It started off with Monday night's death of the car. We got the car back on Wednesday, after paying my mechanic $300 to replace the alternator.

Wednesday night, I think it had all just gotten to both of us, and Mike and I had the first shouting match type fight of our three years together. We never do that. We grumble, then we talk and then we make up. This was complete with hysterical screaming on my part. He was annoyed about having to clean up the house and I was pretty livid for all the bitching, and ultimately, when he said I wasn't helping him fast enough, I told him to fuck off and stomped from the room, so I didn't deck him. I was so mad I couldn't stand to have him touch me. I wasn't up to hugs until the next day when we sat down and talked it out. Essentially, I think we just hit a wall somewhere in there and I think his attitude compounded with the grumpies associated with the broken car the day before had just become too much for both of us.

Wednesday and Thursday, we drove to work for two days and then Friday, we were driving to work over the Yolo Causeway and the fucking car died about a half mile short of the West Sacramento exit.

For those of you who are not familiar with the Yolo Causeway. It's essentially a big long 7 mile bridge over a flood plain. There's a very narrow emergency lane and those emergency call boxes, but because it is so narrow, you can feel the wind rush of each and every vehicle that passes you by, while you sit in that emergency lane. The battery had died, so we had no hazard lights and it was kind of morning misty, so it was scarier than shit.

I'd coasted the car to one of the call boxes and Mike was out there freezing his ass of on HOLD for the highway patrol, when I look in the rearview mirror and see a tow truck pull up behind us. The first thought to cross my mind is, oh shit, this guy is hoping for cash up front and I am totally cashless and we are so broke you we're scraping pennies out of our ash tray. I have insurance that will pay for it, but you have to call them and wait for whatever tow company they send to come and get you. Low and behold, there is a God, however. This guy is part of a program with the California Highway Patrol where his only job is running a particular route on the freeways and towing people for free off dangerous stretches of road. He towed us to the exit, where there was an mini-mart and a phone and we waited for the insurance tow truck to show up. The guy kind of jabbered, but I never thought I'd be so happy to hear someone jabbering at me in that circumstance as I was when he showed up and saved our asses.

Our tow truck came and took us back to Davis, where we swapped the nearly new battery out of Mike's dead truck into the car and asked the tow guy to jump it for us. The jump didn't take and we had a dead battery and no way to get to anywhere to buy a new one. So in desperation, I call my friend, Karen, in Sacramento and she and her hubby, Dave, go to Costco and buy us a new battery and drive to Davis with it. While she's off at Costco, Mike and I toss together a big crockpot of vegetarian chili and a pan of cornbread for them because they were going to be moving this weekend and we don't have money to give them, but I've always got beans, you know?

We install the battery, she and Mike carpool to Sacramento and he manages to get a ride back home from a gal at work.

God, good friends are so totally cool.

I work at home for a few hours, go to a dental appointment. The dental appointment was against my will, however. I'm not usually opposed to going to the dentist, I just felt worn down after all this shit with the fucking car and I tried to cancel the appointment by giving them 23 hours notice, which was only one hour short of 24 hours notice but was told that if I didn't come I'd be charged $50. I finally did manage to talk her out of capping my teeth and got my cleaning instead. After the week I'd had, I knew I wasn't up to having my cracked tooth ground to a nub for a cap. The whole idea of having a drill in my mouth was beyond comprehension.

I was angry with the office manager and talked with the doctor about it and she apologized and hadn't realized I was so wrecked and offered to do it another time. I figured, "hey, I'm here, just do it." I told her, if she started seeing tears stream down my face, that she'd know I was just exhausted and to let it go. It went ok. I love how she does my teeth and she commented on how great they looked. Before I got diagnosed, they'd been falling apart and it was scaring the shit out of me. She said, she could tell I'd been taking care of them. It made me feel really good.

Today, has been hard and sad and exhausting. My dear friend and neighbor, Pauline, had to move to her smaller apartment in the same complex because her husband and she are separated. Her kids were wrecked, she was wrecked and I felt totally incapable of doing anything except offering hugs. I brought over the patio table, bought $20 worth of bread, coldcuts, etc. for sandwiches for all the people helping her and then spent a lot of time dusting whatever I could reach and cleaning kitchen stuff. She was bummed because her hubby was supposed to come and help out and he just blew her off.

She was stunned when a half dozen neighbors pitched in and moved her apartment for her. We set up her furniture and cleaned things off and disassembled furniture to move it, moved it, and then reassembled it upon arrival. Mike took special pains to take apart the computer and then set it back up again. She's got a couple little things left in her old place and she has to clean it, but it's all in really good shape. I was glad because the hubby is supposed to show up tomorrow to help out and there won't be much for him to do. I think he thought he was going to strand her and show her how much she needed him and she found out today how much she doesn't *need* him, but how much she misses him. I think that's a better thing.

One thing I know in my relationship with Mike is that I don't need him. I want him there and I love him fiercely, but I don't need him to get by. I just want to have him there every single day telling me I'm the prettiest woman and how dearly he loves me. I want to watch him sleep and listen to him snore and grab his butt and do nice things for him. I don't know if Pauline and Steve will come to that, but I hope they do. Steve's favorite thing to tell Pauline is how much she needs him and how she won't be able to get by without him. I was so glad to be part of a group of people who proved him wrong both to himself and to Pauline. I hope they are able to come to whatever is not working in their relationship and are able to bridge it.

On the baby front, Jaxana was doing handstands on my bladder last night and I was having to pee every 10 minutes, and this morning, I rolled over a little to snuggle with her Daddy and she was not amused and kicked me til I rolled back.

Russell gets me and Mike for the day to himself. We told him we'd take him to McDonald's for 39 cent cheeseburgers and would buy him a shake or a McFlurry. He had a hell of a time pronouncing McFlurry, but understood ice cream with candy it in it, quite well!