aeclectic - poetry by Sunchild

Dark Secrets of the Soul

The one minute I'm up there,
happy, unconcerned, free.
Free from the bonds that bind my soul,
from cut and dried convictions about my life,
from the sentences passed over me,
by those who think they know
what I should be, should do,should say.
And then my horizons are limitless
my strength that of Samson
my hopes unashamed.

But then, suddenly, unexpectedly, deliberately,
my mood changes, becomes ominous,
Dark, thunder, black,
and I become someone else.
Or maybe, only then the true me.
A being that never forgives, never forgets.
With no love, other than self love.
A dark, sick love.
A love of self protect, self need,
a love where everybody is there for me,
like puppets on a toy cupboard's shelf,
to play with, slowly,
as a cat with it's paw on a mouse
that tiredly wishes for rest,
that prays for deliverance, or the end,
even death.

Then I live inside of myself,
Against all, at the cost of all.

And then there comes the times
that there is remorse.
Where clear thought and sympathy
for others break through the mist.
Where I think:
Maybe this or that isn't normal,
that the civilised wouldn't do that
or think this.
Where even the perversion of the situation
doesn't escape me.

But then comes the revulsion !
Against the standards and the norms
of those that have never accepted or understood me !
That didn't stand and shout in anger,
when my child body was misused.
The civilised ones...that without shame
sink their talons into tender feelings,
that turn away their faces
like a Pharisee from the Samaritan,
that begs, for help, for love,
and a right to live.

It is then that my hate for them,
overshadow the hate for myself,
and I revel in this alien being,
That is me !

* * * * * *

In the beginning was time
we were time,
and I knew of your existence,
and you of mine,
and we waited.

Knew it would come,
that i would move closer,
closer to the central of our existence,
closer to the meeting point
where our paths would cross
where we would experience one another
body, being and soul.

And I would love you,
and you'd pick me up, hold me close,
let me see tomorrow,
the highs, the lows, the pain,
the terror, and the fear of knowing.

You know me...I, your light side,
your day, your sun.

I know you...my dark side, my night,
my fear, my victory, my freedom,
from this weak and earthbound body
that thinks it can hold me, bind me.
Me, ancient being, ancient spirit,
Royalty, since the birth of time.

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