The

Everybody Looks Ugly in Sepia Tones

Episode

The Microseconds Before Liz Lost Her Backbone Count

62.7

The New Expressions for Max Count

3 - nauseated (as in, he looked nauseated throughout the episode), stunned bunny, and pouty.

The Things We Never Want To See Again Count

Liz in her underwear, Max in black trouser shorts and boxers, Papa Evans' chin scar, and Liz straddling Max.

Manipulation of Molecular Structures

• Max cuts the wall
• Max puts a crystal into the aluminum foil spaceship
• Max seals the wall
• Max melts the gun
• Max lights the pier (Blind Date ripoff #101)
• Isabel w/the bad wig heats some water
• Max finds another door
• Max opens the Quik Stop door
• Max opens another door (I'm sensing a theme here...)

Tell Me About It...Alex's Psychological Analysis

Keep! Your face! down!. - Liz

Alex says: Keep! Your! Sentences! Together!

I want to make your dreams come true. - Max to Liz

Alex says: Liz, stay strong, don't fall for this crap.

"You look amazing." - Max to Liz

Alex says : God! Have Felicity seen Max off-screen? What's next? Max wlaking on slo-mo? Or Max sending tape-letters to his son? Yuck!

Hurry, we've only got a few minutes - Liz

Alex says: I hate admit it, but somehow you got a whole new season. Go figure.

Don't be such a smart ass. - Guy (from utah) to Michael

Alex says: Oh, well, you might as well tell him not to breathe.

"Liz, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Isabel, Michael and I, we've lost our only way home. There's no way back. You're the only for me to - you're my only reason. I want to be with you." - Max

Alex says : Translation for player : See the mother of my child and my child are gone for now, I have no ride to get to them so in the meantime, I'll settle for you. You're the second best.

"Who are you?" - Mrs. Evans to Max

Alex says: Calvin Klein's latest example of "heroin chic"

What the hell are you doing in Utah? - Papa Parker

Alex says: cause they ran out of good places to go in Arizona?

"I suppose skinny dipping is against the rules" - Max

Alex says: You suppose right.

Forget everything, ignore everything. - Liz

Alex says: So sayeth the writers.

"If my mother ever finds out about this [skinny dipping], you are so dead." - Liz to Max

Max starting to drown

Alex says : That's about right.

"I have to contact my son." - Max

Alex says: Have you tried a phone?

"The other part is that I don't want you to slip away from me." - Liz to Max

Alex says: Why???

"Listen, this is what he does, ok? You, you,re not special. He does this to everyone. You are a little bit too desperate to see what is really going on here!" - Liz

Alex says : Liz, please follow your own advice. I think she's doing some projection here.

"I thought you were involved in drugs." - Mr. Evans

Alex says: Well, he looks like it.

I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're just an incompetent criminal. - Agent Burns

Alex says: Nope, he's just an incompetent king.

Honorary Alien of the Week

The audience: with the stoopid shakey and pseudo-video effects and sepia tone film, we felt like we where on another planet.

Moral of the Week

Don't rob a convenience store in Utah

Stripping can almost kill you

Dump guys who jump in water with their socks on.

Listening to your cheating, lying, alien ex will only lead you to a jail sentence