Profiles In Depth
There are those who have found their Mr./Ms. "Rights" and have a great deal of personal experience, insight and feelings to share. The following are their in depth answers to the open-ended Form questions.
What motivated you to find someone online?
Mr. "Right" Ms. "Right" Living in a small city provides limited opportunities to meet someone near my age with my interests, since I'm not a church-goer or a club person. Not only this, but I'm highly cerebral and a person with an insatiable curiousity about many things, which turns off many. Going online offered the safety of home without having to so much as put on makeup. Also, since I am a writer, the computer offered a perfect way for me to communicate and to discover who was sitting at the other end of the electronic super highway. Even pathological liars tend to slip up eventually--if they write long enough. So, it provided a way to get to know men without risking my physical safety. I later discovered that I was too blasé, because my "innocence" was tarnished to a great extent, which made it difficult for me to trust someone "Right" in a way I could have easily done before that negative experience led to my developing some general cynicism when it came to men and their motivations as they pertained to intimate relationships. 0 1
What are/were your expectations in finding someone online?
Mr. "Right" Ms. "Right" That I would find someone who was interested in making a genuine human connection leading to an enduring passionate union--a "last" love. Also, I felt that he would "find" me and that somehow the right combination of the contents of my personal ad and serendipity would garner me the response from my One-and-Only. And it did! There's still a little girl in me who believes in fairy-tales. Can't you tell? 0 1 I was very open-minded about it. I knew that it was a chance you take, but even in a face to face relationship, you take a chance don't you? So I trusted in myself for good judgement of character and I have met 4 so far and all have been just as nice as they were from talking for months in chat and on the phone with them....I believe you can do anything in your life if you believe in yourself and put 100% into it...but yes it is a two way street, to make anything succeed. 0 1 They were cautious, but hopeful of just maybe being lucky enough to eventually find a kind, quality man who might be interested in spending a few nights a month (out) with me!!! Now we have confessed our deep respect, caring & mutual attraction & hope to keep this alive & fresh for as long as possible; we do know we will be facing many challenges ahead. 0 1
If your above answer was "Yes", what makes the relationship more romantic?
Mr. "Right" Ms. "Right I find that the sense of immediacy of writing and sending and receiving letters creates a fertile field for romance to take root and blossom--the frequency of contact is of paramount importance to me. When it comes to communication, no woman could be more higher maintenance. For me, there's no such thing as too much e-mail from those I love. Not only this, but being able to send e-greeting cards and to share what's going on with someone at the core level creates intimacy faster than it does via the traditional method--there's no sensory distraction--so there's a purity of interaction which isn't possible when meeting face-to-face. Knowing a person from the inside out before seeing or touching them is wonderful. I prefer it over the traditional method of dating. By the time I met my Mr."Right" I felt I'd known him for decades--such was the depth of our level of communication and commitment to honesty about ourselves--our hopes, fears, struggles, dreams, desires, expectations, etc. 0 1
How did your family and friends react to your pursuit of an online relationship?
Mr. "Right" Ms. "Right" Generally, positive. Only my friends tend to be Nervous Nellie's, because they know how impulsive I can be. Since I tend to be trusting (yeah, despite all the previous hurts and disappointments) and I'm Pocket Venus, they've feared I would trust a serial killer and he'd pick me up and toss me into his van and I'd be found somewhere brutalized and murdered or never found at all. They also forget that I have a higher than average intelligence quotient and take reasonable precautions. Inasmuch as it was possible, I found ways to independently verify that a man was who he said he was before meeting him. The easiest people to confirm were college professors. 0 1 They said it was just a fanstasy of two people and you couldn't trust someone from online to know if they were saying the truth, but I have proven them wrong from my experiences, that there are good people all over, and they might be just looking for the same in their life as I am. 0 1
What do you consider to be the main advantage in meeting someone online?
Mr. "Right" Ms. "Right" Not having to visit the local "meat" markets and put up with a lot of inane conversations and groping and I'll-call-you lies. Men who meet me in person tend not to want to know if I have a brain. They go into lust overdrive. When they discover I have a brain and use it most of the time, they run. 0 1
What do you consider to be the main disadvantage in meeting someone online?
Mr. "Right" Ms. "Right" Predators/pathological liars! Men who are married and pretend otherwise. The one guy I dated for a year had an elaborate set-up, which I learned about five months following our break-up. He told me he was separated from his wife of 20-odd years. BUT I later learned that he'd been sharing a bed with her the entire time he and I were dating. He'd bought a new computer with a separate telephone line. No one in his house (four teenagers and a wife!) were allowed to touch the phone or computer. He said it was for business use. I had no idea. When I called him at home, I got him or his computer. I called him at work. I wrote him letters to his house address! The man was with me during the week at times, on successive weekends--you name it! I don't understand how his wife put up with his absences. To make a long story short, I got weary of his controlling ways and his not feeling "good" enough for me (how right that proved to be) and ended things in September 1998. Apparently, his wife thought he'd been having an affair and it was over. Then, in December 1998, he wrote to me asking if we could be "friends" nothing more. I said, 'Yes, but only if your wife has access to our correspondence." I never heard from him again, but he left my e-mail address somewhere and she wrote me. This is how I learned about the elaborate set-up he'd created to cheat on her. The man involved me in a situation I found untenable. I was beyond being hurt and angry. I felt raped. I would never have been with him had I known what game he was playing. You live and you learn. 0 1
Further Comments?
Mr. "Right" Ms. "Right" Besides the obvious differences, meeting someone online isn't any different than the traditional method. You still must use common sense and learn to trust your instincts. Also, verify that the person really is who he/she says he/she is. To this extent, I highly recommend visiting the person in his/her own environment at the earliest opportunity. I got suckered into believing I was doing the guy a favor by allowing him to visit me in my environment and accepted his explanations for why it would be best not to visit him--his children wouldn't accept me; his relatives were too insular, etc., to deal with the kind of free-spirit I represented. BS, but I relented, because by then I was emotionally hooked and dislike long-distance driving. Also, if a person chronically insists he/she isn't good enough for you, believe them and run like hell. Lastly, if he doesn't appreciate Barry White's kind of magic, he's got to be a stinker. :-) 0 1
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