Alphabets About Ex-boyfriends

• A is for the Automobile which he doesn't own.
• B is for BULLSHIT, which is what he was full of.
  B is also for Brain, which was located between his legs.
• C is for the Commitment that was never there.
• D is for the Dildo he didn't know I had.
  D is also for "Damn the bad luck" which is what I have in Dating men.
• E is for Everything he said we'd do, everything he said he was, and everything he's not.
  E is also for Ego. His was bigger than a hot air balloon.
• F is for Faithful, as long as there wasn't something or someone better to do.
• G is for GOD the one he thought he was and wanted to be worshipped as.
• H is for Laughter (HA! HA!) the last sound he heard from me as he was walking out the door.
• I is for Impotent which is what I told everyone he was.
  I is also for the Inbreeding that occured in his podunk family.
• J is for Jugular, the one I'd love to sever.
• K is for Key, the one that made the lovely designs on his truck.
  K is also for Kick in the balls which is what I'm gonna give him if I see him again.
• L is for Love in most cases, but exceptions have been made.
  L is for LOSER in this case, along with LUSH (he drank an awful lot).
• M is for MAN. Has anyone been able to find one? Have you ever met one? Do you know where any are?
• N is for the Narcotics. He drove me past alcohol.
• O is for the Orgasm he thought he made me have.
• P is for PAYBACKS. Remember they are HELL!
• Q is for Queer. I sometimes wonder if he is.
• R is for the hopeless Romantic he said he was. He was half right. He was hopeless, not to mention worthless.
  R is also for the Ring that he can't afford and will never buy.
• S is for the Sugar they found in his gas tank.
  S is also for Satisfied, which he rarely made me feel.
• T is for Typical. Typical little boy playing at being a man.
• U is for Umbilical cord which was never severed when his mother gave birth.
  U is also for the Ugly girl he is dating now.
• V is for the Voodoo doll I made of him. Pins are inserted of course.
• W is for Wife, the one he said he didn't have.
• X is what he is to me now !!!!
• Y is for why the hell did I ever get involved with him.
• Z is for the Zoloft that I had to start taking.
• . is for period, which is a good excuse that comes in handy once a month.

• A is for Asshole.
  Which is what attracted you to him in some odd, mystifying, "I know he'll change for me" kind of way. He didn't.
• B is for Beavis & Butthead.
  It's what you lost his attention to every night. That and Singled Out. He said he really liked to see people together and as happy as the two of you were. You knew it was just Jenny McCarthy's Boobies.
• C is for Cunt.
  His mother, in other words.
• D is for Dildo.
  Something that always performed on command and never came before you. Besides, since you've Ditched him, you and your toys have gotten to know each other pretty well, on a first name basis, as a matter of fact. Dan the Dildo.
  D is also for Dick.
  Something that you were not getting but pretty sure someone else was so you resorted to Dan.
• E is for Elephant.
  They never forget. Maybe next time you'll go out with an Elephant.
• F is for Faking it.
  Which you had to do on several occasions. Remember when you were a sophomore in high school and you were dating the college guy that really knew how to make you scream? Wonder if you can track him down via the Internet? 
• G is for Gut.
  Which he developed after drinking so much beer. 
• H is for Hell.
  Obviously it was Heaven to be with him, you wouldn't have left. Although Hell would insinuate that he could get you Hot, which he rarely attempted after three months of being together. 
• I is for Indigo Girls.
  His actions caused you to resort to listening to music...a lot of music. You chose the Indigo Girls and now you are a lesbian.
• J is for Juicy Fruit gum.
  Which is what your relationship was like. So wonderful in the beginning, fresh and new....he was so sweet. Then after a short while he turned into a small grey lump with absolutely no flavor.
• K is for Kelly.
  The girl that was supposed to be an Irish GUY that he was hanging out with at the bar after work. This was not the case when you found two pairs of Victoria's Secret thong - back lace panties with "Kelly's" name in one and "Shelly's" in the other. Assume they were twin brothers, right ?
• L is for Lust.
  You Lust for Antonio Banderas and then go visit your buddy Dan.
• M stands for Murder One.
  You could get a double life sentence for this - he really isn't worth it.
  M also stands for Marriage.
  The Mention of Marriage may have been what made him run like hell. Men, when found in their natural habitat, are afraid of the commitment beast.
• N stands for Nice guys get None.
  Guess what ? After this asshole, Nice guys get Nothing but Nookie.
• O is for Over it.
  This made you throw him out, general disgust. It could have been the belching, the laziness, or the farting noises in the armpits, but the nose-picking in bed was a little too much.
• P is for Pissed off.
  All of your girlfriends are pissed off at him, just because girls like to stick together.
• Q is for Quickly.
  Kelly and Shelly must have run quickly away when they heard your car pull up in the driveway and he mentioned that you did carry a gun.
• R is for Right.
  Women are always Right.
  R is also for Rules.
  Men break them. So should we.
• S is for Sex.
  Remember that ?
• T is for Tongue.
  If he's smart, he won't try to slip anything in your mouth at this point if he intends on keeping it.
• U is for Underwear.
  Not only did he forget Kelly and Shelly's, but he would leave his skidmarked ones in the bathroom all the time.
• V is for Venezuela.
  That's where you shipped Kelly in Shelly. In five neatly compacted parcels.
• W is for Whine.
  He did an awful lot of that for Sex when he came home at three in the morning reeking of alcohol and "lost" his key. (You later found it at Kelly and Shelly's house)
• X is for Xavier Roberts.
  You know, the multi-millionaire that got rich by creating Cabbage Patch dolls ? Maybe you should track him down. Money makes PMS (putting up with Men's shit) a lot easier.
• Y is for Yak's breath.
  Which seemed like a much better option than the stench that would come from his mouth in the morning.
• Z is for Zoro.
  What the hell ? Tonto can join in on the fun if he wants.