Things You Will Never Hear a Man Say

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherf***r.

2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.

3. I think hairy butts are really sexy.

4. Her tits are just too big.

5. Sometimes I just want to be held.

6. That chick on "Murder She Wrote" gives me a woody.

7. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.

8. Screw "Monday Night Football," let's watch Melrose Place.

9. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.

10. It's late, put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.

11. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?

12. What happened to my old Nancy Drew books?

13. Do these jeans come in lavender?

14. Damn, too bad this car isn't a four cylinder.

15. It's okay, I'll sleep in the wet spot.

16. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.

17. Your mother's coming to stay with us again? Great!

18. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed. Maybe I should tell her.

19. No way, you weeded the garden last week, it's my turn.

20. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines, I don't look at them
anymore.

21. This movie has too much nudity.

22. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.

23. Oversized T-shirts are so sexy, especially on really fat chicks.

24. Put some panties on, for Christ's sake!

25. I understand.