NEW VOY Filk/parody: The Deck of Cards (PG) 1/1 [P, J]
Title: The Deck of Cards
Author: Dave Rogers
Email Address: daverogers@geocities.com
Series: VOY filk / parody
Rating: PG
Codes: P, J
Part: 1/1
Date Posted: 5th April 2000
Summary: A familiar story, retold.
Disclaimer: When I see the box the cards come in, I think of
Paramount. And when I see the joker, I think of me.
Author's note: This story is based on the song (is song the word?)
"The Deck of Cards", by T. Texas Tyler. If you haven't heard it, you
probably don't want to.
Dedication: The only e-mail I ever had from Trillseekr concerned
"Voyager Nights", which she really liked. Since this is in a
similar vein, I dedicate it to her memory.
The Deck of Cards
One day in the Delta Quadrant, a bunch of senior staff had been on an
away mission. They arrived back aboard Voyager, and leola root being
off the menu, several of the team went to the mess hall. After Neelix
served the food they started on their reports. Those of the team who
had padds took them out, but Tom Paris had only a deck of cards, so he
spread them out. Commander Chakotay saw the cards and said, "Paris, put
away those cards." After the meal was over Tom Paris was taken prisoner
and brought before Captain Janeway.
The Captain said "Chakotay, why have you brought Mr. Paris here?"
"For gambling in the mess hall, Captain."
"And what have you to say for yourself, Tom?"
"Much, Ma'am", Tom Paris replied.
The Captain said "I hope so, for if not I shall bust you down to
Cadet."
Tom Paris said, "You see, Ma'am, I have been on the surface for six
days and I had neither personal log nor star chart. But I hope to
satisfy you, Ma'am, with the purity of my intentions.
"You see, Ma'am, when I look at the Ace it reminds me there is but one
Voyager.
"And when I see the Deuce it reminds me of Seven of Nine, for some
reason, I'll think of it later when B'Elanna's not around.
"And when I see the Trey, I think of the three shuttlecraft totalled
by the XO.
"And when I see the Four, I think of the four quadrants in our great
galaxy, The Alpha, Gamma, Delta and the one we don't talk about.
"And when I see the Five, it reminds me of the Equinox Five, who were
wise and did what Captain Janeway said; there were ten of them, five
were wise and were saved, five were foolish and disobeyed you, and we
know what happened to them,
"And when I see the Six, it reminds me which season we're in now,
"And when I see the Seven, it reminds me of Seven of Nine,
surprisingly enough,
"And when I see the eight I think of the eight major characters that
Paramount created for Voyager. There was you, Chakotay, Tuvok, Holodoc,
me, B'Elanna, Harry and Kes. I'm trying to forget Neelix.
"And when I see the Nine I think of Seven of Nine again, unless
B'Elanna suspects anything, then I think of her quarters on Deck Nine.
"When I see the Ten I think of the first series of Voyager, which had
ten less shows than all the other Star Trek series.
"And when I see the King, I think of Admiral Paris and get these chest
pains, but that's my problem really.
"And when I see the Queen, I think of the blessed Captain Janeway, who
is Captain of Voyager,
"And the Jack or Knave is probably Q again.
"And when I count the number of spots on a deck of cards I find three
hundred and forty seven, which is a blatant forty-seven reference.
"There are fifty two cards, the number of episodes in two years.
"There are thirteen tricks, the number of *good* episodes in two years.
"There are four suits, the number of famous Star Trek captains. That
Pike guy doesn't really count.
"There are twelve picture cards, the number of years since the beginning
of The Next Generation.
"So you see, Captain, my deck of cards has served me as a personal log,
crew manifest, star chart and TV guide."
And the Captain said, "Nice try, Cadet Paris", and set him to work
scrubbing the plasma manifolds.
Friends, I know this story is true, because an unidentified Paramount
source says it forms the basis of an episode in Season Six. (
geocities.com/southbeach/1380) (
geocities.com/southbeach)