Three businessmen were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how
stupid
their wives were: The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid.
Last week
she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was
on
sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in."
The
second
agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.
"Just last
week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she
doesn't even know how to drive!"
The third, a blonde male, nods sagely
and
agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the
stupid
forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife
is
dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My
wife
left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bags, and she
must
have put about 100 condoms in there. But she doesn't even have a
penis!"
-------------------------------------------
A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working n
the
garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband
said,
"Hey, honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's
as
big as the gas grill now."
The husband, feeling he needed to prove his
point,
got a yardstick, measured the grill, and then measured his wife's butt.
"Yep," he said, "just what I thought, just about the same size."
The
wife
got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She
went
inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.
That
evening
when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife, and said,
"How
about it, honey? How about a little action?"
The wife rolled over and
turned
her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. "What's the matter?" he
asked.
To which she replied, "You don't think I'm going to fire up this big gas
grill
for one little weenie, do you?"
---------------------------------------------
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the
speed
limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view
mirror.
He thinks, "I can outrun this guy!" so he floors it and the race is on.
The
cars are racing down the highway 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.
Finally, as
his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures, "What the heck..." and
gives up.
He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser
and
approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen Mister, I've had a
really
lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll
let you
go."
The man thought for a moment and said..."Three weeks ago, my wife
ran off
with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror,
I
thought you were trying to give her back to me!"