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Element #1 : Women
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less, usually more)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic foods. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Ages rapidly.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
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Element #2 : Man
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: 180+/-100
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young fresh samples.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for prolonged period of time. Pretty basic. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and
psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled
in a relationship.
male: Food, sex and beer.
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
female: A woman who makes love to other women.
male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can
watch and get really turned on.
GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising
to the upper levels in business.
male: What would really be great at work since that hot
babe took over the office one flight up.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing ball without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's
partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for
a weekend with the guys.
BUTT (but) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing
manufactured makes "look bigger."
male: The organ of mooning (and farting).
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with
one's girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.
FLATUENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
male: An endless source of enterainment, self-expression
and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2
minutes.
TASTE (tayst) v.
female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're
cooking, to make sure it's good.
male: Something you must do to anything you think has
gone bad, prior to tossing it out.
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PAJAMAS - Your a no-nonsense guy, direct and straight forward. Once you've committed yourself, your relationships tend to last. You are steady, hardworking and you enjoy rugged outdoor activity.
BOXER SHORTS OR UNDERWEAR - You're good at details and like order in your life. You are warm, friendly and caring. You remember birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates.
LONG JOHNS - You're practical, secure about yourself, and you don't follow trends. You work on a task until it's completed. You don't like variety - once you find a style you like, you stick with it.
T-SHIRTS - You're a down-home kind of man, not easily impressed by superficial people or material possessions. You're mellow, slow to anger and enthusiastic at work.
NUDE - You are creative, high-spirited, quick tempered, and you have great confidence in your ability to achieve your goals. At work, you're known as an "idea man" who can quickly grasp the complexities of a problem - and readily find a solution.
WOMEN
BABY DOLLS OR NIGHTGOWNS - Sensual, sensitive and romantic, you're always looking for excitement. You are also neat, orderly and meticulous about your appearance.
FLANNEL OR OTHER HEAVY PAJAMAS - You're a warm caring person with a smile for everyone and a hug for those who need it. You enjoy outdoor activities like camping and hiking, and you're very practical.
TEDDY CHEMISE OR CAMISOLE - You are very feminine, and like to be coddled, petted and pampered. You love candlelight dinners.
CHILDLIKE PAJAMAS - You like the warmth and coziness of a strong, safe relationship. You're reliable and steady at work and play.
T-SHIRT OR TEAM JERSEY - Generous and warm, you make friends easily. You are playful in your relationships. People confide in you, knowing your trustworthy.
SLEEP IN THE NUDE - You're sensual, spontaneous, independent, and you respond to challenges. You are very trusting and like openness.
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The difference between men and women:
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the
woman leans out the window and yells: *PIG*!! The man immediately leans out his window
and replies with "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in
the middle of the road.
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Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that
computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for
drawing this conclusion follow.
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
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1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that
>computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
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1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.