DISCLAIMER AND AUTHOR'S NOTE: All Buffy The Vampire Slayer stuff belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fiction. All other characters that appear belong to me. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies may be made for private use only and must include this copyright notice and disclaimer. There is some subtext in this story. If this kind of stuff is not legal where you live, if you're under 18 or if you don't like the notion of two women being in love, then you should find something else to read. This story is set after the Buffy The Vampire Slayer episode Bad Girls.

Blind Faith
By Kristjan Brezovnik

A week or so after Buffy found out that Faith was working for the Mayor, Faith fought a demon she'd never seen before. He was tough to kill, but Faith enjoyed the challenge, plus, it enabled her to let out her frustrations. But when she finally killed it, its' blood, or whatever it was using for that purpose, erupted from the wound, covering Faith. Faith groaned and quickly wiped the stuff off her face. She looked at herself and decided to go home and take a shower.

As she walked home, she suddenly started to see less and less. For a moment she thought that the lights were going off, but when she looked around, she saw that the lights were okay. She realized that something was wrong with her eyesight. She started running.

By the time she got to the apartment, the only thing she could see were shadows and even they were disappearing quickly. She went to the bathroom and quickly started washing her eyes, hoping the water would wash away whatever had gotten into them.

But when even the shadows disappeared, Faith stopped. She was scared. She considered calling the Mayor, but she wasn't quite sure if he would help her or consider her a liability and kill her. She decided to take a shower, hoping her eyes would heal over night.

When Faith woke up in the morning, everything was dark. She frowned and reached for her lamp. But as she switched it on and the darkness remained, she remembered that she was blind. She tensed, scared. She didn't know what to do. She had no friends and those she served would just as soon kill her than help her.

She lay in bed for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to do, but she couldn't think of anything. She finally got up and went to the bathroom.

After hiding in her apartment for a couple of days, Faith finally had to go out. What little food she'd had in the fridge was long gone and she was hungry. She considered ordering in, but she realized that it would cost her more. Since she had no income, she decided to go out. However, it took her a while to gather the courage. She seriously considered turning herself in, but she knew that the Mayor would find out.

So she took the staff from the wardrobe and went out. It took her a while get used to not seeing, but since she knew the town well, she didn't have problems finding Doublemeat Palace.

After three days of journeying to the Doublemeat Palace, Faith's money was slowly running out. She was scared. She had no more money and no way of getting more. And she knew that she had to get out of the Mayor's apartment as soon as possible, but she couldn't afford it. At least it was free. And on top of it all, she felt useless. She couldn't do anything. At least before she was a Slayer, she could fight demons, now she couldn't even do that. Of course, the fact that she fought demons to protect other demons now didn't make her feel any better.

"Faith. Hello."

Faith tensed, surprised.

"Mrs S."

She concentrated, but she couldn't feel Buffy.

"I haven't seen you in a while."

"Uh, yeah, I've been, uh, busy."

"Buffy said something about you two having split up?"

"Uh, yeah."

Joyce noticed that Faith wasn't looking at her.

"Are you okay?" she asked and waved her hand in front of her, but Faith didn't react.

"Yeah, five by five."

Joyce then noticed the staff. She moved closer and slowly moved her fingers toward Faith's eyes, but Faith didn't notice.

"Oh, my god, you're blind," she realized.

"What?" Faith said, tense.

"You're blind."

"I'm fine."

"How long have you been like this?"

"I'm fine," Faith said and looked away.

"Have you been to a doctor?"

"I hate hospitals."

"I know, I'm not fond of them either, but they can help you. How long have you been blind?"

Faith sighed, realizing that lying about her state wasn't going to help.

"A week. I think."

"What happened?" Joyce asked as she sat down.

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"I was fighting a demon. I killed him, but his blood was all over me and it got into my eyes."

"I see. Why didn't you call Buffy?"

Faith snorted.

"We're not exactly friends these days." She sighed. "Not that we ever were," she added quietly, but Joyce heard her anyway.

"Why don't you eat up and then I'll take you to a doctor, see if they can help."

Faith thought about. On one hand, she hated hospitals, but on the other, she wanted her eyesight back.

"Okay."

Joyce smiled.

"I'll just go get me some coffee."

After Faith was done, Joyce took her to the hospital.

"Well, your eyes are okay," the doctor said after she examined Faith's eyes.

"Then why am I blind?"

"I'm not sure. Could be that whatever got into your eyes damaged your nerves. I'll need to do a CAT scan."

"I can't afford a CAT scan."

"Your insurance should cover that."

"I'm not insured."

"You're not?"

"No."

"I'll cover for her," Joyce said.

"I see. Very well, let's go to the nurse."

"You okay, honey?" Joyce asked when they sat in the car.

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"Why are you doing this?"

Joyce frowned.

"Doing what?"

"Helping me."

Joyce smiled.

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"You barely know me."

"Well, you are Buffy's friend and a sister Slayer."

"Would you do that for Willow? Or Xander?"

"They have their own families, you don't." Faith sighed. "Hey, it'll be okay. Let's go to that school now."

"It's kinda beside the point. I can't afford to go there."

"How about we go find out how we can get you in, hmm?"

"Whatever," Faith murmured.

Joyce sighed, not sure what to do to make Faith feel better.

"Okay, we're here," Joyce said when they arrived. She looked at Faith and saw that she was distressed. "You okay, honey?"

"I'm fucking blind," Faith said.

"It's not the end of the world."

"For you maybe. I'm useless. I can't even be a Slayer now."

Joyce reached over and covered Faith's hands with her own.

"You're not useless, Faith," she said. "And you're not alone either."

"Right."

"I'll be there for you, Faith, but I can't help you if you keep pushing me away. Work with me Faith, don't give up."

"That's easy for you to say."

"Feeling sorry for yourself won't help you," Joyce said sternly. "Trust me, Faith."

"The last person I trusted tried to take over the world."

Joyce sighed, realizing she would have to gain Faith's trust.

"Come, let's go inside."

"What's the point?"

"Humor me. There are a lot of blind people around and that doesn't stop them from living. Come, let's see if we can find someone blind for you to talk to."

Faith sighed.

She wasn't really looking forward to this, but she realized that Joyce had a point. She was still scared though.

They got out of the car, and then Joyce led Faith inside.

When they got to the Principal's office, Joyce knocked.

"Come!" came from the inside.

They entered.

"Hello," Joyce said. "I'm Joyce Summers and this is Faith."

"Hello," the Principal said.

"Faith has only lost sight a week ago."

"I see."

"I was wondering if she could talk to someone here, someone blind, so they could tell her what it's like to be blind."

"Yes, of course." The Principal got up and went to the door. "Hey, Debbie! Come here a moment, please."

"Yes, Mr. Ardant?" Debbie asked as she approached.

"Come in." Mr Ardant closed the door after her. "Do you have the time? Five, ten minutes?"

"Sure."

"Good. There's this girl, Faith. She's just recently lost sight and she'd like to talk to someone about what it's like to be blind."

"Sure."

Mr Ardent looked at Joyce.

"Debbie here has been blind since she was seven."

"Hello, Debbie," Joyce said.

"Hello," Debbie said.

"Faith, why don't you go with Debbie,” Joyce told Faith. “Ask her anything you want to know. I'll talk to Mr Ardent."

"Okay," Faith said reluctantly.

Joyce led her to Debbie.

"Hi," Debbie said when Faith put her hand on Debbie's shoulder.

"Eh, hi," Faith said.

"We'll be in the park," Debbie told Mr Ardant and Joyce.

"Okay," Mr Ardant said. He opened the door for them and then closed them.

"Thank you," Joyce said.

"No problem," Mr Ardant said as he went back to his desk. "I noticed she doesn't have a staff yet."

"No."

Mr Ardant went to his closet and took one out.

"Here."

"Thank you so much."

"Have a seat."

"Thank you," Joyce said and sat down.

"So, tell me, is there any hope of her regaining sight?"

"I honestly don't know. We've just been to a doctor and he scheduled her for a CAT scan. Her eyes are okay, but her nerves might not be."

"I see."

"Right now she's pretty scared and she feels useless. She doesn't know what to do."

"Yes, that's usually the case with people when they lose sight. She'll need strong support."

"Yes, I know."

"Do you want to enroll her here?"

"Well, not yet, I'd like to wait for the results of the CAT scan first. But I would like what the conditions are and some other stuff."

"No problem.

"And also, if there's any way to teach Faith how to live as a blind person, you know, without enrolling her."

"No problem."

After she was done with Mr Ardant, Joyce went to the park. She saw Debbie was doing most of the talking, while Faith listened, subdued. She didn't have to be a psychologist to see that Faith was terrified. She sat on a bench nearby and observed Faith.

When Debbie was apparently done, she escorted Faith back to the building. Joyce quickly overtook them and then approached them.

"Oh, hello," she said. "Are you done?"

"Uh, yeah," Faith said.

"Are you ready to leave or do you want to speak to Mr Ardent?"

"Leave."

"Okay." Joyce stepped closer so she could lead Faith. "Thank you, Debbie."

"No problem, Ma'am," Debbie said. "Bye, Faith."

"Uh, bye," Faith said.

"Come," Joyce said. They started back for the car. "Oh, hold on," Joyce suddenly remembered. "Mr Arden gave me a staff for you," she said and took it out of her purse. "You know, the kind that the blind people use. Here." She stretched it and gave it to Faith. "It will help you get around."

"Uh, thanks," Faith said.

Now she felt depressed again. Talking to Debbie had helped her a little, but now the staff was reminding her again how helpless she was. She hated depending on others.

"Mr Arden said you can come here in the afternoon and hang out with the other kids. They can show you how to read Braille."

"What?"

"Braille. It's what the blind use for reading."

"You mean those dots?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"I can bring you here in the afternoons, and in the mornings, you can hang out at the gallery, if you want. So you won't be alone."

"Uh…" Faith thought about it. On one hand, she didn’t want to hang out with Joyce all day, no matter how much she liked her, but on the other hand, she didn't really know what else to do. And as much as she hated blindness, she knew that she needed to learn how to function as a blind person, if she wanted to survive. Which, for the moment, she did, even though she felt completely useless. "Okay."

Joyce smiled at her.

"Good."

"Just don't tell Buffy about it."

"Actually, I was thinking you could move in with us."

Faith looked at her, even though she didn't see her.

"With you?"

"Yes. I mean, before you could take care of yourself, but now you can't. I mean, not as much as you used to. Plus, you're a Slayer and if the demons find out you're blind, you'll be a target."

Faith sighed.

"I know." She hesitated for a moment. "That's exactly why I can't move in with you."

"You're worried the demons would come into our house?"

"Yeah."

"But at least there's Buffy to protect you."

Faith snorted.

"Not likely. Plus, if she finds out I'm blind, then the Council will soon know as well and I don't really want to go to England."

"You think they'll kidnap you?"

"They've tried before."

"Where are you staying now?"

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"At an apartment." She hesitated for a moment. "But it's not safe anymore."

"Where do you want me to take you?"

Faith gulped.

"I don't know." She hesitated again. "I can't afford anything."

"How about a motel then?"

"I can't afford it."

"I'll pay for it."

Faith looked at her, hating to be a charity case.

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

Faith wanted to snap back, but she held her tongue. She knew that her survival depended on Joyce, whatever Joyce's motives might be. She sighed.

“Okay,” she quietly agreed.

First, they went to Faith’s apartment.

“Nice place,” Joyce commented when they got there.

“Yeah,” Faith said.

“Need help packing?”

“No, I can manage,” Faith said. She hesitated for a moment. “Here, hold this,” she said and gave Joyce the staff. Then she slowly walked toward her closet and started packing.

In the mean time, Joyce looked around the room, wondering how Faith could afford the apartment and why it wasn’t safe anymore. As she watched Faith stumble around the room, she realized that losing eyesight must be terrifying to Faith. She knew that Faith was a very independent girl and she guessed it must be frustrating for her to be dependant on someone. She hoped that hanging out with other blind kids would help Faith regain some of her self-consciousness. She decided to ask Buffy about why they weren’t friends anymore, she hoped it would help her understand Faith better.

When Faith was done, Joyce did a quick inspection to make sure that everything was packed. Then she took her out for lunch, bought her something for dinner and after that, she took her to a decent motel. Faith was obviously surprised and Joyce could see that it bothered her, but she didn’t want her to stay at the Downtowner or some other seedy joint.

She described the room to Faith and also the general layout of the building, should she need to go out. When she was sure that Faith would be okay, she left, assuring her that she would pick her up in the morning.

When she was finally alone, Faith did another tour of her apartment to get a better feeling of it. Then she unpacked. When she was done, she sat on the bed, a little lost. She’d felt lost before, but now that Joyce was helping her, she was also confused. She didn’t understand why. Not to mention that she absolutely hated being a charity case. But she couldn’t refuse Joyce’s help, not if she wanted to survive. Which, at least for the moment, she did.

At home, Joyce waited until dinner to ask Buffy about Faith. After Buffy reluctantly told her, Joyce understood why Faith didn’t trust Buffy and why Faith went to the Mayor. She now also guessed that Faith’s apartment belonged to the Mayor and that Faith was now afraid of him. She realized that she was the only person on Faith’s side. Not that she was against Buffy, but she wanted to help Faith get back on her feet. And, hopefully, she could also help Faith get back on the right track of helping people.

The next morning, Joyce picked Faith up at the motel. First, they went out for breakfast and then they went to the gallery. Joyce kept Faith engaged in a conversation, trying to stop her from brooding.

Faith was annoyed that Joyce had to pay for her breakfast and she hated being so dependant on Joyce. She was glad that Joyce was helping her, but she still hated it. Fortunately, Joyce’s constant talking kept her occupied and she didn’t brood too much. She tried to respond to Joyce, to show her that she appreciated the help.

In the afternoon, Joyce took Faith to the school for the blind. Faith was a bit nervous, but Joyce kept encouraging her and so she felt that she would be okay. At least she would hang out with Debbie, whom she’d already met.

“Hello, Debbie,” Joyce said when Mr Ardent brought them to the girl.

“Hello,” Debbie said.

“I brought Faith.”

“Oh. Hi, Faith.”

“Hi,” Faith said.

“I’ll pick you up in, say, three hours,” Joyce told Faith.

“Okay.”

“And if you want to go home sooner, Mr Ardent has my number.”

“Okay.”

“Have fun.”

“Yeah.”

Joyce and Mr Ardent left.

“So, what do you want to do?” Debbie asked.

Faith shrugged.

“Don’t know.”

“Wanna learn how to read?”

Faith frowned.

“Read?”

“Yeah, you know, Braille.”

“Oh.” Faith thought about it. “Um, okay,” she said, hoping the blind had some good books.

Three hours later, Joyce picked up Faith.

“So, how was it?” she asked as they walked toward the car.

Faith shrugged.

“Okay. She was teaching me how to read Braille.”

“And?”

“I’ll have to practice some more.”

Joyce smiled.

“Practice makes perfect.”

“Yeah.”

“Hungry?”

Faith tensed, realizing that Joyce would pay for her food yet again.

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

A month later, when Faith had long since accepted that she would never see again, she suddenly got the feeling that the darkness wasn’t so dark anymore. She’d finally gotten used to being blind, so she didn’t get her hopes up and she didn’t tell Joyce either.

But a week later, when she looked at the sky, she could definitely see a little. It was all foggy and grey, but she could definitely see the light. She didn’t tell Joyce, however, a part of her fearing that Joyce wouldn’t help her anymore if she thought Faith could see.

As her sight started improving, Faith practiced moving without using touch. When she was finally move without bumping into things, she told Joyce that her eyesight was improving. Joyce took her to the doctor, but he couldn’t tell what was going on.

When her eyesight improved enough that she could see clearly on short distances, Faith finally started thinking about the future. Being blind had scared the hell out of her, but there were people who had helped her though that time, especially Joyce and Debbie. Their selfless help had had an enormous influence on Faith, even though she hated to admit it to herself. And now she didn’t know what to do. She’d been a nobody, a victim, when she was young, then she became a Slayer, and then a murderer. She wasn’t a victim now, but she was still in need of help. And deep down she felt the need to pay Joyce and Debbie back, Joyce with the money she owed her and Debbie by visiting. It was a strange feeling, being in debt.

Being helpless also changed her perspective a little. She knew that going to the Mayor had been a mistake, as was alienating Buffy, she hated being her enemy. She still distrusted Buffy, but she wanted to become friends with her. First, however, she had to learn how to be a responsible Slayer. Being blind had taught her that even though life as a Slayer was short, she shouldn’t live just for the moment. The whole new worldview made her feel uncomfortable, but having a plan, even if just a very broad one, made her feel a little better. Sure, she might get killed tomorrow and she might never reach her goal, but it was the journey that mattered, not the road. Right?

Finally, Faith’s eyesight was 20-20 again. She was so happy she felt like crying. She couldn’t wait to tell Joyce.

“Hi,” she said with a smile when Joyce arrived to pick her up in the morning.

Joyce smile.

“You look radiant this morning.”

“Yeah. My sight’s back to normal again,” Faith said, excited.

“Really?”

“Yeah. See that green pole over there?”

Joyce looked.

“That one?” she asked, pointing.

“Yeah. I can read what it says on the sticker.”

“Really?” Joyce squinted. “I can only make out a couple of letters.”

Faith beamed.

“Yeah, I’m back.”

Joyce smiled at her.

“We got to celebrate that.”

Faith frowned.

“Celebrate?”

“Of course. We’ll get some cake for dessert and to hell with diets.”

Faith grinned.

“You like living dangerously.”

Joyce smirked.

“Danger’s my middle name.”

Faith chuckled.

“Right.”

“Come, let’s eat.”

“Okay.”

Faith grabbed the staff and locked up.

“What are you going to do with the staff?” Joyce asked.

“Return it.”

“Oh.”

Faith hesitated for a moment.

“Plus, I’m going to visit Debbie.”

Joyce smiled.

“You’re going to keep visiting her?”

Faith shrugged.

“Yeah.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. Oh yes, and just because you can see now, that doesn’t mean you’re not welcome at the gallery anymore.”

“Thanks.” She hesitated for a moment. “And, uh, I’ll, uh, pay you back.”

Joyce stopped and looked at her.

“Faith, I helped you because I wanted you, not because I expected you to pay me back.”

Faith looked at her feet, nervous.

“I know, I mean…”

Joyce reached out with her hand and cupped Faith’s cheek, making her look up.

“It’s okay, Faith, you don’t owe me anything.”

“But…” Faith started, feeling like a little girl.

“You don’t expect people you save from demons to pay you, do you?”

Faith frowned.

“No.”

“Well then. Now, I don’t want you to move in some sleazy motel, just because you can’t afford this one. I’m guessing you’re going to get a job. Right?”

Faith nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Good. And if you won’t make enough for the rent, I’ll help you out, okay?”

Faith gulped. All this selfless help from Joyce was making her feel strange.

“Okay,” she said, hoping she didn’t sound like she was croaking.

Joyce smiled.

“Good. And if you need help with finding a job, you know where to find me.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Now come, I’m starving.”

Joyce continued to the car, and Faith followed her, thinking about what Joyce had said.

After breakfast, Faith went looking for a job. She wanted a morning job so that she could avoid running into Buffy. After several hours of searching, she got hired as a waitress at a club. The scene was right up her alley, but she was surprised to discover that she wanted more. She didn’t want to be a waitress all her life. She wasn’t sure what it was that she wanted to do, but she knew that waitressing wasn’t it.

As she walked to Joyce’s gallery, she thought about where she was in her life. She’d alienated all her would-be friends and she couldn’t go back to the Mayor either. The only person that actually cared about whether she lived or died was Joyce. Well, and maybe Debbie, she wasn’t quite sure if they were actually friends or what, friendship wasn’t really her strong suit. But she would find that out soon enough.

She smiled as she thought about slaying. She couldn’t wait to go on patrol at night. She’d been practicing a little while she was blind, but it wasn’t the same, she wanted some real action. She decided to take care of the seedier part of town, where Buffy wasn’t likely to show up.

As she thought about Buffy, she realized she missed hanging out with her. And it wasn’t just patrolling together that she missed, or sparring, she also missed just hanging out with her at the library. There was something about Buffy that drew her to her. She was reluctant to call it love, but it was something, an attraction of some sort, not just a Slayer bond.

She also realized she missed being one of the good guys. She remembered the look of betrayal on Buffy’s face when she realized that Faith was working for the Mayor. She’d thought she was strong and important when she worked for the Mayor, but now she knew better. She’d actually known before, but at least now she could admit it to herself. She knew that Buffy had tried to help her, but she also knew that Angel had had priority over her. She wasn’t really angry at Angel, more like envious.

She sighed, realizing she needed to get over Buffy. Strangely, she had a feeling that this was something she could do. She knew she could go talk to Joyce if she needed advice, and it was a comforting feeling to have someone to talk to. And her gut was telling her that she would have to. She had no illusions that Buffy came first to Joyce, but she also knew that Joyce would try to help her. Hell, she was there for her even after she told her about what she'd done that made Buffy hate her. It was an uplifting thought.

Then she thought about mending the rift between her and Buffy. She didn’t particularly care about the rest of the Scoobs, except maybe Giles. The first thing she needed to do was find a way for Buffy to defeat the Mayor, so Buffy would believe her when she apologized. She’d learned a little about the Mayor’s plans, but not very much. And she knew that Buffy wouldn’t believe her. She decided to follow the Mayor’s vamps around, see if she could find something useful.

"Faith! Hello," Joyce said with a smile when Faith came to her office.

"Eh, hi," Faith said, slightly nervous.

"How did your job hunt go?"

"Great. I got a job as a waitress in a club."

"I see. When do you start?"

"Tomorrow."

"Well, I'm glad you got it."

Joyce seemed to be genuinely happy for her, but Faith had a feeling that she didn't exactly approve of the job.

"It's just temporary, until I find something better," she quickly said.

"For better, you'll probably have to get back to school," Joyce pointed out.

Faith made a face.

"I don't like school."

"You could take the GED. And if you don't want to go to college, there are professional courses."

"That's gonna take, like, forever."

"But it's a goal. You should think about the future."

Faith sighed.

"I know. It's just… It's a little overwhelming. It's sort of like I got a second chance. I mean, I know I didn't, but, you know, being blind kinda made me think about my life."

Joyce smiled.

"That's always good."

"Yeah."

"So what will you do now?"

Faith shrugged.

"What I did before… Before Finch. Be a Slayer. And hopefully I'll find a way to defeat the Mayor. Buffy would never believe me if I just came to her and apologized."

Joyce nodded.

"Just don't do anything stupid, okay?"

Faith frowned.

"Like what?"

Joyce shrugged.

"I don't know. Something that might get you killed."

"I'm a Slayer, I'm risking death every time I go on patrol."

"I know. I meant senselessly. I know you want Buffy to believe you, but getting killed in the process kinda makes your apology irrelevant."

"Oh."

Joyce's stomach rumbled.

"Ooh. I'm hungry. You?"

Faith tensed a little, still not liking the fact that Joyce was buying her food. Still, she was hungry, and until she earned some money, she was dependant on Joyce.

"Yeah."

"Good. Give me a minute."

"Sure." Faith quietly observed Joyce as she finished off what she was doing. "Do you maybe, uh, have time tomorrow afternoon?" she then asked, nervous.

Joyce glanced at her.

"Sure. Why?"

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"I, uh, I need to talk to you. About, uh, Buffy."

"Is there a problem?"

Faith hesitated again.

"Well, sort of. I mean, she's not in trouble or anything. It's me that has the problem."

"Oh."

"It's not an emergency or anything, but, you know, I, uh, I need someone to, uh, beat some sense into me." She frowned. "Or something."

Joyce smiled.

"We can talk this afternoon," she said, logging off. "Or during lunch."

"No, I still need to think about this some more. And I'm visiting Debbie later."

"I see. Okay. We can talk here, or we can go somewhere."

"Here's okay."

"Okay." Her stomach rumbled again. "Let's go eat."

After lunch, Faith went for a walk, needing to clear her head a little. Then she went to the school for the blind and returned the staff to Mr Ardant, thanking him for letting her drop by. She was a little lost at first, because she had never seen what the place looked like, so she sometimes closed her eyes and tried to remember the steps. When she got her bearings, she looked around the place as she waited for Debbie. She had no idea what the girl looked like, aside from Joyce’s description, and she hoped she wouldn’t miss her.

She waited at the spot where Joyce usually took her. At least she hoped that was the spot. She looked around, for the first time actually looking how the blind moved around. She’d never thought much about her eyesight before, but now that she’d experienced its loss, she appreciated it a lot.

Finally, the time came when she usually got here with Joyce. She looked around, a little nervous. Several people came her way before she finally spotted a girl that could've been Debbie. She had to admit that Joyce was right, Debbie was a hottie. She pushed the sexual thoughts aside and waited for her to get closer.

"Debbie?" she then asked.

"Faith?" Debbie said, stopping.

"Yeah."

"Oh, hey." She listened for a moment. "Is your mom with you?"

"My mom?" Faith said, startled.

"Yes."

"Oh. Uh, she's not my mom."

"Oh. I thought…"

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"Uh, anyway, I got my sight back."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's been getting better lately, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. But when I woke up this morning, it was 20-20."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

Debbie hesitated for a moment.

"Does that mean you're not coming here anymore?"

Faith shrugged.

"I could come visit," she said. "And I'd like to keep practicing reading Braille."

Debbie smiled.

"Cool."

Faith thought for a moment.

"Uh, right now I'm sort of hiding from some, uh, bad people, but after I deal with this, maybe you and I could go to the mall or something."

Debbie's smile widened.

"I'd like that."

"Okay."

"So, um, do you want to practice reading now?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, come."

Debbie reached out, and Faith took her hand.

"Uh, you're gonna have to lead, because I have no idea where we usually practiced."

Debbie giggled.

"Close your eyes and try to find your way."

Faith frowned.

"Uh, okay," she agreed.

In the evening, before she started the patrol for real, Faith visited Finch's grave. She knew where it was, because she had heard the Mayor talking about it and she then looked up the location. But she had never been to his grave before. In fact, she had avoided the cemetery altogether. But now she was finally able to face it. She knew it would be hard, but she had to.

As she approached the grave, she grew more and more nervous, and she had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm down. She also had to swallow hard and she felt like crying, but she forced herself not to.

When she reached the grave, she stared at the tombstone for a few moments, reading the inscription. She took a deep breath.

"Uh, hey," she then croaked. She cleared her throat. "Um, I don't know if you hear me, but I'm, uh, sorry, you know, for, uh, killing you." Tears suddenly ran down her cheeks and she furiously wiped them. "Sorry."

She stared at the tombstone for a few moments and then quickly left.

In the distance, Buffy and Willow entered the cemetery. Buffy immediately spotted Faith, although she didn't know it was Faith. She did suspect it though, when she got a better look. When Faith moved on, Buffy went to the grave where she had seen Faith. She wasn't completely sure which grave it was, but when she spotted Finch's name, she knew. She started at the tombstone, feeling sick a little.

"Buffy?" Willow asked when she noticed that her friend had stopped.

"Huh?" Buffy asked, looking at her.

Willow looked at the tombstone.

"Oh," she said when she saw whose grave it was.

"I didn't even know where he was buried," Buffy said, looking back at the grave.

"You didn't?" Willow frowned. "Then how did you find it?"

Buffy hesitated for a moment.

"I think I saw Faith here a couple of minutes ago."

"Really?" Willow said and looked around.

"Yes."

Willow looked at her.

"You think she regrets it?"

Buffy shrugged.

"I don't know."

The next day was Faith's first workday. It went okay as far as work was concerned, but a part of her was dreading the talk with Joyce about Buffy. Actually, the more she thought about it, she realized that it wasn't actually the talking that she feared but the fact that she would have to speak out about her fears. If she only thought about them, a part of her could still ignore them, but if she talked about them, well, that was another matter.

When her shift was over, she grabbed a quick lunch and then went to Joyce.

"Hi," she said as she entered Joyce's office.

"Hello, Faith," Joyce said with a smile. "How was your first workday?"

Faith shrugged.

"Okay."

"Did you eat yet?"

"Yeah. I robbed a couple of vamps last night before I staked them."

"Oh. Good." Joyce glanced at her monitor. "I'm already done, just let me shut down this thing."

"Sure."

Joyce glanced at her.

"We can go out if you're not comfortable here."

Faith shrugged.

"Nah, it's fine."

"Okay. Have a seat then." Faith sat on the sofa and waited nervously. Joyce joined her once she made sure that her computer was shutting off. "Are you okay?" she asked when she saw Faith stare at her shoes.

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"I visited Finch's grave last night."

"I see."

"For the first time."

"Oh. And?"

Faith shuddered.

"It… It, uh, brought back the memories."

"I see."

Faith took a deep breath.

"I'd thought I got over it."

"Taking someone's life is never easy."

Faith glanced at her.

"I don't have a problem killing demons."

"But they're not human. I'm not saying that their not being human is an excuse to kill them all, I mean, Buffy said that some are actually nice."

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, I mostly kill vamps and those demons that kill people. I mean, humans."

"Okay." Joyce hesitated for a moment, reluctant to push Faith. "Buffy said it was an accident."

Faith tensed.

"Yeah."

"What exactly happened?"

Faith swallowed, not wanting to remember. She took a deep breath to calm down.

"We fought some vamps when Finch showed up. Buffy pushed him to me and I staked him. Only he didn't go poof."

"What happened then?" Joyce prompted when Faith didn't go on.

Faith sighed.

"We ran away." She hesitated for a moment. "I came back later and got rid of the body."

"Got rid?" Joyce asked with a frown.

"Threw him in the water."

"Oh."

Faith hesitated again.

"I tried to blame it on Buffy, but nobody believed me." She sighed. "Sometimes I get the feeling that Buffy could slaughter the whole town and it would be okay."

"No, it wouldn't," Joyce said sternly.

"Yeah, well, everyone seems to forget that she was there too."

Joyce had to admit that Faith had a point.

"I suppose you're right. We all just pushed it to the back of our minds. I'm sorry nobody tried to help you."

Faith thought for a few moments.

"Buffy did. Briefly. I wanted to push it away too, I pretended it didn't matter, but it did and it scared me." She hesitated for a moment. "I hated Buffy, because nobody blamed her. And because she had everything that I hadn't." She took a deep breath. "The Mayor… He… could protect me from the cops and… and he was nice, but when I got blind, I realized that I was just fooling myself."

Joyce hesitated for a moment and then reached over and covered Faith’s hands with her hand briefly, causing Faith to look at her, startled.

“You’re not alone anymore. If you have a problem or if you just want someone to talk to, come to me.”

Faith stared at her for a couple of moments, surprised.

“Uh, thanks,” she said and looked away, nervous.

Joyce thought for a moment.

“You said yesterday that you have a problem with Buffy?” she asked.

Faith sighed.

“Yeah.” She blushed a little. “She, uh… Well, um, every time I’m around her, my brains seems to, uh, take a vacation,” she said, blushing deeper. “I know I don’t stand a chance, but it’s driving me crazy, especially when I’m around her.”

Joyce smiled.

“Sounds like you’re in love.”

Faith’s blush deepened even more.

“Yeah, I guess. But I need to get over her before I do something stupid again.”

“Again?”

Faith hesitated for a moment.

“Before… Before Finch, I tried to get her to hang out with me more. She did, but she neglected school and her friends and we were careless.” She glanced at her. “I don’t have the best influence on her either.”

Joyce thought for a moment.

“Seems like you need to grow up more and Buffy needs to relax a little more.”

Faith frowned.

“I guess. Still, I need to get over this obsession with her.” She hesitated for a moment. “I was actually jealous of her.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Faith hesitated for a moment. “She had everything I ever wanted.” She sighed, not elaborating. “I’m not jealous anymore, I’m glad she’s happy.”

Joyce smiled a little.

“Now that you know you have a problem, you’ll be able to deal with it.”

Faith glanced at her.

“I hope so.”

“And as for Buffy, right now you don’t have much influence over her happiness, so concentrate on your own happiness. Do things for yourself.”

“I did that all my life.”

“I know. But I’m not talking about living for the moment. Make plans about what you want to do when you’re older. Your life will be much fuller and perhaps you’ll find some happiness along the way.”

Faith thought about it and then glanced at Joyce, feeling all emotional, but glad that she had someone who believed in her and wanted her to be happy.

“Thanks,” she said.

Joyce smiled.

“You’re welcome, honey. If you want to talk you can drop by anytime, or call me. Or come just to say hi.”

Faith nodded.

“I will.” She took a deep breath to calm down. She glanced at Joyce again. “Thanks. I’ll, uh, go now.”

Joyce nodded.

“Okay. And be careful when you go slaying.”

They got up.

“I will,” Faith said. She glanced at the door. “Uh, bye.”

“Good bye, Faith.”

Faith hesitated for a moment and then left.

It took Faith a couple of days, but she finally made some sort of plan for her life. She knew she might not live to complete it, but it felt good to have it. She decided to first finish high school. Since she didn't like school, she decided to first try to study on her own. She did some research at the library and even asked Joyce for help.

At night, however, she followed the Mayor's vamps around, killing them one by one after torturing them for information. Secretly, she also spied on Buffy and sometimes followed her around when she went on patrol. At first, she felt like a voyeur, but the longer she followed her, the more relaxed she felt about it, not because she started thinking it was right, but because her heart didn't start beating like crazy every time she saw Buffy. She hoped that meant that she was getting over her obsession.

One night, she hit the jackpot. At least she hoped so. She had followed two vampires around and they led her to an old professor. They tried to kill him, so she killed them. She found it suspicious that the two vamps would go to a house like that, so she talked to Professor Wirth. What he showed her, gave her some glimpse into what the Mayor was afraid of. She told Wirth to pack and leave at once.

After making sure that Wirth was safely out of town, Faith went back to her apartment to think. The fact that the Mayor wanted Wirth dead told her that Wirth's discovery was important. It told her that he could be killed. Unfortunately, she didn't have a volcano to dump on him. Still, she had some time to think of a solution.

She wished she could go to Buffy and tell her, but she knew that Buffy wouldn't believe her. She just hoped that she would find a solution in time, she didn't want Buffy to die. Not that she wanted anyone to die, but Buffy was still special to her.

Finally, the Graduation Day arrived. Faith hoped that she would have enough time to carry out her plan. The plan itself was relatively simple, lure the Mayor into the school and blow it up. The luring and the blowing up parts were easy, it was the explosives part that was difficult. Transporting explosives was not that hard since she had stolen an old school bus from the junkyard, setting them was not that hard either thanks to the books on explosives she had read, it was getting them that was hard, because the closest explosives were at the National Guard installation at El Suerte.

She had spent days scouting out the place, until she found a way in. Then she carried the packages out to the bus and drove away. Since a bus full of explosives was easy to find, she hid it.

Now though, it was time to blow up a school. She got the bus and parked it near by. Then she went into the school building and looked around to see what the situation was like. She had scouted out the building before, so she knew exactly where to place the explosives. When she saw that most of the people were out, she started smuggling the explosives in. She used two school bags she had stolen, so if someone saw her, she would be carrying to bags instead of explosives.

Setting the explosives was easier than stealing them and she was grateful for that, because by the time she was done setting them, the Mayor had already started his speech. She quickly ran all over the school to make sure no one was inside. She blocked all entrances, except for the one she planned to use as her escape. Then she donned the graduation gown she had stolen, and joined the students. She made sure she wasn't too close to Buffy, so Buffy wouldn't sense her.

When she saw the Mayor for the first time after regaining her sight, she shuddered. For a while, he had been almost like a father figure to her. She couldn't believe how crazy and stupid she must have been to join him. She knew she had been afraid, but it still disturbed her. She listened to his words. They sounded so decent, but she knew they were hollow, the Mayor only cared for one person, himself. Which made her doubt a little that her plan would work. She needed to piss him off bad enough that he would follow her through the school.

When she looked around the students, she saw that they were all ready for battle. She had no idea what Buffy intended, but Joyce had told her that Buffy had no idea how to kill the Mayor. She hoped that her plan would work and that Buffy would perhaps give her another chance.

She shook her head and concentrated on the plan. She needed to stay focused or people would die. Some would probably die anyway, but she could save most of them. She hoped.

Finally, the moon started to cover the sun and the Mayor started twitching. Faith knew it was time. She grabbed two of the stakes she had brought and waited. The Mayor kept blabbering on, until his transformation began in earnest. She saw that troll of a principal protest and get eaten. That was one life she didn't exactly regret failing to save.

As Faith moved closer to the Mayor, Buffy initiated her plan. Faith got out of the way and watched as Buffy commanded the students. They fired and got out of the way. When she looked toward the parents, she saw the vampires come out of the shadows. She cursed. She ran to the front, where Buffy had already engaged the Mayor.

"Hey, Dick!" she called as she dropped her gown.

Both Buffy and the Mayor looked at her, surprised.

"Faith," Buffy said, wary.

"Good to see you, Faith," the Mayor said.

"Cut the crap, Dick," Faith said and threw a stake at his jaws, making him roar. She looked at Buffy. "There are vamps at the back. Go get them, I'll take care of him."

"Why should I trust you?" Buffy asked.

"For fuck's sake, B, move!" Faith yelled and jumped out of the way as the Mayor tried to eat her. She looked at the Mayor. "That all you got, Dick?" she asked, moving toward the school.

"You disappoint me, Faith," the Mayor said.

"Yeah, I disappoint me too, but at least I'm not trying to change into a giant ugly snake. I'm sure your Momma's not too proud of you right now. Tell me, did you sell her soul too?"

The Mayor roared and went after her.

Buffy stared after them, confused. She had no idea what Faith was doing or whose side she was on. She wanted to go after them, but then she remembered the vamps. She needed to get rid of them, so the people would be safe and she could concentrate on the Mayor again. So she ran to the vamps. Just as she reached the fight, the school blew up. Everybody stopped, shocked, and looked at the smoking remains. Buffy suddenly realized that it was Faith who blew it up and that she probably took out the Mayor as well. She found herself hoping that Faith was okay. But then the vamps attacked again, and she concentrated on them.

On the other side of the ruins, Faith sat up behind the tree that had served her as a shelter from the explosion. She looked at the smoke and could only hear the fires. She smiled, realizing her plan had worked. Strangely, a part of her missed the father figure that the Mayor could've been had he been good. She sighed and looked at herself. She was a little singed, but otherwise unhurt. Then she remembered the vamps. She got up and ran to join the fight.

When the vamps were either dead or had ran away, Faith looked around for Buffy. She was relieved when she saw she was okay. Their eyes met briefly, but then Buffy looked at something else. Faith followed her look and saw Angel. She sighed, feeling sad that she couldn't be the object of Buffy's affection. Still, she had saved the day, so she hoped that Buffy would at least give her another chance at friendship.

She looked around and saw Willow and Xander approach. She decided to leave before they spotted her, she didn't really feel like talking to them, she wanted to talk to Buffy first. She went home to wash up and call Joyce, to let her know that everyone was okay.

When Buffy and Angel said their silent goodbye, Buffy looked at where Faith had been, but Faith was gone. She looked around, but couldn't see her anywhere. She sighed. She needed to find Faith and talk to her. All this time she'd thought that Faith had betrayed them, and now Faith had saved the day. It was confusing the hell out of her. But she was also glad that Faith was on their side. Fighting alongside her was something she had missed.

"Are you okay, Buffy?" Xander asked as he and Willow came closer.

Buffy looked at her.

"Yes."

"Was that really Faith?" Willow asked.

"Yes," Buffy said.

"Where is she?"

Buffy shrugged.

"I don't know."

"I thought she was on his side," Xander said, staring at the ruins.

"So did I."

"What game is she playing?"

"I don't know. I'll go find her later."

After she rested, Faith watched TV a little. She was nervous about meeting Buffy. Sure, Buffy knew that she was the one that saved the day, but still, old grudges were hard to forgive. She hoped that she had enough control not to get into a fight with Buffy.

“Hello, Faith,” Joyce said with a smile when Faith arrived.

“Hi,” Faith said, nervous. “Is Buffy home?”

“Yes, she’s still in the bath.”

“Oh.”

“Come in.” Faith entered, and Joyce closed the door. “She was planning to go look for you.”

“Oh.”

“Why don’t you go to the living room, I’ll be right with you, I just need to check up on dinner.”

“Uh, okay,” Faith said and went to the living room.

She looked around, noticing a photo of Buffy and Joyce. Then she sat down and waited for Joyce.

“You look okay,” Joyce said when she returned from the kitchen.

“I was just a little singed from the explosion. And a couple of bruises from the vamps.”

“And how do you feel?”

Faith shrugged.

“Okay.”

“I meant about the Mayor.”

Faith sighed. She hesitated for a moment.

“A part of me misses him,” she admitted. “I mean, I know he was an evil son of a… uh, bastard, but he was nice to me.” She thought for a moment. “And I think that perhaps in some twisted way he actually cared about me.” She took a deep breath. “But it was the right thing to stop him.”

“Well, now Buffy and you have something else in common beside being Slayers,” Joyce said. “You both destroyed a school,” she explained with a smile when Faith looked at her with a frown.

Faith smiled a little.

“Yeah, I guess.”

When Buffy came down the stairs after she dressed up, she was surprised to find Faith and her mother talking.

“B,” Faith said when she felt her. She got up. “Hey.”

Buffy came closer.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy asked, glancing at her mother, who had also gotten up.

“I, uh, I came to talk to you.”

“I’ll leave you two girls alone,” Joyce said. “Dinner will be in about half an hour, so you two have plenty of time to talk,” she said, looking from Buffy to Faith and back. “And no screaming or fighting,” she added, giving Buffy a pointed look.

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Yes, Mom.”

Joyce glanced at Faith with a smile, and left.

“What’s going on?” Buffy asked when Joyce was gone. “Whose side are you on?”

Faith thought for a moment.

“Mine.”

Buffy frowned, startled.

“So you didn’t work for the Mayor?”

“I did.”

Buffy’s frown deepened.

“But you killed him.”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Buffy said, confused. “And why did you go to him in the first place?”

“You know why I went to him. I had the cops and the Council on my back. He was the only one who could protect me.”

“So could we. We could get the Council and the police off your back.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Oh,” Buffy said, realizing Faith had a point.

Faith sighed.

“Look, I’m not here to fight. I came to, uh, apologize.”

“You did?” Buffy said, startled.

“Yeah.” Faith hesitated for a moment. “I’m sorry. I was scared shitless and I wanted to forget, you know, pretend that it didn’t happen.” She sighed. “Then I had an…” She frowned. “What’s the word? Starts on E. Something like ebony.”

Buffy frowned.

“Epiphany?”

“Yeah. I had an epiphany.” Faith sighed. “I knew you wouldn’t trust me, so I spied on the Mayor by myself.”

“Is that how you found out how to kill him?”

“Yeah. He sent a couple of vamps to kill some old professor. I took them out and the professor showed me what he was working on. He thought he’d discovered a new kind of dinosaur, but it was actually a huge demon. I figured that the Mayor wanted to change into something similar and that he would be vulnerable once he changed.”

“Where did you get the explosive?”

“I stole it from the National Guard at El Suerte.”

“Oh.” Buffy thought for a moment. “So you’re back from the dark side?”

Faith smiled a little.

“Yeah.”

“And how do you feel? I mean, you know…”

“It still freaks me out, but I’m dealing.”

“Oh.”

“I even visited Finch’s grave.”

“I think I saw you once.”

“Oh.” Faith took a deep breath. “Anyway, I’m getting a grip on my life now.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

Buffy thought for a moment.

“So where are you staying now?”

“Another motel.”

“Not another dump?”

“No, it’s a little better.”

“Oh.”

Faith hesitated for a moment.

“And I got a job.”

“Really?” Buffy said, surprised.

“Yeah.”

“Nice.”

“So, um, is everyone else okay?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Sorry about the school.”

Buffy smiled.

“I’m not. But I’m still glad it wasn’t me that blew it up. Destroying one school was enough for me.”

Faith grinned.

“Yeah.”

Buffy thought for a moment.

“Um, sorry, I wasn’t a better help.” She bit her lip and looked down for a moment. “I was scared too.”

“I know. At least you had your mom.”

“Yeah.” Buffy sighed. “Still, I don’t like thinking about it.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Buffy hesitated for a few moments, chewing her lips.

“And for the record, I know we were both there. You may have staked him, but I threw him at you and I didn’t notice on time that he was human.”

Faith stared at Buffy for a couple of moments, surprised, totally not having expected that.

“Uh, wow. Thanks.” She thought for a moment. “Still, we were reckless because of me.”

“Perhaps. But I liked the feeling. We just overdid it.”

“Yeah.” Faith hesitated for a moment. “Think we can start over?”

Buffy smiled a little.

“Sure.”

Faith breathed a sigh of relief.

“Cool.”

“Just, um, if you could cut down on the, um, innuendoes,” Buffy said, blushing.

Faith grinned.

“Sure. Don’t worry, I know you and Angel are together. And besides, I don’t want to piss him off.”

“Uh, we’re not.”

“What?”

“Together.”

Faith frowned.

“What do you mean? You two were all over each other.”

Buffy sighed.

“Yes. We still care about each other, but we know it wouldn’t work, so we split.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“I’ll be okay. Plus, he went to LA, so I won’t have to see him every day.”

“Oh.”

“And besides, I have you to help me out now.”

Faith smiled a little.

“Yeah.”

Buffy thought for a moment.

“When are you gonna tell the guys?”

Faith shrugged.

“Don’t know. I’d like to stay off the radar for a while, you know, because of the Council.”

“I’ll talk to Giles about it.”

“Thanks.”

Faith leaned back and sighed, glad she had had the talk with Buffy.

"You okay?" Buffy asked her.

Faith looked at her and smiled a little.

"No, but I'm getting there."

THE END

The End