(This is based on a true story of how a guy came to flat with cmc. To preserve anonymity real names have been omitted.)

I was in the Royal Arms hotel one night circa 1992 and this guy walks in and started telling me how he got evicted from where he'd been staying. He moved in with us later... here's how it happened...

"I'm outta work right now but I can still pay the rent," he said.
"Where've you been living?" I asked.

"Ah yeah."
"Anyway," he continued, "I moved down from the country and stayed with my sister and her lawyer husband, you know the place with the wide verandah around it? It's been about a month."
"Yep, I know the one," I smiled.
"Yeah well anyway, my sister and her lawyer husband were going to have a dinner party..."
"Yes..."
"Well there was no point in me being there!" he grinned. "So my sister said to me, "Look, I'll give you some money and you can take yourself off to a movie." Well that sounded fine to me... so anyway the night of the dinner party rolled around and my sister gives me the money. I didn't know what movie to go to so I just thought I'd take pot luck and see what was on down at the Avenue."
I looked out the window across the street at the old movie house. 'The Avenue Cinema'. Yep, knew it well. Stayed in business by showing art house and college circuit material after video had taken over the porn market in the mid eighties.
"Anyway..." he continued, "I got down there and there was all these birds dressed in black! I got a bit closer and saw that there was a lesbian film festival showing! Gawd, well that stopped me dead in my tracks!
So I looked around and saaw this place, The Royal Arms. And I thought to myself, I won't go into the cinema, I think I might get some beers instead! Well anyway... I didn't come inside 'cause I thought, well I don't know anyone, so I just went and bought 'em from the drivethru.

Anyway the next thing I knew I was standing out on the footpath ith these beers - I had a six pack and I had nowhere to go! So I thought, well there's no point in me hanging round here, I might as well go back to my sister's place.
So I went back up the street to where my sister's place was. I couldn't really go in because I hadn't been invited. In the meantime all the dinner party guests had started to arrive and they were just sitting down to dinner inside.
I went round the back and sat up on the verandah where I'd be out of peoples way and here I was looking in through the windows at this dinner party going on inside that I wasn't invited to! Anyway I was about to start one of these beers when one of the dinner party guests noticed me! She came out and sees this bloke just sitting there with these beers. Then she said to me, "Is there any chance I could get one of those?" I looked at her and said, "Yeah, sure! Help yourself."

Anyway the word got around inside that people were having beers out on the back deck... the next thing I knew all these people were getting up and leaving the dinner party to come out and have beers with me! The only trouble was I didn't get one. So then I went inside and saw my sister there, who was looking at me strangely, as was her lawyer husband. I asked 'em if they could spare any beer for the party we were suddenly having out the back...
Well that's when I got the news from my brother in law - he was pretty pissed off with me, so now I've gotta find another place to stay."

cmc, 1997