I need to get away for awhile
I need to leave this place of recovery
It is do draining, so hard
My insides are full of thoughts of past
That I do not want to go there anymore
I have seen enough to know I was hurt
Hurt so deep
That no one can take it away
But me
I need music, I need my poetry
I need me…
Holly, where have you been?
I've been looking for you
For so long
You just faded away into a place
Filled with violence
Child abuse
Codependency
Depression
It was a scary place
That place is in my
Rear view mirror
I still see it
But at a distance
Behind me
I am moving forward
I am never turning around
And going back
The journey is just beginning
Take it slow, take it fast
It may be awhile
Before my mirror
In front of me
Cannot see the
Reflection of the past
The past, so far away
Yet so close…
Close enough to touch, feel, and hear
Though I couldn't always see it
I began to see
I closed my eyes
For fear
Better to stay blind
In the dark
But it reached out
To me
In the place of solitude
I hurt too much
I didn't want to feel it
It stung me
I didn't want to touch it
It was rough
I didn't want to hear it
I had heard enough
Already
I didn't want to see it
Because my soul would break
Inside
I was too fragile
Weak
Not ready to face the pain
I didn't have the time
But life said
You don't have a choice
You may just die
So I opened my eyes
I was barely looking
Peaking really
I wasn't ready
It made me fall down
And cry
Too much for my
Weary and tired self
Tears of heartache
Sadness
Came out
Until I was weak
Drained of all life
I had left
I crawled under the covers
And I closed my eyes
Just so I could breath
Again…
They come to me
In the darkest of the night
They awaken vivid images
All intertwined
That cannot be sorted
Intense colors vibrate
Inside my head
Hazy purple
Lazy yellow
They don't make sense
Telling me I have
Things to deal with
But what……
Only the night will tell
I was lost
Inside myself for
Awhile
I needed to hide
From all the pain
I was finally
Feeling
I was in a black
Storm
Moving slowly
I was in the eye
Of the storm
Afraid to come out
Because the winds were
Too wild
They would just blow
Me around
So inside I hid
From myself
And
Everyone else
I needed to stay
There for awhile
I came out slowly
One day at a time
The winds were wild
The rain hard and strong
Couldn't breath in the water
The hail beat me in the head
And in my eyes
Then it slowly went
Away
Faded out to sea
I could open my eyes
For the first time in such
A weary time.
Ironic that I should
Find myself
I was there all along
I just needed to hide inside
Me for awhile
While the rain went away
With the passing of the storm
I open my book
So many pages
I try to go back
Rewrite
The beginning
But can't
Has already been written
For me
I read on
Cry and scream
Disappear inside
Myself
I finally understand
Never saw the words before
The farther I go
The stupid choices
Tried to erase them
Yet they stare me in the
Face
Engraved in my mind
Forever
Twist of fate
Plot changes
Emotions of me emerge
Sameness of me is now
Gone
Blank pages
Staring back
At me
Waiting to be filled
With words
and
I have nothing to say
