• You answer the door before people knock.
• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
• You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You have to watch videos in fast - forward.
• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.
• You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
• You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You chew on other people's fingernails.
• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
• You can type sixty words a minute...with your feet.
• You can jump start your car without cables.
• Cocaine is a downer.
• All your kids are named "Joe".
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low".
• You don't sweat, you percolate.
• You buy half and half by the barrel.
• You've worn out the handle of your favorite mug.
• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop.”
• You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of your life in a coffee can.
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
• You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
• You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
• You get drunk just so you can sober up.
• You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
• Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You short out motion detectors.
• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
• You think being called a " drip " is a compliment.
• You don't tan, you roast.
• You can't even remember your second cup.
• You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
• Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London