Life, Happiness, & Peeves...

WHY WE'RE ALL SO TIRED...***

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron deficient blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 ill and in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting there screwing around on email.

Things That BUG Me

1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.
2. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
3. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". What good is a stupid cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No idiot, I paid $8.50 to come to the theater and stare at that thing over there. What did you come here for?
7. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
8. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

THINGS TO IRRITATE A SANE PERSON

You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.....
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.....
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.....
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.....
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.....
It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till youwalk across your living room rug.....
The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.....
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.....
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.....
Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.....
You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.....
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.....
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.....
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio, but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.....
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray....
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.....
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.....
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.....
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.....
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that.....
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.....
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.....
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.....
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.....
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're>just browsing.....
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago-a second ago-and now you can't find it.....
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.....

Think About It...

Life is sexually transmitted.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.