Dear Tabasco


Helpful Help to Those Who Ask

Name: Linare
Question: What weighs more: a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?

Answer: Um, oh, well, let's see, oh I think, no, okay okay okay, wait, a pound is a pound so its the same difference! But of course, I'd rather be hit by a pound of feathers beause they are so soft and fluffy...ohh...ahhh....okay well there's your help.


Name:Staci
Question: Why are there international Highways on Hawaii??

Answer:Well, see, Hawaii has these really long freeways that cover the whole Indian Ocean going all the way to Arizona, so then they are International! Okay, really, Hawaii is part of the nation of the United States of America. So when they have freeways, they are in the nation. Glad to be helpful. (That was a tough one!)


Name: Chris
Question: Why do they put Braille on the drive-ups at ATM's?

Answer: Well, you see, I guess there are some laws that make it so the bank has to, but let's get technical here. A blind person could be in the car with some friend, just crusing along, then just bursts out in "I need some cash man!" So they drive up to the ATM and the guy that's driving reads off what is one the screen. Little does the blind dude know that he just didn't take out $60.00, he took out $400 and his buddy pocketed the rest. Okay but another good question is where is the blind guy getting money from? How many jobs out there that can handle a blind guy? There are just some unanswered questions in life, sorry if I couldn't help you.


Name: Danielle
Question: How come hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8?

Answer: Because they try to rip you off by buying more hot dog buns! See, the hot dog and hot dog bun makers have this top secret conspiracy going on and the American public doesn't even know about it! I tell you its true!


Name: Kristin
Question: Why does the world have to have directions?

Answer: Because silly, some people don't know how to get to places and they need to get there, so directions come in handy. Of course, there is always the problem of when you don't know street names or areas, like me, then you use landmarks...I saw it on 20/20, they said the difference between men and women with directions (besides the "let's pull over; let's not") is that women remember things based on how they look or things around it and men remember streets, etc. So there is your very technical answer.


Name:Valley Gyrl
Question: So, like, I was shopping at the mall the other day and who do you think I see? Like, totally, it was Scott, the babe I made out with behind the supermarket. So anyway, like, when I passed by him, he like, totally blew me off. So like, ok, my question is this. When Presidents, like, sleep around and show what horrible people they really are and like, I ran a mile in 2 minutes, like, how many rounds of Weight Watchers does it take to get Jack the Goat, to like, lose some weight?

Answer: Jack the Goat is incapable of losing weight.


Name: Lost
Question: How can i tell if a guy likes me?

Answer: You can tell if a guy likes you by how he looks at you or acts around you. It's a very fickle thing. Don't you love that word "fickle?" Anyways, since I've had much experience with this, there is no need to worry if a guy likes you or not until he asks you out or you ask him out. Little middle school love affairs are not as important in the long run as they seem at the time. And there is my words of wisdom from being 15 and not 11.


Name: Sir Brian of Cove
Question: whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Answer: Roast beef is meat and pea soup is made of peas, which are vegtables. Okay?


Name: The Love Machine
Question: I slept in a really weird position last night on top of my arm. Now it really hurts. What is wrong with it and what should I do?

Answer: It is probably just really alseep and not getting much blood circulation. Try exercise. But remember, I Tabasco am not a certified phyiscian so take caution. I think the pain will fade away. Try watching a move or do something entertaining to get yor mind off of it in the meanwhile.


Name: Genyfur
Question: What should be the punishment for people who haven't updated their web sites since Thanksgiving?

Answer: I dunno, update your site you moron instead of spending time asking Tabasco what will happen if you don't! So the punishment is being called a moron. Sorry Denise, uh, Genyfur.


Name: Sunflowwyr
Question:Why onion rings? Why not...lettuce rings?

Answer: Okay, in the words of an old friend of mine, "ONIONS ARE THE FOOD OF THE GODS!" Onion is the worlds most wonderful food. Lettuce is nice too, but onions are just the all around best. Yum, I'm drooling here. Now really, what would lettuce rings taste like? I don't want to even imagine! And since onions are the best, they get to be in onion rings. I'm sorry if I offended any lettuce lovrs out there, if you want to cook some for me I'll try them, but for now lettuce rings are a bad idea.


Name: Katie
Question:Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Answer: Before smart people like us were born, there was our grandparents and our parents. From close examination, I can tell you that these people are not smart. Nope nope. And so, when it came time to name the things of the world, they got these mixed up and now things are as they are.


Name: Skippy
Question: Why don't boys have babies?

Answer: Boys were too wimpy and scared to go through labor and child birth, so we got stuck with the job. My friend had a book, it was called "All Men Are Jerks." See, if it wasn't for them we wouldn't rule the earth, Skippy.


Name: Concerned...
Question: How many times has Jenilee kicked Satan out of her house, and why?

Answer: When Satan comes over to Jeni's house, she has a little problem with him and his huge appitite. He eats all the food! Leaving nothing for her and her 6 brothers and sisters. She's trying to protect her family. She has kicked him out a total of 3 times, some how he keeps getting back in!


Name: Laurel P,
Question:Why does my dog smell like that? My hair dosen't smell that way.

Answer: Well, dogs are dirty icky creatures, so they don't bathe. If they did, they wouldn't smell. If you never washed your hair, it would smell like that too.


Name: Sickle,
Question: Hey, uh, i was like, uh wondering, uh...why do we fly in airplanes? Why don't we just get rides from birds?

Answer: Birds are too small and the big ones don't fly. Planes are safter too, everyone would fall off a bird! Do you know how many law suits that would cause!


Name:shep
Question: hi tabasco! I've got this one sheep that doesn't like riding around in my bread truck, what can i do to get him to enjoy the ride?

Answer: You could always just tell him that she has to enjoy the ride or else he'll be turned into a goat. Give him some chicken to eat too. That always makes my sheep that ride in bread trucks happy.


Name: Monica
Question: How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

Answer: Oh, um, well there are many types of peppers in the world. Green peppers, hot pepper, table pepper. But whose ever heard of a pickled pepper? Not I! This is a fairy tale food, so the answer is none. You can't pick something that doesn't exist.


Name:Rita Luisa Putooti
Question: I once saw this movie where this boy's horse died in this swamp and it really made me sad? How can I ensure that my horse doesn't die in a swamp or any other like manner?

Answer: Let me tell you something Rita. I have been asking my mother for a pony for a very long time. I have no pony. NONE. Not even an imaginary one. Do you know how much that sucks? So, you know what, if I had a horse, I could tell you what to do about your horse. Was the movie the Neverending Story? Wow, that was such an emotional movie. What you can do is keep your imagination! Then the nothingness cannot eat your horse. By the way, if you don't want your horse, I'd be glad to adopt it!


Name: elmo's half brother, bob
Question: why does elmo talk in the third person and 20 times louder than a jet engine?

Answer: Because Elmo is a children's character, and heaven forbid that we would teach children proper English and how to use inside voices. Plus, Elmo is a red, furry monster. Not a person. He doesn't have manners like some civilizied humans do.


Name:kabocha squash
Question:how does jack from "jack in the box" eat?

Answer: He eats very well. Could you imagine eating Jack in the Box food every day! Yum! I love the Bacon and Cheddar Cheese wedges and tacos, with no cheese, ironically. How does he get the food into his stomach if he has a plastic head? He takes the plastic head off and eats like a normal person. Go Jack! Jack is my hero...but not Jack the Goat.


Name: Ryan (a coke lover)
Question: If normal pepsi tastes like pepsi one, and pepsi one has only one calorie, then... why don't they get rid of pepsi one and and call it normal pepsi, or even smarter call it diet pepsi???

Answer: If you're a coke lover, why are you so concerned with Pepsi? Hmmmmm? Are you crossing over to the evil side? I think that they do that to sell more cans of soda. Some people want extra calories! I don't know who...but someone must!


Ask Tabasco a question about anything, as long as it's not dirty and acceptable for all to see.

Name:

Your Unique Question:



"We all have problems. Let's help each other."


Home


Geocities

Hey Denise! Just think of it as help to manage the raging crowds for advice! Heh heh...

Tabasco is not held responsible for the outcome of his advice. Be carful folks. Don't go jumping through invisible walls CAUSE THEY ARE REALLY THERE! Tabasco is going to start taking Latin dancing lessons so he can be the CHAMPION OF THE WORLD. What a sexy dancer he is...