Time changes everything and I know that all too well.
I tilt my head back and down another show of vodka. I could finally
drink
legally, not that I hadn't been drinking anyway for years.
No, I drank all the time to drown out my sorrows. To drown out the
world.
I found my solace in a bottle, and brown liquid.
I drowned out words of cruel, heartless people who had no idea what
I
went through with brown liquid. With clear liquid. With any kind of
alcohol
that I could get my thin hands on and I liked it that way because
through a
drunken filter the world didn't seem real. Everything slipped away
and the
world fell into a sleep state and she loved it that way.
I look across the room and my eyes won't even focus on the bright
red
mess I had left on the floor.
No, I won't let my eyes focus. My mind won't let me focus on
it. It's
too much to register.
The metal hadn't felt real at all as I held it in my hand. The
silver
metal pressed against my palm. "Britney, I can explain."
"Can you Justin? Can you? I'd like to see you explain it! Go
ahead!
Explain away! Explain to me how you could tell me that you love me,
that I am
the one person you ever wanted to be with, break up with me, tell me
you want
to get back together and then cheat on me! Explain to me Justin!"
The girl on the bed wrapped the sheet around her chest. She looked
at me,
her eyes filling with tears. "Don't you cry. I am the one who
should be
crying, not you you little bitch. What the fuck is your name anyway?"
Her bottom lip was trembling. "Candy."
My brown eyes blazed as I turned to Justin. "Candy? You cheated
on me
with a girl named Candy? Why didn't you just find some whore on the
street?!?"
"Britney, calm down and list-"
"Don't you dare! Don't you dare tell me to calm down Justin
Timberlake!
I will scream and go hysteric if I want! How could you?!?" I felt wet
tears
trickle down my cheeks. I had known deep down he was cheating on me but
I
wouldn't except it. I had to see it for it to be real. "I loved
you. I loved
you with all the fibers of my being. I loved you with all I had. I
wanted to
spend the rest of my life with you Justin. I wanted us to grow old
together."
"We still can."
His voice was calm and sweet. Like honey.
I shook my head. "How long?"
"How long what?"
"How long have you been cheating on me?" I screamed.
"Four months."
"Four months! For fucking months!"
Candy moved to get off of the bed.
"You fucking move and I will kill you. I swear to God I will."
"Britney, let her leave. You're mad at me. Don't take it out
on her."
"No, Justin I am mad at you and her. She was fucking my
boyfriend."
"And how many people do you fuck when I'm not around? Huh? How
many
boyfriends do you have besides me?"
"None."
"That's bullshit Britney. We both know your reputation."
"All lies."
My hands were shaking with hurt and anger.
He chuckled a little. "Come on Britney. You can tell me the
truth. We
both have our fun, now let Candy go and we'll talk about this.
We'll work
things out baby."
My hands stopped shaking. "Don't baby me."
"Then what do you want me to call you?"
"Just don't speak."
"Listen to me Britney. This isn't solving anything. Just let
Candy go
and we'll talk. We'll talk everything out and set guidelines to our
relationship. We'll work this out, just let Candy leave and calm
down. You don't want to do anything that you would regret."
"I loved you," I cried.
He nodded. "I know. And I love you."
"Bull shit! If you loved me you wouldn't cheat on me. You
wouldn't hurt
me Justin!"
"Come on Britney. Don't pull the little innocent angel
bull shit. I know
you sleep with other guys whether you admit it or not, so you have no
reason
to be angry at me."
And then he took a step towards me. "Stay away from me or I swear
I will
kill you."
He reached out to me. "Britney, come on."
And he took another step.
I don't even remember doing it. I just remember a loud bang and
his eyes,
those beautiful blue eyes I loved so much growing wide with pain, and
shock
and then his body slumping to the floor.
I was horrified while a line of blood rolled across the wooden
floor,
heading to me and starting to soak through the white throw rug.
Candy started screaming bloody murder. I had to shut her up.
And I do remember shooting her.
I had just killed Justin. I didn't need to deal with her
screaming. I
couldn't deal with her screaming. I couldn't think straight.
Her body fell next to Justin's, half on him, the sheet still
wrapped
around her but now soaked in blood.
So, now I sit here, the lights from the city shinning in at me
through
the window, the curtains half drawn, them in view, cold on the floor of
the
next room, the bottle of vodka to my side now, just sitting on the
table and
the round barrel of the gun pressed to my temple.
I killed him. I had killed him. And her, and I knew that this
wouldn't
end well for me. Celebrity or not, I killed them and I was a murderer.
I am just waiting for the strength to pull the trigger and send a
bullet
into my skull so I can droop down bloody on the floor like them.
"Happy
fucking Valentine's Day Justin."
This will be my last, like it was yours.
I hope she was worth it, because, she was the last one you had.
"Happy fucking Valentine's Day."