Election night...
Bill: ``Honey, we won!''
Hillary: ``Honestly?!''
Bill: ``Let's not bring that up...''
Reporter: ``Ms. Co-president, what are your views on capital punishment?''
Hillary: ``I like it when women are hung like men!''
Clinton is trying to tell us a no-frills medical care plan. Trouble is, medical care is a frill.
Two birds flying over the White House...
``Say, are you for Clinton?''
``Why not? He's for us!''
Bill: ``Have you heard my last speech?''
Hillary: ``No, I didn't know it was the last one!''
Chelsea asks Hillary: ``What did you have at the state dinner?''
H:``Some beef, some asparagus, and 7,374 green peas.''
C: ``Don't bullshit me, Mom, when did you count the peas?''
H: ``While your father was giving the speech.''
60;BR> Chelsea asks Bill: ``Daddy, what's a Lesbian?''
``Ask Hillary, he'll show you.''
1994... What's Clinton doing to make Americans happy?
If you've paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family --- YOU'RE HAPPY.
1996... Yeltsin asks Clinton: ``Bill, what's your hobby?''
C: ``I collect jokes about myself.''
Y: ``How many have you got already?''
C: ``Three concentration camps full!''
Well, great, bring the troops home and send over some politicians.
I understand Lee Iacocca has been consulted on the development of Bill Clinton's new Presidential limousine: the Dodge Drafter.
Separate vacation plans? Hillary goes to Europe, Bill goes back to Little Rock...
One advantage Clinton has over past presidents is that doesn't have to worry about how much time he should spend on his re-election campaign...
Is Whitewater used to wash the Yellow Streak off of Bill Clinton's draft dodging back?
Oxymoron of the century:
Liberal Mastermind...
Whitewater Development
List of CLINTON's "first 100 days" Accomplishments:Bill Clinton...a good reason not to root for anyone playing Arkansas.
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All "the government will save you" politicians can seriously bite me.
Jim McDougal
Would you buy a used governor from this man?
Bill Clinton is a president for our times, a truly composite president. He has the hormones of John F. Kennedy, the scruples of Richard Nixon and the memory of Ronald Reagan
I DONT TRUST PRESIDENT CLINTON OR HER HUSBAND......
CANT WAIT TO SEE PRESIDENT CLINTONS FACE ON A MILK CARTON.
"Looks like it's amateur night in the White House again."
"Impeach Clinton and her husband..."
The Clinton Administration: Stupid is as Stupid does.
Democrats seem to think they have a monopoly on protest.
OBHCJ (Obligatory Health Care Joke):
HMO commercial, and the doctor is saying "I practice with an HMO, and that helps me give better care to my patients."
If I had an unlimited supply of patients to practice on, I could probably get pretty good, too.
In political intercourse, only the taxpayers get screwed!
Regarding Clinton's bungled attempt to end the baseball strike:
This may be the first opening day in history when baseball throws out the President!
Don: Who did you vote for last election?
Harold: I voted for Eisenhower
Don: Eisenhower wasn't running last year
Harold: Neither was Hillary, but she's running the country
Bill Clinton Virus - System makes lots of noise, but nothing happens.
They say "Socks" (the White House cat) is a neutered male. (That makes TWO guys in the White House who don't have any balls!)
A new sex survey released showed that 80% of men remain faithful to their wives.
President Clinton was upset -- just ONCE he's like a poll to go his way.
Hamas has just today claimed credit for an incredible act of terrorism targetted against all U.S. Citizens.
They did not even try to kill Bill Clinton on his Mideast trip.
Bill Clinton's popularity has been declining. In fact Paula Jones now claims she never met the guy.
ObJoke: What do Hillary Clinton and Marie Antoinette have in common?
-Nothing...yet...
I hear that thousands of rafts overflowing with Democrats are washing up on the shores of Cuba.
"He (Bill Clinton) is the Willy Loman of Generation X, a traveling salesman who has the loyalty of a lizard with his tail broken off and the midnight tastes of a man who'd double date with the Rev. Jimmy Swaggart"
Clinton said he fired Elders because she lectured him on how to *handle* his sexuality ...
"I'm in complete control here," Bill Clinton said hilariously.
Book Deals The Democrats Are Working On
"The Eye Brows Have It" by Jim Wright. Discusses how people( Wright and Breshneff) with bushy eye brows almost ruled the world.
"Cows , Kids , Doctors and Real Estate , How to Grow Rich and Powerful in the Future " By Hillery Roddam. Forward by Vince Foster.
"Bill and Edwards Excellent After Hours Adventures" By Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy. From Senate Sleep overs to Water Sports , Bill and Ted show you a side of Washington 's night life you've never seen before.
"A Mouthful of Washington" by Barney Frank
"The Longest Day" by David Bonyard . Mr. Bonyard accounts his battle plans for destroying the Republican Contract on it's opening day.
"Gee Your Feet Stink" Henry B. Gonzalez talks about his pervious job as a shoe salesman.
"Dead On Arrival" by George Mitchel. Talks about Bush's budgets
And you didn't think Al Gore was funny.
We all know about Whitewater and the alleged shredding of documents. On Sunday (3/6) Al responded to an interviewer's question about evidence: "Bill and Hillary have provided the special prosecutor with every shred of evidence they have."
President Bevis, Vice President Butthead
I thought that happened in November of 1992.
Overheard at a recent press conference, Mr. Clinton gave spot analysis on the world's trouble areas: Beirut- "Not a bad ball player, but Hank Aaron hit more homers. Red China- "It looks great with a white table cloth."
The Clinton Health Plan is the:
Simplicity of the IRS.
Efficiency of the Post Office.
Bureaucracy of the Dept. of Agriculture
Results of rent control.
The definition of "Elixir":
1. A cure-all; a medicine
2. How Bill Clinton screens nurses for his health care reform.
How about:
Is the Pope catholic?
Does Windows have bugs?
Does Clinton lie?
There was a line in George's speech where he said I raised taxes 1 time and I lived to regret it. Bill Clinton did it 132 times and loved every minute. (I thought he was going to add: And it's the same way on adultery.)
Bill Clinton Pick-Up Lines:
* Have you ever made it with the leader of the free world?
* Have you ever made it with a "crooked" politician?
* No, that's not a boomerang in my pocket.
* Do you want to be an intern and "serve" under me?
* Hillary might be the First Lady, but you certainly wont be the last.
* Come with me to the Oval Office, I have a "position" in mind for you.
* I enjoy puttin' "Big Macs" in my mouth...what about you?
* Are you from Baghdad? Because you've got a great "I-RACK."
* Honey, you stimulate my economic package.
* MYYY...that's such a pretty black dress. That's wrinkle free material
Bill and Hilary were driving through Little Rock, and when they passd by a gas station a big man yelled 'Hi Hilary' and Hilary said 'Hi Bubba'. Bill asked 'who was that?' And Hilary told him it was a old high school boyfriend. Bill said, 'See if you married him you would be married to a gas station attendant, but you married me now you're the first lady.' And Hilary told him, 'If I married him he would be the president, and you would be the gas station attendant.'
"more clinton jokes"