The drug of choice
from the all knowing
doctors who try to
get inside our heads
but never really succeed
They want to help us
They get money for that
And yet they take away
the best part of us
the part that has the
self-confidence
the drive
the energy
the happiness
yes...the happiness
And then we greive for
the person
that is lost
cut out of us with a knife
what is left?
A slow paced snail
still depressed
not yet normal
not yet quite
anywhere
Where is the drug.
that takes off only
A little mania
And all of the
Depression?
That would be me
that would be Holly
Then I wouldn't have to
Grieve anymore
No sleeping
don't want to dream
Spending
Please...
Take my money
away
Not listening
racing thoughts
yet, no where to go
with them creeping
into my mind
No hunger
for taste
Music can never
be provoking of
thought enough
loud enough
Driving to fast
racing like my mind
Over the limit
becomes life itself
I sit behind you
I follow
Silent footsteps
Move without
Sound
A shadow of
My former self
Cries to be understood
Too bad you don't
Turn around
I am alive
I stand here...
on this grainy beach
looking out at the calm
blue and green waters
that sooth the birds
I see a wave come
towards shore
I want to turn around and
run away
yet I want to dive
headfirst
and get lost in the
foam and ripples
But I wait...
for the waves to
crash into shore
Sitting there
waiting for the birds
to come back
With my feet buried
in the sand
waiting for the colors
of the sun
to go down...
Can it be so?
That there will be no
Words inside
Me today?
Can I be empty?
Will my head lose all the
Noise?
Can I just be?
Can I just sit?
Lay
Stare
And
Have an
Empty head?
It feels like
it may be
so
The words
just won't come
And I don't care
So they put me
on these drugs
Depakote
and
Lithium
They are to make
life easier
I blow up like
a balloon
Fat in places
I didn't even know
fat could reach
I feel like I
have fat in my eye-lashes
in my brain
in my fingernails
2 sizes later
I now have no
self confidence
left
Life becomes barely there
I can hardly see it
I can't reach it
Drugs are supposed
to make life easier
My life just becomes more fat
There it is again
Never really thought
it was gone
Only this time it
Can't be pulled out
Rough on the outside
This bipolar fruit
It's sharp green leaves
hurt inside my head
large and bothersome
They say pills will
make it smaller
yet they can't
say when
or how many
So I wait...and wait...
Letting the leaves stick me
in my brain
ignoring
the rough
outer edges
Maybe the next day
will be better
maybe the next day
the pineapple will open
and I can smell it's
sweetness for awhile
Here I am-over here-can't you see me?
There is my illness over there...can you see it?
Please seperate the 2 of each other
Because I can only stand alone and seperate
away from it
If
You
Do
A raindrop fell on my cheek
But only one
I ran between the falling
Crystals they were becoming
Inside I was safe
Yet only my mind
Gave me shelter
No one could reach me
If I didn't want them to
As the crevices were
Too deep
I went outside, a raindrop
Fell inside
It cleansed the soul of me
When I wasn't looking
