Buffy Quotes: Season Four
Willow: "You did sort of wait until the last minute with your course selection."
Buffy: "Sorry, Miss 'I chose my major in play-group.'"Willow: "Ooh, boyfriend! It's my on-campus boyfriend."
Buffy: "Oh, no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line's probably really long now, too."Buffy: "You know, this store discriminates against short people."
Willow: "Oh, I think there's a protest next week."Buffy: "And you are?"
Sunday: "Oh, I'm Sunday. I'll be killing you here in a minute or so."
Buffy: "You know, that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it."
Xander: "When it's dark, and I'm all alone, and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think - "What would Buffy do?" You're my hero. Okay, sometimes when it's dark, and I'm all alone, I'd think, 'What is Buffy wearing?'"
Buffy: "Can that be one of those things you never, ever tell me about?"Xander: "You up for a little reconnaissance?"
Buffy: "You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?"
Xander: "No, that was the renaissance."
Buffy: "Oh. I've had a really long week."Kathy: "'Cause, I figure, a stitch in time..."
Buffy: "Catches the worm."Buffy: "You run?"
Giles: "And jump. And bend. And occasionally frolic."
Buffy: "Okay... and what's with "Motorbike & Scooter" magazine?"
Giles: "Congratulations, you found me out. I'm a mod jogger."
Buffy: "Okay, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going 'ick' from the last time you tried to recapture your youth."Giles: "What sort of demon?"
Buffy: "He had a cloak on, glowy green eyes, and his skin had a, like, super bad fake rub-on tan."
Giles: "Translate?"
Buffy: "Orangey?"Buffy: "And the worst part? I wake up, and there's Kathy staring at me like I'm some kind of freak."
Oz: "Well, actually, the worst part I'd have to go with, the demon pouring the blood down your throat."
Willow: "Me, too. I would vote for that, too."Buffy: "So then, Kathy's like, "It's share time," and I'm like, "Oh, yeah? share this!" (mimes punches)"
Oz: "So either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her."
Buffy: "Well, I didn't do either, actually. but she deserved it, don't you think?"
Oz: "Nobody deserves mime, Buffy."
Buffy: "Oh, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box, and blown away by an imaginary wind, and..."
Oz: "Forced to wear a binding unitard?"
Buffy: "Yeah, the itchy kind. It's perfect."
Oz: "Just here to help."Parker: "You have a scar."
Buffy: "Right... um, angry puppy."Parker: "I'm not doing the deep 'get sympathy' routine. I mean, don't you just hate guys who are all, 'I'm dark and brooding, so give me love."
Buffy: "I don't think I've ever met that type."Buffy: "I sort of drowned a couple of years ago. But I came back. Obviously."
Oz: "Remember Harmony?"
Willow: "She's back from her summer vacation. And she's a little different."
Buffy: "Different?"
Willow: "Paler."
Parker: "Is your neck okay?"
Buffy: "Neck. Paler. Puppy! The angry puppy."
Oz: "Yeah, we came to warn you about the... angry puppy."Buffy: "So, what I'm wondering is, does this always happen? Sleep with a guy and he goes all evil?"
Buffy: "I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin. Grow up in the sun, happily entwined with others, and then someone comes along, cuts you open, and rips your guts out."
Buffy: "You know, if it's too much, don't do it."
Willow: "Don't do it? What kind of encouragement is that?"
Buffy: "This is an encouragement talk? I thought it was 'share my pain'."
Riley: "I can't remember the last time I saw your hand up."
Buffy: "Does stretching count?"Xander: "Insurance. You know, in case we get turned into our costumes again, I'm going for cool secret agent guy."
Buffy: "I hate to break it to you, but you'll probably end up cool head-waiter guy."
Xander: "As long as I'm cool and wield some kind of power."Buffy: "This is much better. There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate."
Willow: "I think I'm gonna barf."
Buffy: "Except that."Buffy: "Buffy want beer."
Xander: "And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer?"
Buffy: "Foamy!"
Xander: "Good. Just as long as that's clear."Buffy: "You were thinking, what, a little helpless co-ed before bed? You know very well, you eat this late... you're gonna get heartburn. Get it? Heartburn? That's it? That's all I get? One lame-ass vamp with no appreciation for my painstakingly thought-out puns? I don't think the forces of darkness are even trying. I mean, you could make a little effort here, you know? Give me something to work with."
Giles: "Can I get you anything? Tea? I made a very interesting mousaka last night, if you're hungry."
Buffy: "Pass on the tea. And the moose, thank you."Buffy: "Oz, you okay? If it's possible, you seem more monosyllabic than usual."
Buffy: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find something slutty to wear tonight."
Buffy: "We need to boil those and put them through the ricer."
Giles: "I don't think I have a ricer."
Buffy: "You don't have a ricer? What do you mean? How could someone not have a ricer?"
Giles: "Well, do you have one at home?"
Buffy: "I don't know. What's a ricer?"Willow: "Buffy, earlier you agreed with me about Thanksgiving. It's a sham. It's all about death."
Buffy: "It is a sham. But it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham."Willow: "Oh, thought... we're just assuming someone else cut off the ear. What if it was self-inflicted, like Van Gogh?"
Buffy: "So, she brutally stabs herself, dumped the body, then cut off her own ear?"Buffy: "So you haven't murdered anybody lately? Let's be best pals!"
Buffy: "It's just... different, you know? A picnic! First of all, daylight. That's kind of a new venue, Buffywise. And the best part - he said that he would bring all the food, so all I have to do is show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at."
Willow: "So he's nice?"
Buffy: "Very, very."
Willow: "And there's sparkage?"
Buffy: "Yeah. He's... have you seen his arms? Those are... good arms to have."
Buffy: "I know it's nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand-in-hand with pain and fighting. (stakes vamp) I wonder where I get that from?"
Giles: "We can't let you go until we're sure that you're impotent or-"
Spike: "Hey!"
Giles: "Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you're..."
Buffy: "Flaccid?"
Spike: "You are one step away, missy!"
Buffy: "Giles, help! He's gonna scold me."Buffy: "Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away."
Giles: "Oh, please."
Spike: "Giles, make her stop!"Buffy: "One more word out of you, and I swear...
Spike: "Swear what? You're not gonna do anything to me. You don't have the stones."
Buffy: "Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of... stones."
Spike: "Yeah? You're all talk."
Buffy: "Giles! I accidentally killed Spike! That's okay, right?"Spike: "I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding your body for weeks."
Buffy: "Oh, make a move. Please. I'm dying for a good slay."Buffy: "Uhh! Spike lips! Lips of Spike!"
Riley: "So what have you got going on tonight?"
Buffy: "Oh, patrolling."
Riley: "Patrolling?"
Buffy: "Uh, petroleum."
Riley: "Petroleum?"
Buffy: "Uh-huh."
Riley: "Tonight you have crude oil?"
Buffy: "And homework."Buffy: "I thought a professional demon-chaser like yourself would have figured it out by now. I'm the Slayer. (pause, blank look from Riley) Slay-er? Chosen One. She-who-hangs-out-a-lot-in-cemeteries?"
Buffy: "Look it up: Slayer, comma, The."
Buffy: "I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, 'Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh.'"
Riley: "No, I mean you're stupid. I mean... I don't mean that. No. I think maybe I do."
Buffy: "Well, with sweet talk like that, you'll definitely melt my reservations."Willow: "If we leave him alone, he'll stake himself."
Buffy: "And that's bad because...?"Maggie Walsh: "So, the Slayer."
Buffy: "Yeah, that's me."
Maggie Walsh: "We thought you were a myth."
Buffy: "Well, you were myth-taken."Buffy: "I sort of kicked him across the room last night."
Willow: "Um, that's not good."
Buffy: "We were sparring and he said not to hold back. And he's a little dented. But he said he was okay with it. And I think he's okay with it. Do you think he's okay with it?"Buffy: "You okay?"
Giles: "Oh, um, embarrassed, mostly. Ethan's wardrobe's not helping any. How did you know it was me?"
Buffy: "Your eyes. You're the only person in the world that can look THAT annoyed with me."Buffy: "Professor Walsh? That simple little recon you sent me on? Wasn't a raccoon."
Buffy: "Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parent's marriage."
Buffy: "When I find it, I'm going to make him pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. (pause) That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas."
Buffy: "And the Spike thing isn't as tweaked as it looked. Okay, maybe it is. But there's an explanation that almost makes sense. Hello? I'm apologizing here. And I think that's pretty big of me, considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich."
Willy: "Look, if they see me dealing with you, then I'm just the same old Willy, working both sides of the street."
Buffy: "I'm gonna have to punch you, aren't I?"
Willy: "Just once, and it doesn't have to hurt. Just make it look good."
(Buffy cocks fist)
Willy: "Ow! Oh!"
Buffy: "Not yet - I haven't touched you!"Buffy: "Sorry, I'm the only one who can pass the retinal scan."
Xander: "The... ew! I don't wanna see that."
Buffy: "RETINAL scan, Xander."Buffy: "Why? Spell it out for me - I feel an attack of dumb blonde coming on."
Buffy: "It was like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast. He gave the commando guys the slip with no problem."
Willow: "There's got to be a flaw."
Buffy: "I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight."Buffy: "There's a demonoid killing machine out there, Giles. It doesn't only work the night shift."
Buffy: "He's the Terminator without the bashful charm."
Buffy: "Giles used to be part of this Council. And for years, all they ever did was give me orders."
Riley: "Ever obey them?"
Buffy: "Sure. The ones I was going to do anyway."For the next few quotes Faith(Buffy): Means that its Buffy in Faith's body.
Council guy: This'll bloody keep you quiet." Faith (Buffy): "How about this? I'll be quiet and you can scream."
Giles: "If you are Buffy, then you'll let me tie you up... without killing me... until we find out whether you're telling the truth."
Faith (Buffy): "Giles, Faith has taken my body, and for all I know she's taken it to Mexico by now. I don't have time for bondage fun."Faith (Buffy): "Ask me a question. Ask me anything."
Giles: "Who's president?"
Faith (Buffy): "We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion."Faith (Buffy): "Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean, can't you look into my eyes and be all intuitive?"
Faith (Buffy): "And you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid, lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker-type, but... Oh, oh! When I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. Do you want me to continue?"
Giles: "Actually, I beg you to stop."
Faith (Buffy): "What's a stevedore?"Spike: "Yeah, back off, Betty."
Buffy: "It's Buffy, you big, bleached... stupid guy."Buffy: "Now, if Slaying was a competitive sport, then I'd have a chance. You know, we could have figure staking, and speed staking."
Buffy: "There's no way he could know. I mean, you don't just look at someone and say, 'Hey, that's not your body. Get out of that body with your hands up!'"
Riley: "Quite the couple, aren't they?"
Buffy: "They get into a fist fight, I got $50 on Anya."Buffy: "Okay, you get Fang, I'll get Horny. I mean..."
Buffy: "Okay, I'm all with the whoo-hoo, here, and you're not."
Willow: "No, there's "whoo," and "hoo." But there's "uh-oh" and "why now?" And it's complicated."
Buffy: "Why complicated?"
Willow: "It's complicated... because of Tara."
Buffy: "You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No, you... Oh! Oh."Riley: "How'd you get in?"
Buffy: "Talk later. Stealthy escape now."Forrest: "You killing humans now?"
Buffy: "Not yet. Beating you senseless should do just fine."Buffy: "I see one more display of testosterone-poisoning, and I will personally put you both in the hospital."
Buffy: "Judgemental? If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out."
Buffy: "But what else could I expect from a bunch of low-rent, no-account hoodlums like you? Hoodlums, yes. I mean you and your friends, your whole sex. Throw 'em in the sea for all I care. Throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles. Men, with your groping and spitting, all groin, no brain. Three billion of ya passing around the same worn-out urge. Men... with your sales."
Buffy: "Are you quite finished. It's over, okay? I'm going to ignore you, and you're going to go away. You're really going to have to get over the whole primal power thing. You're not the source of me. Also, in terms of hair care, you really want to say, what kind of impression am I making in the workplace? 'Cause..."
Buffy: "You know, you could have brought that up to us before we did it."
Giles: "I did! I said there could be dire consequences."
Buffy: "Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast."
Season 5
Buffy: "Go, Team Me!"
Buffy: "So let me get this straight. You're... Dracula, the guy, the Count?"
Dracula: "I am."
Buffy: "And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? 'Cause I've fought more than a couple pimply, overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat."Dracula: "You are magnificent."
Buffy: "I bet you say that before you bite all the girls."Riley: "Oh, Slayer training?"
Buffy: "Slayer shopping, actually, but equally as important."Buffy: "You put it in neutral again, huh?"
Giles: "I'm just not used to this automatic transmission. I-I loathe this just sitting here, not contributing. No, no, no, it's not working out."
Buffy: "Giles, are you breaking up with your car?"
Giles: "Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty."
Buffy: "Little two-door tramp!"Buffy: (giggling uncontrollably) "Harmony has minions?"
Xander: "Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction."
Buffy: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just...Harmony has minions!"
Xander: "And ruffles have ridges. Buffy, there's actually a more serious side to all this."
Buffy: "I sure hope so, 'cause I'm having trouble breathing."Harmony: "So, Slayer. At last we meet."
Buffy: "We've met, Harmony, you half-wit."Buffy: "Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the Homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad, you suck."
Buffy: (to Dawn) "Don't break anything. Just don't touch anything. What you're doing right now, not moving? Good. Keep doing that."
Buffy: "I guess it has been a long day with the Crusades. I could take a little break from the violence for some... ooh, fighting!"
Buffy: "Relax. Another day, another demon."
Buffy: "Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say!"
Buffy: "Don't worry, Will, you still wear the smarty-pants in the family."
Buffy: "I'm starting to think this working hard is hard work."
Vampire: "I've always wanted to kill the Slayer."
Buffy: "And I've always wanted piano lessons. Really, who's surprised we have all this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I'm expressing mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart. (dusts vamp) I think that sets the world speed record for closure."Guard: "Miss, if you're looking for one of those rave parties, I'm afraid you're late. I chased a bunch of kids out of here last night."
Buffy: "Oh. Right. Yeah. Darn. My fellow ravers will be so disappointed. It was my turn to bring the bundt cake."Riley: "So, what do I do?"
Buffy: "Lots. Tons. Lots and lots of tons."Riley: "So you need me to light incense and pour sand?"
Buffy: "Magic incense. And... and spooky sand."Buffy: "I just had a bad day."
Dawn: "Well, join the club."
Buffy: "Can I be president?"Giles: "Stop it, or you're going to break something."
(Xander & Riley continue wrestling)
Buffy: "Or I'm going to break something."
(X & R stop immediately)Buffy: "Nothing like getting your ass kicked to make your ass hurt."
Giles: "Come up with anything yet?"
Xander: "Well, candles maybe, or bath oils of some kind."
Buffy: "I saw a really cute sweater at Bloomies, but I think I want me to have it."Buffy: "Besides, Melinda's a bad influence. I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short."
Buffy: "You know, it's probably none of my business, but I just gotta ask... you smell this bad when you were alive? 'Cause if it's a postmortem thing, then boy, is my face red. But just so you know, the fast- growing field of personal grooming's come a long way since you became a vampire."
Buffy: "Accelerated healing powers come with the Slayer package. And the boyfriend who comes complete with combat medical training? That's just a Buffy Summers bonus."
Dawn: "Did I just pull a Slayer-related Mom cover-up thing? Come on. Who's the man?"
Buffy: "You are. A very short, annoying man."Dawn: "When do I get to patrol?"
Buffy: "Not until you're never!"Giles: "What does it say?"
Buffy: "Same as all the others. Slayer called, blah blah, great protector, blah blah, scary battles, blah blah, oops! She's dead. Where are the details?"
Giles: "Details? Well, it says this Slayer forged her own weapons."
Buffy: "Gotta love a gal with an anvil."Spike: "You know, there are quite a few American beers that are highly underrated. This, unfortunately, is not one of them."
Buffy: "Update, Spike: We're not here to discuss the fine choice of hops."Buffy: "Waiting? Give me a break. We got tons to do."
Dawn: "We have soap operas to watch, and trashy magazines to read."
Buffy: "And an adjustable bed to fiddle with. That alone can keep me busy for four hours or so."Joyce: "I bet it's not even hooked up to anything. Just like the push buttons at the crosswalk that are supposed to make the signal change."
Buffy: "I'm sure someone's on-- What? The push buttons aren't hooked up to anything?"Buffy: "It's like all the tension's just left my body."
Riley: "Already? 'Cause I had that scheduled for a little later on."
Buffy: "Scheduled? Are you planning on seducing me, Mr. Finn?"Joyce: "I don't know, Buffy. I think I'd look like I had a cat on my head."
Buffy: "But a very well-groomed cat."Buffy: "Wigs are fun. We could get you a whole bunch of different ones. You know, you could be like 60's mom, Action mom, French-maid mom..."
Buffy: "And I'm sure he'll come over later looking for a little... bible study."
Buffy: "Riley?"
Spike: "It's me."
Buffy: "Every time you show up like this, you risk all of your parts, you know that?"Buffy: "Vampires are vampires, and my job description is pretty clear."
Buffy: "'Hey, gee, Buffy's so mysterious, I think I'll go out and almost die.'"
Buffy: "So, um, about being a nun. You know, um, with the whole abjuring the company of men, you know? How's that working for you? The abjuring."
Nun: "Um, good."
Buffy: "Yeah, do you have to be, like, super-religious?"
Nun: "Well, uh..."
Buffy: "How's the food?"Giles: "The resources that the Watcher's Council have at their disposal... I mean, the central library alone is--"
Buffy: "Don't talk about the books again. You get all... And sometimes there's drool."Buffy: "It wasn't like that. I was never angry with him. Okay, that's a lie."
Buffy: "Stop being insightful. It's creepy."
Buffy: "New semester, new classes, whole new vistas of knowledge to be confused and intimidated by."
Buffy: "I really don't need a daily two-o'clock knife in the heart."
Tara: "Willow says that things always happen for a reason."
Buffy: "Yeah, but you ever notice people only say that about bad things?"Buffy: "Xander left Anya?"
Tara: "No... Not left her, left her. He just left. It was only a little thing, really."
Buffy: "Little thing? See, the thing is, little things get bigger. You know? And, and if you don't catch the little thing, and then boom! You have this whole huge thing! Not them, with the little things. They can't break up! They have a beautiful love."
Tara: "I think they'll be fine."
Buffy: (sobbing) "They have a miraculous love!"Spike: "I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. Look at all these lovely, blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. I knew you wouldn't like it."
Buffy: "You want credit for not feeding off bleeding disaster victims?"Buffy: "They [the watchers council] put me through that test and almost killed me. And then when I was Faith, they almost killed me again. Honestly, I really can't handle almost being killed right now."
Giles: "I should have set you loose on them, that's what I should have done."
Buffy: "Giles, that Travers guy is like 60. I can't hit him. Can I?"Quentin: "Agility, clarity, stamina, and strength. These are the qualities that the Slayer must possess to do her job."
Buffy: "What came after agility?"Buffy: "No review. No interrogation. No questions you know I can't answer. No hoops, no jumps. And no interruptions."
Buffy: "You can't do anything with the information you have, except maybe publish it in the Everyone-Thinks-We're- Insano's Home Journal."
Giles: "I'm not sure our regular workout is ... challenging you any more. Perhaps we should make it harder."
Buffy: "You always think harder is better. Maybe next time I patrol I should carry a load of bricks, use a stake made of butter."Dawn: "Like you'd tell me anyway. Dawn's too young and Dawn's too delicate."
Buffy: "Right. A young delicate pain in my butt."Dawn: "Here. Open mine." (Gives gift to Buffy)
Buffy: "It's not gonna explode, is it?"Willow: "Not even a card, huh?"
Buffy: "I wasn't really expecting one. No contact with civilians. There's probably a ... code name for it. You know, like radio silence, it's 'greeting card silence.'"Buffy: "Get away from my sister."
Glory: "Hey, we were just talking about you."
Buffy: "Conversation's over, hell-bitch."Buffy: "It doesn't matter where you came from, or, or how you got here. You are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't."
Dawn: "Oh. Is she mad about the whole fire thing?"
Buffy: "I think you sorta have a get-out-of-jail-free card on account of big love and trauma."Buffy: "I'm back by popular demand."
Giles: "About the best thing you can do now is behave exactly as you always have. Any special treatment at this stage is likely to undermine Dawn's sense of normality."
Buffy: "You think so?"
Giles: "Absolutely."
Buffy: "Thanks. [shouts] Dawn!"
Dawn: "What?"
Buffy: "What did I tell you about borrowing my clothing?"Willow: "What did you think [about the Hunchback of Notre Dame], Buffy?"
Buffy: "Test isn't until tomorrow, right? I don't have an opinion till then."
Willow: "But you read it, right?"
Buffy: "Kind of not. I rented the movie."
Tara: "Oh, with Charles Laughton?"
Buffy: "I don't know. Was he one of the singing gargoyles?"
Willow: "Oh, boy."
Buffy: "I'm kidding!"
Buffy: "'Unconfirmed reports of severe trauma to the throats of one or more of the victims.' Survey says... vampire."
Buffy: "Why doesn't that register with you? Crypt plus vampire equals bad."
Buffy: "Hanging out with Spike is not cool, Dawn, okay? It is dangerous, and... icky."
Buffy: "You cannot have a crush on something that is dead and evil and a vampire."
Spike: "I got a bit of info you might be keen on knowing."
Buffy: "Sorry, all out of cash. Why don't you hit on Giles-- hit UP Giles."Buffy: "Eww."
Spike: "It's not blood, it's bourbon."
Buffy: "Eww."Buffy: "You don't know what feelings are."
Spike: "I damn well do! I lie awake every night."
Buffy: "You sleep during the day!"
Willow: "Buffy, you have to talk to him again."
Buffy: "What? No! No, no, no. I have to avoid him again."Joyce: "Better to nip this in the bud before..."
Buffy: "The bud nips me?"Spike: "I'm gonna kill Drusilla for you."
Buffy: "That doesn't prove anything... except that you're a sick, miserable vampire that I should have dusted a long time ago. And, hey! Already there."Spike: "What the hell does it take?! Why do you bitches torture me?!"
Buffy: "Which question do you want me to answer first?"Buffy: "What part of punching you in the face did you not understand?"
Buffy: "I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, 'Woof! That's the one for me.'"
Buffy: "See, that's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple, really. You slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell, and-- sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll come across a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it."
Xander: "He can come along any minute."
Buffy: "Yeah, and the minute after that, I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement."Buffy: "I could laugh at his jokes. Men like that, right? The joke laughing at?"
Joyce: "So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?"
Dawn: "I like it."
Joyce: "You sure? it's not too Mom-ish?"
Dawn: "Oh. That was why I liked it."
Buffy: "You're both crazy. It's not Mom-ish at all. It's sexy. It screams, 'Randy sex kitten -- buy me one drink and I'll--' Oh, wait, that's not really good, either."Joyce: "What time is it?"
Buffy: "4:23. You have lots of time until 7:00. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops."Buffy: "Oh, no -- love doctor Buffy is not in. I'm not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left."
Dawn: "You're going to that Spring Break party tonight. Maybe you'll find someone there."
Buffy: "Or maybe Brian has a son and Mom and I can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates."Buffy: "And again with the non-medical clothing."
Ben: "Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants." (pause) "Man, that sounded so funny in my head."
Buffy: (fake laughs) "It's very, very funny. It's funny in my head, too."Buffy: "Ow! I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me."
Buffy: "If it makes you feel any better, my fun-time-Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window. So, if you want to trade-- No, wait... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything!"
Buffy: "Unless you want to stay for a while, then you and I could--"
Joyce: "Who wants to hear everything?"
Buffy: "...listen to my mom talk about boys."
Buffy: "I didn't even see a good-night kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me."
Joyce: "I suppose, by your standards, it could seem pretty... Oh, dear."
Buffy: "What?"
Joyce: "I left my bra in his car."
Buffy: "Mother!"
Joyce: "I'm joking."
Buffy: "Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that."
Joyce: "I left it in the restaurant."
Buffy: "No more! No more! No more!"
Joyce: "On the dessert cart."
Buffy: "I can't hear you!"Buffy: "I found your number in my pocket, and, you know, I figured I'd pick up the phone a couple of times and then hang up and then finally call and see if maybe you wanted to get that cup of coffee or..."
Xander: "I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack."
Buffy: "And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there."Giles: "Want to open another?"
Joyce: "Do we dare?"
Buffy: "As long as you two stay away from the band candy, I'm cool with anything."Joyce: "You are a demon child."
Buffy: "I live to torment you. Is that so wrong?"Buffy: "I can beat up the demons until the cows come home... and then I can beat up the cows."
Buffy: "I love you. Really love you."
Dawn: "Gettin' weird."
Buffy: "Sorry, but it's important that I tell you. Weird love's better than no love."Buffy: "A Guide, but no food or water. So it leads me to a sacred place, and then a week later it leads you to my bleached bones?"
Buffy: "So, how does it start?"
Giles: "I, uh, jump out of the circle, then I jump back in it. And then I... uh... shake my gourd."
Buffy: "Oh, I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around."Buffybot: "You're evil."
Spike: "And that excites you?"
Buffybot: "It excites me, it terrifies me. I try so hard to resist you and I can't."
Spike: "Yeah?"
Buffybot: "Darn your sinister attraction!"Willow: "So, just this one time, you did something kinda crazy..."[i.e. slept with Spike]
Buffybot: "It wasn't one time. It was lots of times. And lots of different ways. I could make sketches!"Buffybot: "Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid."
Anya: "We're just kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike."
Buffy: "The who whatting how with huh?"Xander: "No one is judging you. It's understandable-- Spike is strong and mysterious, and sort of compact, but well-muscled...."
Buffy: "I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be!"Prof. Lillian: "I'm glad you like poetry, Buffy."
Buffy: "I wish I had time for it. But I just don't right now."
Prof. Lillian: "Well, maybe short poems."
Buffy: "Like those Japanese ones that... um, sound like a sneeze?"
Prof. Lillian: "Haiku?"Buffy: "I want you to do it. You can be the foot-putting-down-er!"
Giles: "No, Buffy, I don't think I can."
Buffy: "Please! Pretty please! I mean your foot is way bigger than mine... and you're so much more grown up than me!"Buffy: "O.K., so... I think the next step is to make a chart. A schedule. I'll write down all the things you're supposed to do and when you have to do them, and then I'll leave a box next to it which you can mark with an 'X' when you've accomplished the task. (off Dawn's look) What? You want gold stars? O.K., you can have gold stars."
Buffy: "Chicken salad."
Willow: "Right here."
Buffy: "Eggplant -- that's me."
Buffy: "Salami with... ew... peanut butter? -- Dawn."Glory: "Last words, Slay-runt?"
Buffy: "Just one-- Truck."Dawn: "You're not fleeing, you're...moving at a brisk pace."
Buffy: "Quaintly referred to in some cultures as 'The Big Scairdy Run-Away'."Dawn: "At least things can't get any crazier, right?"
(crossbow bolt thunks into wall)
Buffy: "You know this is your fault for saying that."Giles: "I-I'm afraid it's, um ... well, Buffy, I've read these things very carefully and there's not much ... margin for error. You understand what I'm saying?"
Buffy: "Might help if you actually said it."Buffy: "You don't seem very well."
Glory: "Your little witch bitch ... gave me kind of a headache there. But if you think this is gonna last more than eight seconds-"
Buffy: "I noticed you're talking, whereas in your position, I would attack me."Glory: "You lost your hammer, sweet cheeks. What are you gonna hit me with now?"
[A huge wrecking-ball crashes through the wall and into Glory.]
Buffy: "Whatever's handy."Glory: "You're just a mortal. You couldn't understand my pain."
Buffy: "Then I'll just have to settle for causing it."
Glory: "You can't kill me."
Buffy: "No ... (hefts the hammer) but my arm's not even tired yet."Buffy: "Dawn, listen to me. Listen. I love you. I will *always* love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles ... tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world ... is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."
Quotes up till the end of "The Gift".