Title: Mirror Images
Author: Dave Rogers
Series: VOY, missing scenes from "Demon"
Part: 1/1
Date: 23rd July 1999
Rating: PG-13
Codes: P/T
Summary: Coda to "Vis-a-Vis", set just before and during "Demon".
What really happened after B'Elanna found Steth in her quarters,
and how can Tom and B'Elanna cope with it?
Acknowledgements: Jim Wright's "Delta Blues" website for
background material.
Disclaimer: Paramount own the real characters, mine are just
mirror images.
Author's note: I haven't seen "Vis-a-Vis" or "Demon", so there
may be some non-canon bits here.
Mirror Images
TOM:
Something's wrong, and she won't tell me what it is.
Not that I should be surprised; I've been pretty bad at telling her
what's wrong with me lately. But I think this is different, and I think
it has to do with Steth. Beyond that, I'm not sure I want to think too
hard.
It started last night - well, about three this morning - in her
quarters. I love to hold her, after we've made love, and just feel her
close to me while we both drift off to sleep. We usually wake up and
turn over after a while, then go back to sleep; this morning, though,
we both felt like talking. I can't remember what we were talking about
- when we're really sleepy not much of it makes sense anyway - but then
she started having a go at me, playfully, about leaving my uniform
lying around. I hadn't exactly been in a hurry to take it off, but I'd
had other things on my mind than where my jacket landed. So I played
along, asked her what I *was* allowed to do in her quarters, and she
said...
--------
"Putting's OK, I guess."
"Putting?" Tom laughed. "Yeah, like you'd catch me bringing golf clubs
in here!"
B'Elanna pouted. "Not even when I'm in a really good mood?"
"Especially not when you're in a really good mood."
She laughed. "Come on, it wasn't so bad last time."
Tom frowned, trying to figure out exactly what she was talking about.
B'Elanna misread the expression, and her face softened in concern.
"Sorry, Tom, I didn't realise it would bring back bad memories. It must
have been just before Steth took over your body. I guess it was tough
on us all, but you got the worst of it."
He still looked worried. "The last time I remember seeing you before...
all that, was when I was being a jerk in the messhall." Seeing her
expression change, he quickly added, "I'm still sorry, B'Elanna. It
just all seemed like, I don't know - like life's too good, like
everybody's forgotten too much about me. Things are too good to
believe. I have a problem believing it'll stay this way."
There was a long silence, then B'Elanna suddenly said, "Don't move,"
kissed Tom gently, turned to sit on the side of the bed, and stood up.
Then she started to dress, speaking as she did.
"I know you've left it all behind, Tom, and you're afraid it'll all
catch up with you when we get home. I feel the same. You've changed,
though - like I said, you're a different person than you were three
years ago. I hardly ever call you a pig any more." She smiled, but
somehow the smile looked hollow.
"B'Elanna, where are you going?"
"I need some time alone," she replied with a distant air. "It's not
you, Tom, really - there's something I need to think about. I'm going
back to my quarters. See you for breakfast?"
"B'Elanna, these *are*..." The door slid shut behind her. "... your
quarters."
Tom dressed quickly. By the time B'Elanna realised where she was, he'd
better be gone. She clearly didn't need crowding right now, whatever it
was she was worried about. He tried to believe - tried hard, and very
nearly succeeded - that it wasn't about him.
---------
B'ELANNA:
I don't know whether to laugh, cry or kill someone. Not that that's
unusual for me.
It doesn't take a Vulcan to work it out, does it? Steth took over Tom's
body some time after we argued in the messhall, some time *before* I
found Tom - hell, this doesn't make sense - found Steth in my quarters,
looking like Tom. Putting. Some time before we - some time before Steth
and I -
I honestly though it was Tom, or I wouldn't have - we wouldn't have -
But we did.
I've got to get back to my... hey, there shouldn't be a turbolift here.
This isn't deck four, it's deck nine.
Great. I just left my quarters, and told Tom I was going to my
quarters. Do you suppose he noticed anything strange about that,
Torres?
I hope he's gone when I get back. I need to think, before I...
How am I going to tell Tom?
--------
She was walking towards her door when it opened, revealing a bright-
faced Tom Paris standing outside in the corridor.
"Leaving already, Lieutenant? I thought we had a breakfast date." He
struggled to keep his tone light, to keep his face relaxed and smiling.
B'Elanna had to feel safe if he was ever going to get her to open up.
She tried not to meet his gaze. "I thought I'd get started early today.
We're trying to find out why the deuterium level indicators haven't
been working since the Hirogen..."
She realised she was in the doorway, pushing against Tom's outstretched
arm, which blocked her way. She looked at him at last, her eyes blazing
with sudden anger; but all she saw in his was concern, compassion and
love.
"B'Elanna, you need to talk to someone. How about me?"
She turned, throwing a curt "Come in, then," over her shoulder. Walking
to the sofa, she sat down on the edge at one end, arms around her
stomach, head bowed. Tom could almost see a personal force field around
her. He sat on the far end, turned towards her, one arm on the back of
the sofa, open to her but respecting her space. And, after a few long
seconds, she began to speak.
"I've been trying to think this through all night. I've tried to put
the pieces together some other way, but there's only one way that
fits."
She looked round at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Tom, when Steth switched bodies with you, he came here. I found him
playing golf. I - we - fought, you said you were, I mean he said you
were - he was - sorry, and... we made up."
"You made up?"
"Tom, I thought he was you! We made up. The way we - the way we always
make up."
Tom stood up. Paced over to the wall. Leaned against it, arms at
forehead level, head against his forearms, looking at the floor. He
felt strangely disconnected, as if nothing around him was real except
the pulse pounding in his ears. Behind him, B'Elanna sat quietly,
passively, waiting for the world to end. Gradually, quiet words from
Tom started to intrude on her consciousness.
"I'll kill him. I'll track him down, find him, whoever he looks like,
and tear him limb from limb. I don't care how long it takes, even if we
get home I'll come back to the Delta Quadrant just to find him." The
words were calmly spoken, without a hint of emotion. He turned towards
her, his normally cheerful face set in a mask of anger. She'd never
seen this side of Tom before. It was almost like looking at herself, as
all the walls he'd built around his anger crumbled, and it was there on
the surface, just this once, plain to be seen. Was this how everyone
saw her, B'Elanna wondered? Despite herself, she shrank back from him,
remembering her second encounter with Steth, when he hadn't been so
pleasant.
B'Elanna's fear recalled Tom to himself. This was only going to make
things worse; he had to regain control somehow. He tried for a moment
to imagine how B'Elanna must feel, and put himself in her place; then
his face softened again, and he crouched before her, offering a hand.
It wasn't her fault, any of this; he had to believe that, and had to
tell her so.
"B'Elanna, this..." *wasn't your fault? No, not those words.* "You
couldn't have known. Steth fooled everyone." He wanted to say, you've
done nothing wrong, but didn't dare to suggest that she might be
thought to have done anything wrong. In the end, the awkward silence
dragged on until she took his hand, held it against her cheek for a
moment, then stood up and turned to the viewport.
"Just give me some time, Tom. Give yourself some time. We need to work
through this."
They stayed like that, he crouched by the sofa, cradling his head in
his hands, she standing at the viewport, looking at the stars, until
the computer warned them they were on shift in five minutes.
---------
TOM:
Time. We should have plenty of that. Sometimes I wonder whether we have
anything else left. It's been three days now, and I still feel wrong. I
can hardly bear to touch her. She must have noticed by now.
It's wrong, and it's irrational, I know, but I can't help wondering.
Could she have known, if she'd just wanted to, that he wasn't me? Was
there some suspicion, and if there was, why did she ignore it? Did she
want to try something new? Wasn't I good enough for her?
Great work, Paris. Blame the victim, why don't you?
Because she's the real victim here; she's already Steth's victim, and
if I can't get my head round all this she might end up being mine too.
I won't let that happen.
I need to talk to someone. A friend. Someone who isn't B'Elanna.
Thank God I've got Harry.
---------
"Got a minute, Harry?"
"Sure, I'm just going off shift." They walked down the corridor
together. "We might all have some time to spare if we can't replace the
deuterium the Hirogen took. The Captain's talking about going to grey
mode. We've got about two weeks of..."
His voice trailed off as he realised Tom was paying no attention.
"What's the matter?" Harry's voice softened with concern. As they
arrived at his quarters, he added, "Come on in. I'll replicate us some
drinks."
When the door closed, Tom spoke at last, and at length.
Harry was horrified. "Steth did what?"
"Stole my body. Pretended to be me. Slept with B'Elanna. Take your
pick."
"God..." Harry was feeling totally out of his depth. "How does B'Elanna
feel?"
Tom looked at him with haunted eyes. "I can't even ask her, Harry. I
can't even talk to her."
Harry struggled to find something else to say. "How about you?"
"I want to smash something. Preferably Steth's face. Whichever one he's
wearing these days." He clenched and relaxed his fists helplessly.
"Damn it, Harry, I don't even know what he *looks* like! How am I
supposed to hate that?"
Suddenly, Harry's mind started working again. "I have an idea. Look,
Tom, I've got some holodeck time booked, and I think I can just fit it
in before we go to grey. Come on, I've been working on something and I
think it might help."
Tom looked at him dully, without hope. Eventually, "Okay, Harry. I'll
try it. What have I got to lose?" For a moment, there was life in his
eyes as he said, "And... thanks."
They walked silently to Holodeck One.
"Computer, run program Kim alpha three, subroutine five."
Looking strangely incongruous before them against the background of the
blank hologrid was a large tent, garishly decorated with ornate
lettering on a yellow arch of plywood. Emblazoned across the arch in
vivid red, picked out in gold leaf, was the title: Hall of Mirrors.
"It's part of a program I'm working on, for an old-time fairground. I
thought maybe you could use it for something else. Computer, give me a
baseball bat, basic model. And, computer - save current program
status."
He handed the bat to Tom, gestured him to enter, and stepped back.
The inside of the tent was dimmer, but still well-lit. Tom raised a
curtain, walked through, and looked around him. Looking back at him
from every direction was a familiar face; Steth's face, or at least
the one of Steth's many faces that he knew the best.
He raised the bat, screamed, and started swinging.
As the crashes rang through the holodeck and the broken glass cascaded
around Tom's feet, Harry sat on the grass outside and waited quietly.
After a long few minutes, the noise ceased, and Tom emerged. He looked
exhausted, drained, but more relaxed, and the desperation seemed to
have gone from his eyes. He sat down quietly next to Harry, put an arm
round his shoulders, and said simply, "Thanks."
---------
B'ELANNA:
How am I supposed to deal with this? Every time I see Tom, I see *him*.
The one who did this to me. How am I supposed to tell them apart? I've
been raped, and I don't have anyone to blame it on but Tom. I don't
want to hate him, but I can't help it. It feels all wrong. It's been
two weeks since I realised, and I can still hardly bear to touch him.
He must have noticed by now.
I know he's hurting. The others don't see it, but I know him too well
now. The more stupid he gets, the more he clowns around and makes lame
jokes, the more he's trying to hide. The staff meeting today was
embarrassing, he was so over the top. And I hate the way Harry
encourages him! Can't he do something constructive and actually *help*
Tom? I wish I could help myself, but it's almost painful just to see
him now. And yet, when I can't *see* him, I know I still love him.
He's going down to this demon planet in a couple of hours, and I didn't
even see him off. I suppose it's dangerous, I suppose he needs a little
support, I suppose a lot of things, but I just can't face him. Not yet.
Kahless, I hope he doesn't go and get himself killed down there! I have
to talk to him, at least. I can do that. I can.
---------
As they entered the shuttle bay, Harry saw B'Elanna at once, and hung
back discreetly by the door. Tom walked over to her, and they stood,
face to face, three feet and half the universe apart.
"Hey, B'Elanna. Come to see me off?"
"Yeah. Don't get yourself killed, okay?" She spoke harshly, all
feelings hidden.
He smiled. "Have I ever?"
"Once or twice." For a moment she smiled. Then, reverting to a
businesslike tone, she added, "We fixed a backup system to your
environmental suits - a stasis unit and a cortical stimulator. If
anything goes wrong, it might help."
His brow lining with concern, Tom said, "You're really worried, aren't
you?" He started to step forward, then stopped awkwardly as she
recoiled from him.
"Yes, of course I'm worried." There was anger in her voice, but
subdued, muted. "There's too much we need to sort out. Just come back
in one piece, okay?"
Without waiting for an answer, she turned on her heel and was gone.
---------
TOM:
I'm going to die, after she told me not to. She'll kill me when she
finds out.
What a stupid way to go, too - killed by a leaky suit. That's how we
started, and that's how we'll end. Too many things left unsaid, too
many wounds left unhealed.
I wish I could tell her I'm sorry, that it wasn't her fault or mine,
that we'd have got through this in time. I couldn't help the way I felt
last week, and I guess she can't help the way she feels now.
I just wish we had a little more time.
---------
B'Elanna strode into sickbay with an air of purposeful rage, but the
sight of two Tom Parises, however much she'd expected it, was still a
shock. She went to the unconscious Tom on the biobed first, laid a
hand gently on his head, and stood quietly for a moment. He was alive,
at least, and her backup system seemed to be responsible.
Then, her anger suddenly remembered, she turned to the other one, the
duplicate they'd brought in from the surface, who now stood behind
the forcefield that contained the demon planet's deadly atmosphere.
"So who the hell are you?"
He looked himself up and down, shrugged, and with a half-smile replied,
"Tom Paris?"
"That's Tom Paris." She savagely jerked a thumb backwards over one
shoulder.
"I know, but so am I... I think. The stuff I'm made of, the silver
blood, replicated his DNA, so I'm him."
B'Elanna's voice dropped dangerously. "You replicated his DNA, huh?
And that makes you him? I don't think so."
"B'Elanna, it's me," the second Tom said helplessly. "And... I love
you."
That seemed to inflame her. "You love me? Tom's never said that. You
copied Tom's DNA. He copied Tom's DNA." She couldn't bring herself to
say Steth's name. "You look like Tom. He looked like Tom. You say you
love me. He..."
"B'Elanna," the second Tom sounded desperate now, "I'm not Steth, I'm
Tom! Your Tom, the real one!"
"Shut up! You're not him, you're not Tom! Not *my* Tom, just another
fake!"
He looked down at himself again. "*I* think I'm Tom."
"Shut up, I said!" She hurled a hypospray at him. Seeing it hit the
forcefield and fall to the ground only fuelled her anger even more.
"Pe'taQ!" A dermal regenerator followed. "Forgery!" A medical
tricorder. "Liar!" Something with a handle and a hemispherical head.
"Rapist!" A sample dish. "Fake!" - and then she couldn't find anything
else to throw. Words failed her, and she sank to her knees by Tom's,
her Tom's, biobed, laid her head on his gently rising and falling
chest, and silently cried away the pain and the anger.
Tom's voice came, halting, brokenly, from behind her. "B'Elanna, you
have to believe me, it wasn't me. You have to believe me."
She turned her red, swollen eyes to him and gestured at the motionless
form on the bed. "Would you rather I believed it was *him*?"
After that, silence. She looked at the sleeping Tom - her Tom - and,
for the first time in days, saw Tom and not Steth. Watching him
breathing, she gently took his hand, held it to her face, and shut her
eyes.
After a few minutes, she heard a mirthless laugh from behind her. She
looked round at Tom's mirror image. "What?", she asked, coldly.
"The Captain's going to ask everyone for DNA samples, so the silver
blood can make more of us."
"I know. So?"
"B'Elanna, I can tell you're going to refuse. I'll have to... I'll have
to live without you."
Wordlessly, she stood up and strode into the office, where the E.M.H.
sat quietly and discreetly. Tom's mirror image could not hear what
passed between them, but she was back in minutes.
"Listen, whoever - whatever you are." She spoke rapidly, in short,
clipped sentences. "She won't know about the Maquis. Break it to her
gently. Help her through it. She won't know about the Hirogen. She
doesn't need to. And she won't know about Steth. Don't you *ever* let
her find out."
"I don't understand." His face was frowning, but his eyes were bright
with hope.
"The Doc's beamed a sample of my DNA to the surface. She'll be waiting
for you."
"B'Elanna, I...", he stammered, jumping to his feet. "Why? I thought
you hated me?"
"I do." She turned away. "But not that much."
---------
B'ELANNA:
Okay, he wasn't Steth. I don't care. He looked like Tom, and he wasn't
Tom, and he pretended he was, and I faced him and told him what I felt.
I feel better for that. Tom would probably tell me it's the Klingon
thing to do anyway. And then I forgave him. Maybe I forgave Steth, I
don't know. What he did to me was lousy, I know, but it happens every
day - well, maybe not quite like that, but people get sweet-talked into
bed all sorts of ways. It's happened to me before. Maybe I still feel
like that's all Tom wants.
I guess I need to work on that. I know it's not true.
I hope that fake knows what I've given him. The Doc kept a sample of my
DNA from when he had to re-code the gene sequence, when those alien
weirdoes were experimenting on us. That's what he sent to the planet.
She won't remember about the Maquis, because Chakotay hasn't told her.
She won't remember Steth, or the Hirogen's sick fantasies, because it
never happened to her. She'll be as happy as I was then, and that's the
happiest I've ever been. And she'll be all over him - I hope he's up to
it.
Actually, I know he's up to it. I think I need reminding of that more
often.
It's a shame she'll never know what I've given her.
In some ways, they've got a better chance than we have now. Her Tom
knows a few more things about her, she's missed out on some stuff I'd
gladly have passed on - and who's going to be trying to kill them, for
this hell-hole of a planet?
As for our chances - me and Tom...
To hell with chances. We'll make our own luck.
---------
She was there when he woke, holding his hand, smiling and looking into
his deep blue eyes, a peaceful light shining in her own.
"B'Elanna... sorry I nearly died on you."
She kissed his forehead. "That's okay, Tom. Just don't do it again."
He smiled back, now. They both knew that was the first time she'd
kissed him since that breakfast they'd never had.
"B'Elanna, is everything okay?"
"No, not yet," she said gently, still smiling. "Don't worry. It will
be. Soon."
She laid her head on his chest again, but without tears this time.
They'd both have to be back on duty soon, but they'd take every moment
they could to be like this. And soon, she knew, it would all be right.
THE END
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