A Man's Dictionary

• Imagination
  Something that sits up with the wife when her husband is out late.
• Incompatibility
  Two people who can't stomach each other.
• Jitterbug
  A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet.
• Love Pirate
  A mug who gets his face slapped when he starts looking for buried treasure.
• Maternity Dress
  A slip cover
• Metallurgist
  A man who can look at a platinum blonde and tell whether she is virgin metal or common ore.
• Minute Man
  A fellow who double parks in front of a house of ill-repute.
• Mistress
  Something between a mister and a mattress.
• Mixed Emotions
  Watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your brand new Mercedes/Cadillac/BMW...
• Optimist
  A man who thinks his wife quit smoking cigarettes when he finds cigar butts around the house.
• Pajamas
  Items of clothing that newly-weds place beside the bed in case of fire.
• Papoose
  Result of taking a chance on an Indian blanket.
• Perfect Wife
  One who is deaf and dumb, over-sexed, and owner of a liquor store.
• Pimp
  A nookie-bookie.
• Prostitute
  A busy body.
• Psyciatrist
  One who tries to find out whether an infant has more fun in infancy than an adult in adultery.
• Quickie
  No sooner spread than done.
• Stockbroker
  A man who can take a bankroll and run it into a shoestring.
• Supporter
  A ball-bearing babushka.
• Taxidermist
  A man who mounts animals
• Virgin
  A girl who makes an issue out of a tissue