Although Texas was my home for 13 years, the following is no tall tale. It really did happen and I have the photographs to prove it. Something should have prepared me for this episode: surgery dated on the 13th of any month should be avoided from now on, if possible.
I, the patient, arrived early for my official appointment this morning. Hopefully, the 5 inch piece of stainless steel that has been imbedded in my foot for the past two weeks, was to be removed. So I arrived early, and was promptly ushered into Room 2. I am ALWAYS ushered into Room 2, which makes me wonder will I ever graduate to Room 4?
Enough digressing.
The nurse, Debbie, looks at my foot, then makes sure that the Doctor does want that pin removed. She looks so cute up against that pin, that I ask her to smile, taking two cute photographs of her. Also, that pin up showed up so well against her blue nurses' coat.
A few moments later, she comes in with a teeny screw-driver, and leans me back, assuring me that this won't hurt; the stitch removal will hurt more. I peacefully recline, and feel a few pulls on my foot, asking, "Is it over yet?" "Is it over yet?" and raising my head, only to see, that no progress has been made!
This isn't gonna be very much fun, I think, as she continues to pull. A few minutes later, the Doctor walks by and she says to him, " I can't get it out!"
This is not good news, for me, the patient. I can feel the grey hairs trying to grow.
The Doctor comes in, tries to unscrew the pin, too, and says to Nurse Debbie, "GET THE MAKITA".
What??? Get the Makita? I am thinking - MAKITA? As in Drill? As in BABE calendars? YOU are planning to take the MAKITA to MY foot? OhmyGod, Exit stage right, is all I can think, and before I could even come to my senses from that, in walks Nurse Debbie with that all-familiar blue MAKITA DRILL.
OhNO! This was almost too much, and yet, I thought, DRS will never believe this, so I asked them to pose for a picture! Yep, I told them that no one that I knew ever said that they had a Makita drill applied to their foot, did they realize how much fodder they give me with which to write to the list?
They could only smile, and then began the argument of WHO was going to get to use the MAKITA on MY foot! OhmyGod, they are arguing about this????
By this time, I was like a seven-year-old who had just seen a very scary picture on TV, my hands, both of them, were over my eyes and all I could do was lay back. And wait. And wait to feel whatever sensation was going to take place.
The whirl began; that terrible DRILL sound began; I felt someone (still
don't know who) grab my foot; I felt a funny sensation at the pin place,
and
and
ohmyGod, whyisittakingsolong?????
and
voila!
It was over. The MAKITA DRILL MASSACRE didn't happen. The 5 inch pin was gone. When asked if I wanted it for a souvenir, all I could do was roll my eyes.
So, said patient here is fine, pin out, stitches out, with a go-ahead from the Doctor to go pedal to my heart's delight at Bally's health club. And God willing, i'll be running soon. And I hope that I never will again see a MAKITA drill in my life.
Barrie
