Sunday, I was guilty for having had such a low-accomplishment day on Saturday and well, the baby's room was eating at me a little and the final straw was when Russell said tearfully, that he didn't have any room left in his room and that he had too many toys. I mean how many kids do you know that bitch about having too many toys?

Embarrassed, I got a chair, sent Mike for garbage bags and hunkered down in the squalor that was the baby's room. I made Mike bend over and hand me stuff and actually in 2 hours time we had everything nasty and huge off the floor and the whole place vacuumed.

That was three trash bags later and all, mind you. Then we spent an hour emptying out Russell's closet full of his old baby stuff and moving it into the now clean baby's room. It was a voyage of rediscovery and it was spelunking at its finest. We uncovered great jewels of items, including stuff I'd loaned someone that they'd returned to me all nasty and slobbered upon.

This lovely remnant is from the same woman who brought me a bag filled with baby clothes this week, half of which, I wouldn't use as rags, much less dress my baby in. Then she asked me to give her board games computer games that Russell might not be using any more. I was angry because I kept thinking, doesn't it occur to her that I would hang onto these for my next kid who was so currently prominent.

And I think she was hoping for further clothing handouts from Russell, but at this point, I've given most of the clothes he's outgrown and that I'm not keeping to other little boys of parents I know are on welfare. Stuff like jeans, I'm holding onto for Jax.

This gal's husband is a resident (doctor), so he's making not great, but good money, and next year, he will be making great money, so I don't feel like I owe her anything. I gave her baby stuff originally because when her kids were babies, he was only working part-time as a lab tech and she had triplets, but their financial situation has changed and mine really hasn't. We are still butt broke, driving a car that badly needs a paint job, and which we can barely afford when it breaks. She's driving a brand new mini-van. And while Mike will eventually have a real job with real money, I still have to pursue personal bankruptcy, which will make things difficult no matter how much Mike is making. I finally said something like, well, the things that Russell isn't using, Jaxana will be using shortly and you could see the lights go on.

I don't know what our future brings our how much money will be there, and I'm hanging onto things to be sure I've got them, should we need them. I felt kind of cheap, but I'm sure that's what she was hoping for. After boxes upon boxes of baby clothes and toys, given to her over time, including some brand new stuff, I guess I feel like I've done my bit. She only shows up or contacts me when she wants something; I've ditched men like that and I guess I'm ditching her, too, or changing my phone number.

Anyhow, back to the baby room. I'd been feeling worried that Pauline would kill me for not leaving her work to do because I'd done all the baby room cleaning, but between my nastified walker, the smoke covered (previous apartment fire) child seat and toys, holy shit, do we have stuff to wash. The laundry is another matter and I'll have to do that the month before I deliver. I think she will be mad that we did so much at first, and then she'll realize that she gets to help organize things. As a virgo, I know that telling a fellow virgo that she can help organize things is akin to offering Mike uninterrupted sex and snuggling all weekend long. She'll be incredibly happy to go completely insane with her future goddaughter's room. And because we do think so alike, we should be able to shape that puppy up in short order.

Russell was thrilled to get his closet. We turned it into his little secret cave and he thought that was AWESOME. We are going to install some track shelves in the closet to hold more crud and he's so excited about it. I think he really needed to feel like he was important and fixing up his room like that really helped to that end. We had an awesome weekend together. He barely whined and we really did have a lot of fun together and he was a big help. We praised him like hell for it, too!

Mike was a total prince, moving things and obeying my every whim, so I owe him lots of sex and snuggles. Lately, he's been snuggling in his sleep. I don't know if he's aware he's doing it, but he touches me all night long and I feel content and safe and deeply loved.

Jaxana, on the other hand, kicks at me all night and all day. Russell was a quiet baby, and now he talks my ear off. I'm wondering if this girl will be opposite like that, too, busy now, but quiet later. I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!!!! Seeing her room come together this weekend helped make all of it quite real.