A blonde terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I
want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20
pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop
dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
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Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
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What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in Spring training.
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What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong.
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Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their picture.
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Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
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How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain
announced "One of the
engines has failed and the flight will be an hour
longer. But don't worry we have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be
two hours longer. But don't
worry we have two engines left."
An hour later the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three
hours longer. But don't worry
we have one engine left."
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be
up here all day."
Mating call of a blonde: " Oh, I'm SOOOOOO drunk!"
Mating call of a brunette: " Is that damn blonde gone yet?"
Mating call of a red-head: " NEXT!"
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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, she just holds up the lightulb and the world revolves around her.
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How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? She opens the car door.
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What's the first thing a blonde says after multiple orgasms? Are you guys all on the same team?