Of course, I am losing weight, too. My face has changed so much, that lately, I'm looking at it in the mirror in wonder because I barely recognize that woman looking back at me. Christ, I have the familial cheek wrinkle dimple things I get from my dad back. It's bizarre.

My mom is sending me clothes for after the baby and I have no idea what size I'll be wearing. I'm hoping that whatever she sends me will be too damned big and I'll just wander around the house in these pants that are too big feeling like queen for the day.

The thing that makes me nervous is that after I have this baby, I have to wear clothing that gives Jax access to my chest. I've got a nursing pattern, so I can at least sew some stuff, but figuring out the whole thing of it will be quite another thing. The pattern I have is for a top only. It is not for a dress, so I'm going to have to wing it and make a skirt for the top and hope I'm good enough at sewing to pull it off.

On the note of children...

Russell brought home notes from his reading tutor and his teacher basically saying that he was doing outstanding and that he was making great strides and all that. He was so pleased with himself and Mike and I have to go buy him the coveted Pokemon cards we promised now. I'm so excited for him. This will be fun.

I have been on a childcare grant program, where I pay a portion of my childcare and they pick up the rest. I'd always assumed that when Mike got a real job, I'd be able to pay it on my own and that would be that. Well, we got news yesterday and it's insane. Basically, once we have Jaxana, because Mike will be in the household with all of us, his income will also be counted towards Russell,even though Russell is not his and he's never claimed Russell on any taxes. I won't be able to do the things I'd been planning originally and we'll be just as tight as ever on money or I'll lose the grant in the fall when Mike goes back to school and when we'll really need it. But then in the fall, I started figuring our money out and we still will make $400 per month too much. Jaxana will be in daycare full-time at $675 a month and Russell will be in daycare part-time at $300 a month. It hardly makes it worthwhile to work, you know? But for that $400 extra, we will be expected to pay $575 out of our butts for Jax, plus the $200 we haven't had to pay for Russell's care. I'm in shock still. We need to talk to financial aid and see what they'll cover. We're terrified.

What's the point of an income based childcare grant if you're still butt broke?