The Real Slim Shady
Eminem
"May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here|"
You all act you've never seen a white person before,
jaws all on the floor like Pam n Tommy just burst in the door,
and started whoopin her ass worse than before they firstly divorced
someone over furniture *ahhh!* It's the return of the,
o wait, no wait, your kidding?
He didn't just say what I thought he did, did he?
And Dr. Dre said: nothing you idiots
Dr. Dre's dead he's locked in my basement *ha ha*
Feminist women love Eminem, 'chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady,
I'm sick of him, look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what
flippin the you-know-who.' 'Yeah but he's so cute though'
Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose,
but no worse than what's going on in your parents bedrooms
Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose, but I can't,
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
'My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips,
and if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss'
and that's the message that we deliver to little kids
and expect 'em not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is
by the time they hit fourth grade,
they've got the Discovery Channel don't they?
We ain't nothing but mammals;
well some of us cannibals who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope (yeah!)
But if you feel how I feel about the antidote,
women wear your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes
***I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady,
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating,
so won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up? Please stand up?
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records,
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too,
You think I gave a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me,
'But Slim what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?'
Why, so you guys can just lie to get me here?
so you can sit next me here next to Britney Spears?
Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst,
hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first,
little bitch put me on blast on MTV,
'Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, hee hee!'
I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world
how you gave Eminem VD I'm sick of all you little girl and boy groups,
all you do is annoy me, so I have been sent her to destroy you *shit*
And there's a million of us just like me,
who cuss like me, who don't give a fuck like me,
who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me,
who just might be the next best thing but not quite me!
I'm like a head trip to listen to,
cause I'm only giving you things you joke about
with your friends inside your living room
the only difference is I got the balls to say it,
in front of y'all and I don't got to be false or sugarcoated at all,
I just get on the mike and spit it, and whether you'd like to admit it,
I just shit it better than 90% of you rappers out there,
then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums up
like valiums it's funny, Cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30,
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting,
pinching nurses’ asses while I'm jackin off with Jergens,
but I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't workin'
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking,
who could be working at Burger King, spittin on you onion rings,
or in the parking lot circlin screamin 'I don't give a fuck'
with his windows down and his system up
So will the real Shady please stand up,
and put one of those fingers on each hand up,
and be proud to be out of you mind and out of control
and one more time, loud as you can, how’s it go?
---- end ----