Baby's Breath

Mind gone blank
Trapped inside, a little girl
Fights to get out
Frightened of what awaits her on the outside
Breathing heavier and heavier and then she's
Punching, screaming, kicking
To get out from the place thats holding her in
Before realizing that the person outside
is Punching, screaming,kicking
to get out, to get away, to
Cower back into the nemesis
That her mind once was.

By-Andrea Bezanson

I Want To Cry

I want to cry because
my highs aren't happiness
my lows aren't true sorrow
my feelings are not real
I want to cry because
now I have a label
bipolar mental psycho
no longer a person
I want to cry because
my racing thoughts
my irrational fears
were mania, not nightmares
I want to cry because
I don't want to live like this
I don't want to fight like this
I don't want to be different
I want to cry
but can't
because I don't have real tears

By Melanie

Mind's Web

Madness descends
It spins around me like
a spider's web
Rageful Anguish
Bites
Poison slowly creeps throughout
My veins
I struggle like a butterfly
Caught
Again

By Juliet Wilkerson

no,i don't want to

doctor i don't want to take that pill...
i don't want to feel like this...
i don't want to go to the hospital...
i don't want to die...
no, i don't want to do "the things i should"...
i just want "it" to go away...
i want to sleep...
i want to play...
i'd do it if i could...
maybe some other day...

By Sue

New Way To Fly

She's got something inside
That's wild and crazy
But she can't let it out
Because their world holds her back
Run away
Inside your mind
She's found a new way to fly

By Shannon Wrass

Not to Live

It's not that I want to live
I don't want to live this life created by me
This in between state of all or nothing
Self imposed barriers, tortured thoughts
and pain, the agonizing pain
Of living with strangers, life with no safety net
Of knowing that there is a light
Having travelled the journey many times
Never of my own will, the time of my choosing
But accepting with a false hopefulness
The feeling will stay
this time,this time will be different
I won't sink to the depths of despair
But that little bit of dread
pulling from the dark recesses of my mind
Knows
Knows what I don't, can't,won't admit
Can't live another day of this wasted life
Of the lies, the self deceipt, the failures
The GUILT and worthlesness that doesn't go away
Striving for a greater purpose
So I go through the motions
And it's not that I want to die
I just don't want to live

By-28 year old female,bipolar,recently diagnosed

who among you will wrestle with this
terminal holiday called life.and who
will win the human race.
each and everyday i sit and dance
upon death and its corners
only the first few times i had died, did i
realize the cross-section of
ignorance that surrounded me,
at best a reality obtained
born and worshiped of a
bizarre
and conditioned
insanity.
i live in a world with corrugated
madness
who would have known it...
nicely lit arrows pierce the surface of
my pale routine
once allowed, once alone to lay in the grass
of isolated sensitivity and acquanted wisdom
oh, i used to hate the naked memories of tossed
virtues climbing fences of my scarred ego.
we push buttons an' they stick thick,steel
needles puncturing our swollen corpses (oh. the horror)
my innocence seems to be recovering...
recovering my sad and bruised soul from washing away sad.
c'mere an' hold me...don't say a word...all i want is
nothing

By Rich R.

I see into your eyes and i am short for
words
your tender heart peirces my side
that same photograph keeps changin'
for the better
that same tear keeps............
let's take shelter from the vacuum of terror
will know so well
i am not looking for my keys, bit i have lost my glasses
stay with me, sad ghost
the day is not lost
and by the way i am so glad you came this way

By Rich R.

Girl

I am still a girl
raging in this fleshy body
and I cover my tears
my sweat
my scent
my fear
with department store fragrances
that banish childhood memories and visions
from my already foggy recollections

BUT

I still want to sinng my own songs
and dance with bruised knees
and bare feet
in hideouts with dirt floors
and green ceilings
I want to play in a world
where the sun is the most important thing
and where my perfume is of wet grass
and apple juice
I want to paint bright images of myself
on my round arms
and legs
and on my full belly
I want to wear my yellowed baby teeth
on a string tied around my neck
so I can hear them rattle
when I skip
I want to grow my hair long
so it flows
with my voice
behind me
in the wind
And
I want all of these things because
I am still a girl raging in this fleshy body

By Erin Colleen Siler

Today I am a ginger grater, unwashed, sharpedged, with a biting bitterness that is what I am and is in me.

Today I am a balloon, silvered, bouncy, with enough euphoria to resist your efforts to bat me down.

Today I am an empty can, hollow, worthless, edges jagged from what you used to use me.

Today I am a razor blade, rusty, pitted, but still sharp enough to deeply wound or even kill.

Today I am myself, all of these, more, and I learn to live like this, learn to endure, learn to cry, until I finally learn to have power, healing, strong, and solid.
(c) C.R.Russell 1995

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