Where to start?....I'm in a flood of emotions,thoughts,feeling,states that keep me whirling around...why can't I turn my mind off?...why can't I turn it on?...why can't I care?...why can't I stop caring?...I would just for once in my life be able to live in the moment, and not be thinking of the past,or worrying about the future...I have had a few moments like that in my life...you realize for an instant that you are supremely happy, and then it's gone and no matter what you do you can't get it back...I see everyone else around me living,enjoying life...I wish that gift for myself...I have always beeen on the outside looking in no matter how hard I tried to be on the inside...I am a prisioner of my mind...trapped...I laugh and joke and keep up with everyone the best I can,but they do not know the real me...they do not know that I would rather be anywhere but with them,because I am unable to turn off my thoughts...they do not understand me because they can't know what I am thinking...nobody can...if they did it would scare them...thoughts racing a million miles an hour...if only I could catch them long enough to put them to paper before the next wave of thoughts comes flying through...I would have written volumes...of what exactly I do not know, except it would have been straight from the depths of this strange thing in my head.
Author: Heather 7/16/98
Back to the yellow brick road