Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your LADYNESS Quotient

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are
the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they
present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable
of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping
out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence
all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
     a. Present it to the president of the United States.
     b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.
     c. Take it apart.
     D. KEEP IT QUIET; AFTER ALL, IF THERE WERE NO PROBLEMS WHO WOULD WE
TAKE CARE OF, (AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT IT).

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss
the most?
     a. Innocence.   b. Idealism.    c. Cherry bombs.  D. WOLF WHISTLES

3. When is it okay to kiss a male?
     a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard
for narrow-minded social conventions.
     b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
     c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only
really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you
have to have him killed.
     D. WHENEVER YOU CAN

4. What about hugging a male?
     a. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
     b. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in this case,
you should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging food trapped in this
male's trachea! I am not in any way aroused!")
     c. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home
run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that (1) He is legally
within the basepath, (2) Both of you are wearing protective cups, and (3)
You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause
fractures.
     D. WHENEVER YOU CAN

5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...
     a....remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
     b....reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
     c....tell the joke about the guy who has  ALlzheimer's disease   and
cancer.
     D. CHECK YOUR CLOTHES TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE KEEPING UP WITH THE LATEST
 FUNERAL FASHIONS

6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
     a. A cat.       b. A dog.       c. A dog that eats cats. D. A HUSBAND

 7. You have been seeing a MAN  for several years. HE's attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with HIM. One leisurely Sunday
afternoon the two of you are taking it easy--you're watching a football
game; HE's reading the papers--when HE suddenly, out of the clear blue sky,
tells you that HE thinks HE really loves you, but HE can no longer bear the
uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going.  HE says HE's
not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that
you have some kind of future together.  What do you say?
a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't
want to rush it.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly
say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you
don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and
seventeen.
D. IT'S ABOUT TIME...LET'S TALK MARRIAGE?

8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a MAN and you want to spend
the rest of your life with HIM-sharing the joys and the sorrows, the
triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that
the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell HIM?
a. You take HIM to a nice restaurant and tell HIM after dinner.
b. You take HIM for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say HIS name, and
when HE turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing HIS hair and the stars in
HIS eyes, you tell HIM.
c. Tell her what?
D. AT A PASSIONATE MOMENT... WHEN HE'LL AGREE TO ANYTHING?

9. One weekday morning your HUSBAND wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get
your three children ready for school. Your first question to HIM is:
     a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
     b. "They're in school already?"
     c. "There are three of them?"
     D.  SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
a. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so
large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your
legs.
b. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to
be handled with tweezers.
c. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the
garbage regularly in case somebody--and we are not naming names, but this
would be his wife--is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is
frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate
relationship with it than with her.
D. WHEN YOU CAN REPLACE IT WITH VICTORIA'S SECRET UNDERWEAR FOR MEN?

11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact
that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they
finally got to the Promised Land?
     a. He was being tested.
     b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when
          they finally got there.
     c. He refused to ask directions.
     D. WE HAD TO STOP AND GO TO THE BATHROOM A LOT.

12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
     a. Democracy.   b. Religion.    c. Remote control.  D. PANTY HOSE

How to Score: Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer "c."
A real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a real lady would
score at least 15, because she would get the special five-point bonus for
knowing the joke about the lady who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.