Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I don't mind that you are talking, so long as you don't mind that i'm not listening.

When you're arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.

Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.

According to my calculations, that problem doesn't exist.

We're all hypocrites, but by admitting it, you transcend it and it no longer becomes a personality defect as it is in the people who blindly cling to their own self-righteousness.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Rehab is for quitters.

Seems like salvation comes only in our dreams.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

It is better to have people think you a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

The minute that it's born, it begins to die.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Procrastination is the fault most people put off correcting.

I put the FU in funny.

It's not your fault that you're always wrong, the weak ones are there to justify the strong.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain the only thing that's real... Try to kill it all away but I remember everything. What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end.... Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair. Beneath the stains of time the feelings disappear.

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.

I've written a lot of things but they're not up to my standards. And that disturbs me because I don't have standards.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

When you want it, it goes away to fast. When you hate it, it always seems to last.

You madam are ugly, but I shall be sober tomorrow.

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind I will never die.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Every time I reach for love it's taken away.

Never let your schooling interfere with your education.

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.

Everyone I know has gone away, died or left or just forgot to stay. Sometimes took for granted, sometimes turned away, sometimes didn't say what I meant to say.

Life is complex, it has its real and imaginary parts.

Sleep is the enemy

I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.

Virginity can be cured.

How mutable are our feelings, and how strange is that clinging love we have of life even in the excess of misery.

This isn't meant to last, this is for right now.