---

Season 5

Dawn: "No one has an older sister who's a Slayer. People wouldn't be so crazy about her if they had to live in the same house with her every single day. Everybody cares what she thinks, just 'cause she can do backflips and stuff. Like that's such a crucial job skill in the real world!"

Dawn: "I could so save the world if somebody handed me super-powers. But I'd think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones. Which Buffy doesn't even."

Dawn: "Killing things with wood? Ooh, scary vampires--they die from a splinter."

Buffy: "We're just going to the magic shop--no school supplies there."
Dawn: "Yeah, Mom, I'm not going to Hogwarts. Hog--Geeze, crack a book sometime."

Dawn: "They're always kissing... and groping. I bet they've had sex."

Dawn: "I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me too much. I think it's 'cause he's just so... old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word 'newfangled' one time, so he's got to be pretty far gone."

Dawn: "They do spells and stuff, which is so much cooler than Slaying. I told Mom one time I wished they'd teach me some of the things they do together. And then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs."

Dawn: "You're hurting me. I'm telling."

Dawn: "Xander's so much cuter than anyone. And smarter, too. He totally skipped college, and got a job working construction. Which is so kind of...deep, you know? He builds things."

Dawn: "Yeah, well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me."

Dawn: "My friend Sharon's older brother knows a girl who died 'cause she choked on her boyfriend's tongue."

Buffy: "Dawn, touch nothing."
Dawn: "Who died and made you the Iron Chef?"

Joyce: "I get to worry about you two, which is a good thing, because you're a vampire Slayer. And you, you are my little punkin' belly."
Dawn: "Mom, that's, like, my kid name."
Joyce: "So, I can't be retro?"
Buffy: "Did you ever have any names for me?"
Joyce: "No, I think you were always just Buffy."
Dawn: "I got some names for ya."

Dawn: "You break it, you bought it. Heard you the first sixty times."

Dawn: "You can't patrol. Buffy said."
Buffy: "No, I didn't."
Dawn: "Yeah, remember? You said it'd be easier if you didn't have to look out for anybody?"
Buffy: "Well, I wasn't talking about Riley."
Riley: "Don't worry about it."
Dawn: "Oh, she just said you look even cuter when you're all weak and kitten-y, and she'd better go solo, or you'd get hurt."

Dawn: "We can't all be born with big, fancy, chosen-one reflexes, you know."

Dawn: "Oh, come on! Please! Please, like, times ten, and cubed! Please?"

Dawn: "I tell you I have this theory? It goes where you're the one who's not my sister, 'cause Mom adopted you from a shoebox full of baby howler monkeys, and never told you 'cause it could hurt your delicate baby feelings."
Buffy: "That's your theory?"
Dawn: "Explains your fashion sense. And smell."

Buffy: "I just had a bad day."
Dawn: "Well, join the club."
Buffy: "Can I be president?"
Dawn: "I'm president. You could be the janitor."

Dawn: "I'm going to Melinda's for dinner."
Buffy: "Since when?"
Dawn: "Nowish."
Buffy: "You can't. It's not safe for you to walk there."
Dawn: "It's across the street."

Dawn: "This place is so cool. Except I have to wear this stupid stamp on my hand."
Xander: "That's to keep you from boozing it up."
Dawn: "Oh, please. Only losers drink alcohol."
(everyone lowers their cups)

Dawn: "Oh, cool. I mean, gross."

Dawn: "Oh sure. I save your butt and you dump all your chores on me."

Dawn: "What is a CAT scan, exactly?"
Buffy: "I don't know. It's an x-ray, I guess."
Dawn: "Where do they get the "CAT" scan from? I mean, do they test it on cats, or... or does the machine sort of look like a cat?"

Dawn: "She sure cries a lot less with you that she did with Angel."
Riley: "Angel made her cry a lot, huh?"
Dawn: "Everything with Angel was all 'eyeee!', you know?"
Riley: "All...?"
Dawn: "You know, 'my boyfriend's a vampire' crazy crazy. Every day was like the end of the world. She doesn't get all worked up like that over you."

Dawn: "I like the jell-o."
Joyce: "Help yourself. There's something about food that moves by itself that gives me the heebie-jeebies."
Dawn: "It's good and wiggly. There's a girl at school told me that gelatin is made from ground up cows feet, and that if you eat jell-o there's some cows that are limping with no feet, but I told her I'm sure they kill 'em before they take off their feet... right?"

Dawn: "I'm only sleeping over here so Buffy and Riley can boink."
Xander: "No, no... that's not it at all. They just need time to... um, be tender. Relax."
Anya: "He's not very convincing, is he?"
Dawn: "Alone time always translates into 'Get Dawn out of the house so we can have loud, obnoxious sex.'"

Buffy: "How was school today?"
Dawn: "Um, the usual. Big square building filled with boredom and despair."

Dawn: "Is it about that weird girl that came to the house?" Buffy: "Glory. And no it's not." Dawn: "Like you'd tell me anyway. Dawn's too young and Dawn's too delicate." Buffy: "Right. A young delicate pain in my butt." Dawn: "I just think you're freakin' out 'cause you have to fight someone prettier than you. That is the case, right?"

Dawn: "Well, geez, don't get all movie-of-the-week. I was just too cheap to buy a real present."

Dawn: "Oh. Right. Of course. Can't let Dawn hear anything. (angry) Fine. I'm just gonna go to bed. That way I won't accidentally get exposed to, like, words."

Joyce: "Honey? You're gonna be late for school."
Dawn: "I'm not going. Blobs of energy don't need an education."

Buffy: "I have to get you back home though. Mom's freaking out."
Dawn: "Oh. Is she mad about the whole fire thing?"
Buffy: "I think you sorta have a get-out-of-jail-free card on account of big love and trauma."
Dawn: "Really? Okay. Good."
They start to walk out, holding hands.
Dawn: "You think she'd raise my allowance?"

Buffy: "I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again?"
Dawn: "Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more."
Buffy: "Now could you go the other way?"
Joyce: "You're messing with me."
Buffy: "We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it."
Dawn: "Was that five or four-and-a-half?"

Joyce: "So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?"
Dawn: "I like it."
Joyce: "You sure? it's not too Mom-ish?"
Dawn: "Oh. That was why I liked it."

Dawn: "Um, guys -- hello, puberty? Sort of figured out the whole no-Santa thing."

Dawn: "What a prima be-yatch. I swear, if I could make her head explode using only the power of my mind, that's what I'd be doing right about now."

Dawn: "You know, my big sister could really beat the crap out of her. I mean, REALLY really."

Dawn: "I have to pee."
Buffy: "Do you want someone to go with you?"
Dawn: "No. I still remember how to pee."

Buffy: "Giles, you don't have to help. You cooked."
Giles: "Oh, come on. I like to help. Helping you two out makes me feel useful."
Dawn: "Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You could feel indispensible."

Buffy: "Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have them before they get furry and we have to name them."
Dawn: "Hey! I was, like, five then."

Buffy: "I love you. Really love you."
Dawn: "Gettin' weird."

Buffy: "You lied to me?"
Dawn: "I didn't lie... exactly..."
Buffy: "Oh, really? What about all those times I asked you how school was and you said, 'Fine'?"
Dawn: "Well, it was! You didn't ask if I was in it when it was fine..."

Dawn: "And then whoosh! All of a sudden Glory's standing right there in front of us, all skanky and blonde and thinking she's all bad just 'cuz some bumpy heads kiss her stinky feet -- she does have nice feet -- and she's coming right at us and Buffy's just standing there, not even blinking, like "Bring it on!" and wham! Hell-Bitch in orbit."

Dawn: "Hey, I think Anya's gonna try to cook. Want to come watch the tears and recriminations?"

Ben: "I wish there were another way."
Dawn: "And I wish you'd fall on your head and drown in your own barf. So I guess we're both disappointed."

Quotes up till the end of Season 5