I've also been, at times, hypocritical, but dude, I really hate that about myself, too. I really hate lifestyle hypocrites though.

I am working very hard at changing my lifestyle to incorporate physical activity, low-fat proteins, and continuing my proclivity to eat veggies until I burst. There's just not a salad safe in the world from me and a little raspberry vinagrette. I am the undisputed queen of broccoli and squashes of all varieties. I blend so many vegetables into my spaghetti sauce that you could probably get three vegetable servings from eating my spaghetti sauce. We do the occasional cheapy cheeseburger day at McDonald's. Don't even whine to me about how gross that is. Mostly, I watch the kids eat half a cheeseburger and run full tilt into playland. We eat so well most of the rest of the time that once in a while just isn't a big deal to me.

My lifestyle change is in large part to control my diabetes, and to that end, I am working very hard at changing my physical hugeness. My latest victory is that I can fit into rides again at amusement parks. Yesterday, I watched a woman who couldn't fit into the little "go" cars at the company picnic. She struggled with the belts and then, to her embarrassment in front of lines of people waiting for said "go" cars had to make a hasty and frustrated exit, after letting her other half know. I'll grant you, that I when I got in, I had to let the belts out, but I fit! And I've worked my ass off for it. I am continuing to work my ass off. I make a lot of low-fat substitutions in my day-to-day life. I exercise at least every other day and normally, darned close to daily. I work hard at making permanent lifelong changes to my health and while some of my weight returned after Genny, I'm back to a 40lb net loss of weight and it may even be more, but I don't own a scale and I have to go by my doctor's scale, which I haven't been on in a bit.

I just know that I am only a size away from the clothing I was wearing just after Genny was born and I'm still working my ass off. Some mornings, I just wish I'd wake up skinny, but so far that hasn't happened, so I'm eating right and exercising until my fairy godmother shows up.

I know there are folks who read here who struggle with the same weight issues and I know it's hard for all of us.

I recently met this woman who I hadn't see in ages. She took great pains to be rude in the visit, which I hadn't expected because I haven't done a thing to her. That was unpleasant enough. But what I couldn't get over is that she's been writing in her journal about how she's going to lose all this weight and make healthy lifestyle changes and she looked like she'd put on a 100lbs from our previous meeting! She was already unsafely obese, but now, I don't know even how to classify her level of unhealthiness. I felt terribly sorry for her!

What disturbed me more than anything was that the level of denial that she has to be working within is astounding and frightening, given her obvious level of unhealth and her publication of an entirely false reality! I don't mind if people are struggling, but what disturbed me is her total lack of truth either with herself or her writings. I'd rather know about the struggle than see a big full-page glossy lie.

What was hardest about it all is that I have so been there. I used to be bulimic and believe me that's ALL about denial. I know all about compulsive overeating and the broken promises with myself (and others) to start anew and then eating more (often purging) because I failed. I know how painful that is. I also know that there's not a damned thing you can do for someone like that if they can't be truthful with themselves.

I don't know what happened with me, but I'm not bulimic any more. Compulsive overeating and bulimia are very self-centered diseases. I think having children changed my focus from myself to others. I am still self-centered I guess...heck I keep an online journal, so I'm not all that. But my son's birth and consequent illnesses gave me strength to give my disease to a power greater than myself. I didn't gain or lose weight during that time, and in fact, have only changed weight with the diagnosis of my diabetes. My children continue to give me strength to live healthily because I want to be there to see them grow!

I recently found a one year recovery chip I'd earned when I was in Overeaters Anonymous and thought about just how far I've come. When I flipped it over, I remembered a simple truth: I really can't help anyone else to make changes except me. Other folks have to change on their own:

I'm still going to bug Mike about losing weight, though. You know the saying: "You only nag those you love." (Okay, so I just made that up!) Actually, I asked my darling husband if I could bug him about it and he said that even though isn't thrilled with it, he appreciates it and that it was Ok because otherwise he forgets.

Love yourself. Be healthy. (Or I'll nag you, too!)