Ways to be Annoying

• Take the hotel towel
• Pay tolls with $100 bills
• Practice the art of limp handshakes
• Tell the ending of movies
• Give little kids clothes for their birthdays
• Leave the toilet seat up
• Take more than 12 items to the express checkout lane
• Turn on your bright for oncoming traffic
• Finish other people's crossword puzzles
• Use the last square of toilet paper
• Tailgate the elderly
• Drum your fingers during other people's presentations
• Blow out other people's birthday candles
• Don't leave a message at the beep
• Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot
• Block the entrances of elevators, buses, and subways
• Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
• When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
• Toss things out the window: tissues, cigarettes, cellophane food wrappings and those sorts of things
• Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
• Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures
• See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by the window
• Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner and hotel reservations
• Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
• Go up the down escalator
• Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
• Snap your gum
• Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave the cap off
• Open umbrellas in crowded hallways
• Announce when you're going to the bathroom
• Read over other people's shoulders on the bus
• When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you
• Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want
• Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower
• Chew other people's pencils
• Lie to your therapist and sit in her chair
• Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces
• Tell teenagers how things were in your day
• Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation
• Pee in the swimming pool
• Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic; then cut in
• Wear large hats during the movies
• Forget the pooper scooper
• Race the old woman for the last bus seat
• Cause gridlock
• Bring 15 things into the dressing room
• Draw mustaches on posters
• Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back
• Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and cherry Twinkies on Thanksgiving
• Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you
• Touch strangers
• Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus
• Bite your dentist's finger
• Fart in cramped places
• Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads
• Don't stand during hymns and anthems
• Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
• Rubberneck
• Leave pages in the copier
• Be "in conference" all the time
• Don't clean the dryer lint screen
• Buy it, wear it, return it
• Tell people they have bad breath
• Smell smoke often and announce it
• Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet
• Put everyone on speakerphone
• Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you
• Rain on someone's parade
• Make scary faces at babies
• Flirt with a friend's spouse
• Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
• Pretend you're listening
• Shake with your left hand
  

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