Season 2

Cordelia: "Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer, I'm-so-great, I-don't-have-to-show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna' be there?"
Oz: "Yeah, you know, he's just going by 'Devon' now."
Cordelia: "Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that I didn't even mention it, and that I didn't even see you. So that's just fine."
Oz: "So what do I tell him?"
Cordelia: "Nothing! Jeez, get with the program."
Oz: "Why can't I meet a nice girl like that?"

Buffy: "Try it!"
Oz: "Try what?"
Buffy: "I'm sorry."
Oz: "Still not clear what I'm supposed to try."
Buffy: "Nothing. God, I'm sorry, I..."
Oz: "That's a tense person."

Oz: "Uh, yeah, I'm shot! Ya' know, wow! It's odd...and painful."

Willow: "How's your arm?"
Oz: "Suddenly painless."

Oz: "Oh look, monkey. And he has a little hat, and little pants."
Willow: "Yeah. I see."
Oz: "The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that? You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen."
Willow: "..."
Oz: "So I'm wonderin', do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped, like it's the hippo going, 'Hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity.' And you know the monkey's just, [French accent] 'I mock you with my monkey pants.' And then there's a big coup in the zoo."
Willow: "The monkey is French?"
Oz: "All monkeys are French. Did you know that?"
Willow: "No."

Oz: "I'm gonna' ask you to go out with me tomorrow night, and I'm kinda' nervous about it, actually. It's interesting."
Willow: "Oh, well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna' say 'yes'."
Oz: "Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone."

Oz: "Do you wanna' go out with me tomorrow night?"
Willow: "Oh, I can't!"
Oz: "Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable."

Willow: "Hi!"
Oz: "Oh, that's what I was gonna' say."

Larry: "Man, Oz, I would love to get some of that Buffy 'n Willow action, if you know what I mean. Ha ha ha."
Oz: "That's great, Larry, you've really mastered the single entendre."

Oz: "That kinda' hurt."
Xander: "'Kinda''? What was that for?"
Oz: "I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about you. Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to hit you."

Oz: "Here, Buffy." (Buff has been turned into a rat)

Oz: "But we know the world didn't end, 'cause... check it out."

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Season 3

Oz: "Well, it's sort of a funny story. You remember when I didn't graduate?"
Willow: "Well, I know you had a lot of incompletes, but that's what summer school was for."
Oz: "Yeah. Well, you remember when I didn't go?"

Xander: "Yeah, the slaying isn't getting any easier, either."
Oz: "I don't know, I think we're kinda getting a rhythm down."
Xander: "We're losing half the vamps."
Oz: "Yeah, but... rhythmically."

Oz: "It looks dead. It smells dead. Yet it's moving around. That's interesting."

Oz: "Okay, you know that thing where you bail in the middle of an upsetting conversation? I have to do that. It's kind of dramatic, I know, but... sometimes it's a necessary guy thing.

Scott: "I assumed that you would think it was corny or something. But I'm in, I mean, you know, if you are, if you want to."
Buffy: "Sure. I do, you know, if you want to."
Scott: "Well, I do if you want to."
Oz: "The judges will accept that as a yes."

Oz: "As Willow goes, so goes my nation."

Buffy: "Something's weird."
Oz: "Something's not?"

Oz: "I can see why you'd be upset. That was my sarcastic voice."
Xander: "You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice."
Oz: "I've been told that."

Oz: " It's Willow. She's nearby."
Cordelia: "What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume."
Oz: "She's afraid."
Cordelia: "Oh my god. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing."
Oz: "I really agree."

Oz: "So Cordelia wished for something? If it was a long, healthy life, she should get her money back."

Oz: "I miss you... like, every second. It's like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso."

Willow: "Where are you going?"
Oz: "No, I'm not going. Just a dramatic gesture."

Willow: "Aha! A curse on Slayers. Oh, no, wait. It's lawyers."
Xander: "You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse, and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like, um, Slayer kryptonite."
Oz: "Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills."
Xander: "You're assuming I meant the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers."
Oz: "Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird..."
Buffy: "Guys. Reality."

Xander: "What do I have?"
Oz: "An exciting new obsession. Which I feel makes you very special."
Xander: "Now with the mocking."

Willow: "Maybe I would have liked to go."
Oz: "Didn't figure you for missing school."
Willow: "You think I'm boring."
Oz: "I'd call that a radical interpretation of the text."

Devon: "Man, we need a roadie. Other bands have roadies."
Oz: "Well, other bands know more than three chords. Your professional bands can play up to six, sometimes seven completely different chords."

Willow: "Wow. Like father, like son."
Oz: "How about like exact same guy, like exact same guy?"

Willow: "The school paper is edging on depressing lately. Have you guys noticed that?"
Oz: "I don't know. I always go straight to the obits."

Oz: "It was intense."
Xander: "Yeah, for a minute there, I thought you were going to make an expression."
Oz: "Well, I felt one coming on, I won't lie."

Oz: "I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me, and she becomes me. I cease to exist."

Oz: "No one else exists, either. Buffy is all of us. We think, therefore she is."

Xander: "I'm still having trouble with the fact that one of us is just going to gun everybody down for no reason."
Cordelia: "Yeah, because THAT never happens in American high schools."
Oz: "It's bordering on trendy at this point."

Freddy: "You're not here about the review?"
Oz: "The review?"
Freddy: "Yeah. Last Thursday..."
Oz: "'Dingoes Ate My Baby played their instruments as if they had plump polish sausages taped to their fingers.'"
Freddy: "Sorry, man."
Oz: "No, it's fair."

Xander: "Kerouac. He's my teacher. The open road, my school."
Buffy: "Making the open dumpster your cafeteria?" Xander: "Go ahead, mock me."
Oz: "I think she just did."

Oz: "Once again, the Hellmouth puts the "special" in special occasion."

Oz: "You think I don't care?"
Willow: "I think we could be dead in two days time, and you're being ironic detachment guy."
Oz: "Would it help you if I panicked?"
Willow: "Yes! It'd be swell."
[Oz kisses Willow]
Willow: "What are you doing?"
Oz: "Panicking."

Oz: "Any change?"
Willow: "He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy."
Oz: "You, too, huh?"

Buffy: "Is Angel here?"
Oz: "He had to go. Got kinda sunny."

Cordelia: "I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan."
Oz: "We attack the Mayor with hummus."
Cordelia: "I stand corrected."
Oz: "Just keeping things in perspective."

Xander: "I'm starting to lean towards the Hummus Offensive."
Oz: "They'll never see it coming."

Oz: "Are you nervous?"
Willow: "Only in a terrified way."
Oz: "We're gonna make it through this."
Willow: "Are you sure?"
Oz: "I sound pretty sure, don't I?"
Willow: "Yeah."
Oz: "Well, then I must be sure."

---

Season 4

Xander: "Do we hug?"
Oz: "I think we're too manly."

Willow: "How can you be so calm?"
Oz: "Long, arduous hours of practice."

Willow: "If it wasn't for this English paper, I'd be there right now, listening, doing the girly best-friend thing."
Oz: "Well, I can do that."
Willow: "You can?"
Oz: "Oh, I'm not saying we'll braid each other's hair... probably. But I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge."

Buffy: "So then, Kathy's like, "It's share time," and I'm like, "Oh, yeah? share this!" (mimes punches)"
Oz: "So either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her."
Buffy: "Well, I didn't do either, actually. but she deserved it, don't you think?"
Oz: "Nobody deserves mime, Buffy."
Buffy: "Oh, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box, and blown away by an imaginary wind, and..."
Oz: "Forced to wear a binding unitard?"
Buffy: "Yeah, the itchy kind. It's perfect."
Oz: "Just here to help."

Oz: "Just a thought, Buffy - do you think that all this ranting is scaring away potential demons?"
Buffy: "You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work now! She'd the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer. (smashes bench) She's other really bad things."
Oz: "On the plus side, you killed the bench, which was looking shifty."

Oz: "Devon dated her for a while, but she was too flaky for him, which, stop and marvel at the concept."

Xander: "People, prepare to have your spines tingled and your gooses bumped by the terrifying... Fantasia. Fantasia?"
Oz: "Maybe it's because of all the horrific things we've seen, but hippos wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to."

Willow: "I'll know when I've reached my limit."
Oz: "Wine coolers?"
Buffy: "Magic."
Oz: "Ooh. Didn't encourage her, did you?"
Willow: "Where's supportive boyfriend guy?"
Oz: "Oh, he's picking up your dry-cleaning. But he told me to tell you he's afraid you're gonna get hurt."
Willow: "Okay, Brutus. (pause) Brutus. Uh, Caesar? Betrayal, trusted friend, back-stabby?"
Oz: "Oh, I'm with you on the reference, but..."

Willow: "I'm Joan of Arc. I figured, we had a lot in common. Seeing as how I was almost burned at the stake, and plus, she had that close relationship with God."
Xander: (to Oz) "And you are?"
(Oz pulls back shirt to reveal name badge reading 'God'.)
Xander: "Of course. I wish I'd thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could've been God."
Oz: "Blasphemer."

Buffy: "Thank the lord."
Oz: "You're welcome."

Oz: "Cowering in a closet is starting to sound like a reasonable plan."

Oz: "Hey, you got a table."
Willow: "I had to kill a man."
Oz: "Well, it's a really good table."

Buffy: "Right. So if college is so great, what are we doing here and why is it more fun?"
Willow: "Because the Bronze is nice and familiar. It's like a big comfy blankie."
Oz: "Will, I was under the impression that I was your big comfy blankie."

Willow: "Oz, don't you love me?"
Oz: "My whole life, I've never loved anything else."

Oz: "A woman in Tibet traded it to me for the Radiohead record. Got a lot of mileage out of the barter system."

Willow: "Some of it, you know, was me telling myself I hated you, and cursing your name. Not literally."
Oz: "Well, thanks for that."

Oz: "Hey. I thought I smell-- heard Willow."

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