Season 4

Riley: "But, hey, there is some good scary fun to be had on campus tonight."
Buffy: "Yeah, what are you doing?"
Riley: "Well, I am gonna sit here and grade papers."
Buffy: "Scary."
Riley: "Very."
Buffy: "Well, thanks for the pep talk, coach."
Riley: "Don't make fun. I worked long and hard to get this pompous."

Riley: "I hit him."
Forrest: "What the hell for?"
Riley: "He... he was just being so crude."
Forrest: "Please. You've heard me say much grosser things than that."
Riley: "And most of those were about your own mother."

Willow: "She likes cheese."
Riley: "What?"
Willow: "Well, I'm not saying it's the key to her heart, but Buffy, she likes cheese."
Riley: "That's a start."

Riley: "I can't believe it. I choked."
Willow: "You really, really did."
Riley: "You don't understand. I'm good at things. That's what I do. I work hard, apply myself, get it done."
Willow: "Well, you failed extremely well."
Riley: "That's a great comfort to me."

Riley: "It's not like she blew me off. She just left with another guy, that's all."

Riley: "Did Willow tell you I like cheese?"
Buffy: "You're a little peculiar."
Riley: "I can live with that."

Riley: "Hey, Buffy."
Buffy: "Is there something you want to tell me?"
Riley: "What?"
(Buffy looks at "Lesbian Alliance" sign) Riley: "Oh. Yes, I am a lesbian."

Riley: "The wedding. What wedding?"
Buffy: "My wedding. I'm getting married. Can you believe it?"
Riley: "I don't think no's a strong enough word."
Buffy: "I know, it's crazy. I mean, we fought for all those years, and then... Sometimes you just look at someone, and... you know. You know?"
Riley: "No."
Buffy: "I think maybe we fought because we couldn't admit how we really felt about each other."
Riley: "Can we start again?"

Buffy: "I saw that fear in your eyes when you caught me looking at wedding dresses, and I had to give you a hard time."
Riley: "I did not have fear in my eyes."
Buffy: "Yes, you did. You were looking at me like I was a cartoon ball & chain."
Riley: "So you decided to tell me you were getting married."
Buffy: "Uh-huh."
Riley: "So, you're insane."
Buffy: "Uh-huh."
Riley: "But you're still single?"
Buffy: "Yes."
Riley: "Okay, then. Just another little piece of the Buffy puzzle."

Riley: "So tell me about your dream. As a psych major, I'm qualified to go, 'hmmm'."
Buffy: "I don't really remember."
Riley: "Well, did I appear at all in this dream?"
Buffy: "There might have been a cameo."
Riley: "Is that right?"
Buffy: "More like a featured role."
Riley: "Romantic lead?"

Riley: "So what have you got going on tonight?"
Buffy: "Oh, patrolling."
Riley: "Patrolling?"
Buffy: "Uh, petroleum."
Riley: "Petroleum?"
Buffy: "Uh-huh."
Riley: "Tonight you have crude oil?"

Buffy: "I can't."
Riley: "Can't talk?"
Buffy: "Can't any of it. I can't be with you. It's a huge black pit of a mistake, and I can't go there again."
Riley: "Again? You dated me before?"

Riley: "Wow."
Buffy: "Those were my best stories. I didn't tell you the "Buffy breaks her butt" stories."
Riley: "But you killed the... you did the thing with that... You drowned. And the snake? Not to mention the daily slayage of... Wow."
Buffy: "It's no big, really. Hey, who wants ice cream?"
Riley: "Buffy... when I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. It turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse."

Buffy: "Oh god, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"
Riley: "No. A giant skewer through the ribcage hurt me. That was just a reminder."

Buffy: "She's a very dangerous woman."
Riley: "Okay, I get it, Faith bad. Do I look like I'm arguing?"
Buffy: "Not yet. But you always make that innocent face right before you start."
Riley: "Figured that out, huh? Damn. Took Mom twelve years to catch that one."

Riley: "Door's open."
Buffy (Faith): "So?"
Riley: "So my fantasies don't tend to include a bunch of Marines staring in at me."

Riley: "What are we playing at here?"
Buffy (Faith): "I'm Buffy."
Riley: "Okay. Then I'll be Riley."

Riley: "Oz is a werewolf, and Willow was dating him?!"
Buffy: "Yes. Hence the high emotions."
Riley: "Man, you're kidding me? I got to say I'm surprised. I didn't think Willow was that kind of girl."
Buffy: "What kind of girl?"
Riley: "Into dangerous guys. She seemed smarter than that."
Buffy: "Oz is not dangerous. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. God, I never knew you were such a bigot."
Riley: "Whoa! Hey, how did we get to bigot? I'm just saying it's a little weird to date someone who tries to eat you once a month."

Riley: "That explains a lot of things that I wish weren't explained."

Buffy: "You joined the circus?"
Riley: "Xander took my clothes to clean them, left me these. Does he, uh, hate me in some way I don't know about yet?"

Riley: "It's the pants, isn't it? It's okay, I couldn't take me seriously in these things, either."

Riley: "When I saw that he was bad..."
Buffy: "He's... not bad."
Riley: "Seriously? That's a good day? Well, there you go. Even when he's good, he's all Mr. Billowy-coat, king of pain, and girls really..."

---

Season 5

Willow: "Game over?"
Riley: "Buffy slayed the football."

Buffy: "I told you he'd heard of me, right? I mean, can you believe that? Count Famous heard of me."
Riley: "I couldn't believe it the first 20 times you told us, but it's starting to sink in now."

Xander: "Nobody harms my Master."
Riley: "Your Master?"
Xander: "You want him? You come through me."
(Riley punches Xander -- Xander drops)
Riley: "Okey-dokey."

Riley: "It could have been worse. At least you weren't making time with the Dracu-babes like Giles here."
Giles: "I was not making time, I was just about to kill those loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me."
Riley: "Really? You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death?"

Riley: "I thought we had plans today?"
Buffy: "Plans? We planned plans?"
Riley: "Well, you said, 'Come over tomorrow and we'll hang,' and then I said, 'Okay.' Not the invasion of Normandy, but still a plan."

Buffy: "Are you mad at me?"
Riley: "No, no, not at all. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way."

Buffy: "Hey! I'm enjoying the studying."
Riley: "Who are you, lately?"

Riley: "He mentioned Buffy? Where do we find him and how hard can I kill him?"

Riley: "Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her, it's like... it's like I'm split in two. Half of me is just on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her. The other half is so still and peaceful, just perfectly content... just knows: this is the one. But she doesn't love me."

Buffy: "Mmm. that was relaxing."
Riley: "You, uh, want to relax some more?"

Buffy: "Hey, I have the endurance of ten men."
Riley: "Let's make it women, okay? Just for the imagery."

Buffy: "You know, it takes a lot to wear me out."
Riley: "Oh, I love a challenge."

Riley: "Are you sure this isn't just your way of trying to make me feel less... what are the words... cute and weak and kittenish?"
Buffy: "Kitten-y."
Riley: "Right. Much manlier."

Buffy: "You are not going to die!"
Riley: "Bet you say that to all the boys."

Buffy: "You're a god. You're like the god of boyfriends."
Riley: "Nah, I just like it when you owe me favors."
Buffy: "Well, this earns you a big favor. There could be outfits."
Riley: "Oh, be still my heart."

Buffy: "She makes me crazy."
Riley: "That's kinda the word I was searching for."
Buffy: "What? She shouldn't be going over there."
Riley: "Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness. Gotta nip that in the bud."

Buffy: "I can't believe I passed out. Do you think I'm a total wuss now?"
Riley: "Oh, yeah. I like a girl who can play a few hard sets of tennis with a major stab wound."

Riley: "What are you doing in here?"
Spike: "What, me? I was, um... What are you doing here?"
Riley: "Looking for the girl who's gonna rip your arms off when she finds out you were in her bedroom."

Spike: "Look, I know for a bleedin' fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here."
Riley: "Right. What's a little sweater-sniffing between sworn enemies?"

Riley: "Believe me, something jumps out at me in the dark, you'll hear me even without the phone."

Spike: "Let's be reasonable about this."
Riley: "You may have noticed, Spike... I left reasonable about three exits back."

Spike: "Don't kill the messenger."
Riley: (ramming stake into Spike's chest) "Why the hell not?"

Spike: "Ow! Bloody hell! Oh, god! Hey."
Riley: (pulls out stake) "Plastic wood-grain. Looks real doesn't it?"

Riley: "Maybe I didn't almost kill you enough."