Honestly, I can still fit into some of my clothes, though I have a bunch of summer stuff I won't be able to wear unless I drop this poundage over the next few months. I'm just scared.

Yesterday, I found a website which really helped focus me. He got on his food plan because he saw a TV show where some poor soul needed an amputation from not taking care of his diabetes. He got scared and started making changes.

Reading his story got me in touch with my own panic. I mean I can say I'm scared, but there's a sense of panic which governed me when I first was diagnosed and when I was pregnant, that hasn't been there. I know it was like that for me because for a while, I lost so much weight that my insulin was working fine and I thought I could go back to my old bad habits.

Clearly, I was wrong.

I ate a quesadilla this morning with a whole wheat tortilla, mushrooms and salsa. I feel good. A lot of times, I've been eating those fast food breakfast sandwiches because it's all I've made time for in the morning. While I usually choose the lower end of the bad food spectrum, most of them have at least 2-7 fat exchanges, which make for a big ass -- my big ass.

And truth be told, like a good diabetic, I don't usually get it in my ass, I get it in my belly.

I have been trying to fit in some exercise lately. I've been taking small walks at work during breaks. It's not a ton, but it's something and just doing that makes me feel better about myself and this stupid disease and less ashamed putting weight back on. I've always had a plan, so now I'm actually going to try sticking to it.

Oh, how sad and tragic! I'm being screamed at and clung to by the most pitiful baby on the planet. I'll talk to you later.