*LKWC alert*
From york@mbcrr.dfci.harvard.eduThu Jul 20 20:23:10 1995
Date: 21 JUL 1995 01:52:27 GMT
From: "Ian A. York"
Newsgroups: alt.pave.the.earth
Subject: PaveStores International: Important Memo
MEMO from PAVESTORES INTERNATIONAL(tm)
TO: All PI(tm) customers
FROM: Ian A. York, Assistant Manager in charge of Supplies
PAVERS:
As you know, PaveStores International(tm) has had a great deal of
difficulty in keeping up with the astonishing demand for our Large Knotty
Wooden Cudgels. Frankly, we were taken by surprise, although really we
should have known that Pavers everywhere would find these items to be
virtually indispensable. At any rate, many of you have been frustrated
by the continual absence of these items from our shelves, due to
back-ordering on the part of our supplier.
We have recently been looking for a new supplier of LKWCs and we think we
have been successful. Our new supplier promises much more frequent
and consistent delivery. In addition, we are very pleased to announce
that we can also now supply a range of LKWCs. Previously, we were only
able to provide a one-size-fits-all approach. We are well aware,
however, that many of you have specialized LKWC needs which cannot be
addressed by a unicudgel approach. It is for you that we now stock LKWCs
in the following sizes:
X-L, L, M, S, petite, child's, infants, in utero.
We are also considering offering a range of colours. We are interested in
your preferences. For now, most of our LKWCs are available only in the
traditional Basic Black. Is there a demand for coloured LKWCs?
Our line of chrome-plated LKWCs has been discontinued.
Finally, we are hoping to get some celebrity endorsements. Below we list
some of the 'signature' models for which we hope to obtain licenses.
Naturally, endorsements will be repaid with a lifetime supply of the
appropriate LKWC.
Celebrity Large Knotty Wooden Cudgels
-------------------------------------
1. "The PaveInquisitress." This is a slightly smaller model designed
specifically for one-handed wielding. This leaves one hand free for
the cat-o-nine-tails, whip, scourge, or other essential PaveInquisitress
tool, or simply to allow the sweeping hand gestures that make an
inquisition no much more effective and enjoyable.
2. "The PaveGuerilla." Hinged for effective folding, this model is
readily hidden during undercover missions. Guaranteed not to close
during chastisement sessions.
3. "The Plan Fundamentalist." As used by the leader of the Bjorkshire
Liberation Front. Also available padded for PaveCompanion(tm) Attitude
Adjustment.
4. "The CheeseBurger Defender." Spiked at one end for either cheese
manipulation or for correction of pizza preferers.
5. "The Max Natzet." For professional use only. Please state size (XL,
XXL, XXXL, MN) and number of blood grooves. Suitable for combatting
botany.
Thank you for your patience during our difficulties. We hope you will
find these products give satisfaction for years to come.
Please place your orders soon. Start the kiddies on one today!
Ian A. York
PaveStores International(tm) Assistant Manager in charge of Supplies
--
Ian York (york@mbcrr.harvard.edu)
Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, 44 Binney St., Boston MA 02115
Phone (617)-632-3921 Fax (617)-632-2627
Last checked October 9, 1995.
me