipe. The appropriate authorities have been notified.

John Grondalski should be writing something for this site at this very moment. But he’s not, because the only thing he’s done in the last five years is get plowed on fortified wine and sit in his darkened room making swirlies on the wall with his blue laser pointer. For this he will receive a Ph.D. in Physics.

Bachelor Dick resents being called "Swiss Cheese Butt", despite the fact that his backside both smells like cheese and has at least one sizeable hole. Fortunately, no one ever calls him that, though it’s probably because nobody can get close enough to him through the stifling cloud of Hai Karate that follows him everywhere.

If you would like to be part of this illustrious band, I pity you greatly. Nonetheless, and despite my better judgement, I suggest you send mail here.

Otherwise, go home.