my life, my dreams.. it's all about you.. you won't go away.. all that is left are these words...
Archaeology of St Lucia Madmen once were here
To conquer this land
Full of mountains
Fearless creatures prancing upon the unknown soil
The things they found we do wish to know
Remains of yesterday is all that shows
Closer This heart of mine is in shambles
Piece by piece it crumbles
Longing to be
Closer to thee.
Yet the closer I get
I can see the hurt that may come
Along with being with you.
How I shall sacrifice my heart
To enjoy your pleasurable company
And to know that the only
Thing to come out of this
Is my broken heart.
Crashing This is my final farewell
I Need to leave ...
No Need to return ...
Tell me how
I want to burn
I want to die
Give me a reason
for this life
So many heartaches
So many headaches
so now I'm here
with all that's gone
and so much unknown
No words
Just sitting and staring at the screen
Hoping for the hour to pass
Another hour after hour
Watching the clock go ever so slowly
But when I get home I want the clock to stop
Because I know the time will come too soon
For when I have to sit and stare
Waiting patiently for that time to come again
Only to be free from the silent prison
Dead Flowers did you forget the keys?
The texture of your skin
beautiful colors
within these walls
my bloom
when exposed is magical
forgotten revengeful
sexy remembered
the beautiful smile
always remembered
the wrath and the envy
individualized emptiness
do you recall the butterflies?
Twice loved
my misfortune
was never to forget
alone with oblivion
Desires What is it that you desire?
What is it that you want?
Tell me your darkest secret
And I'll light that fire
I'll be all that you desire
Show me what it is that you want
Show me ...
Your desire.
Devil dancer Do you desire...
To be burned by the fire?
To have your heart ripped out in pieces?
To have it shoved in your face?
To see your love put down the drain?
To not see what it is that you want?
For all the longing
For all the heartache
Would you dare to risk it all again?
Could you do it all over again?
To play with the fire
To be burned by your desire...
You know how it was
You know how it felt
You also know
Everything that came along with it
So would you? Could you?
Risk it all again?
For a dance with the devil?
Drown Dark in the
Room all alone
Out here I don't know
Where I am, and
Nothing to see
Drowning into your possession I thought you were kind,
But I was blind
To see that you only want me,
My body,
As many of them hang from your walls.
Your precious decorations.
A prize that you can put on display.
I told you I do no want to be one of them.
I don't want to be painted and put on display.
The way you touch my body
Opens a world I can sink myself into.
I've drowned myself into your possession.
It's a lovely thing but oh the horror.
I feel I won't be able to escape.
Feeling Again feeling those feelings again..
taking the knife into my heart again
where does it come from
where does it go
what will we do when it's time
to know that you are not mine
to know that i can't save you from your pain
to know that you are the creator of mine..
the want, the desire... the burning fire
My life, my dreams...
it's all about you...
you won't go away...
all that is left are these words...
Friend or Foe A friend is sometimes all we need to be
A friend is what you shall be
No more and no less
And we shall see
That if not this
Then a beloved enemy.
Hush My heart aches
and you are too far away
to know these pains
I hush and await the day
In Silence
things need to be done
things need to change
but the problem is knowing where to begin
and how to act during the drive down
and once I'm there, will I be happy?
Or will there be another road I'll need to take?
Is life a long road to get to an end?
Or is it an ever changing existence?
Imagine I wish I could say the words
The way I feel inside
When I see you,
When I hear you speak.
You seem so much like a dream
And so perfect in every way.
I swear no one else could take ur place
If anything ever happened to you...
My soul would die-
I know someday we will kiss
We'll love each other all night long.
Until that day,
We speak of love thats in our hearts
How our lips would meet
How our hearts would beat.
Now I close my eyes
And Imagine.
I wonder if it will be the same.
With this love, who could tell.
It's all good
Don't know what it all means
but I'm sure that everything will be OK.
It wasn't so bad I know that.
They say, "The darkest light is before the dawn,"...
"And the cold comes through like rain,"...
"And I could see forever."
Sometimes I used to act like God.
What would life be like if I were dead?
What would life be like?
Would it be any better than this?
Now I realize that life is worth living,
Now that I've found you.
It's a mystery And when you leave
How will you feel
All alone
With no one you know
Will you make friends
Or remain a mess
On an island in the sun
I'm hoping for lost souls
Not so much fun I suppose
Lemonade And as I was sipping my glass of lemonade
I dreamed of yesterday
And as I was thinking of you
I knew that it was thru.
How could I have been so...
How could I have known
That you were the one
To break all my precious bones.
Now all I want is to sit back
And drink my glass of
Lemonade.
And as I was sipping my glass of lemonade
I dreamed of yesterday
And as I was thinking of you
I knew that it was thru.
Although we had our good times
And even our bad ones
I just can't see what else to do
You grabbed my heart
Took it by surprise
And now your the one
Causing my demise
Now all I want is to sit back
And drink my glass of
Lemonade.
As I was sipping my glass of lemonade
I dreamed of yesterday
And as I was thinking of you
I knew that it was thru.
As I was sipping my glass of lemonade
I knew that I had loved you
And as I was thinking of you
I remembered the things we used to do.
Let Me Live Let me live my own fucking life
Leave me alone
Let me live
Let me live
Don't fucking try to tell me how to feel
Why do you feel when I have stopped?
Why do you choose now to let me know
When I have wanted that for the past 5 months
I have wanted something
Now I don't expect it... don't want it, nor need it
You give
You give me what I wanted for so long
And now I'm not sure how to take it
I want to push it away
Ignore it and yet...
Inside of me craves it
Wants to grab a hold of it and say YES, YES!
But NO, no, I can't...
Why do you do this to me
You know I crave it
You know I'm trying to move on
So why now?
Love What is love
The Highest feeling
of the deepest emotions
Body torn into pieces
Soul feeling as one with the universe
Butterflies in your gut
Life turned upside down
A full moon and star-lit sky
The sun shining on your face
Whispering nothings
Screaming infidelities
Love Is Love is Red
Love sounds romantic
Love tastes like chocolate
Love smells like roses
Love looks like HEAVEN
Love Spent My love I should not have given
My heart I did spend on thee
And what have I got to show for it
Two eyes wet with weeping
And a heart torn apart
Kicked aside - as I was nothing more than mere dust
To be swept away, to be brushed aside
Why do I let this happen?
A fool is always played
Me Keeping to myself
day after day
trying to remain calm
but I explode.
Is it him or me?
The frustration builds and
I can't make it go away...
all that remains is me.
Morning Sun Morning sun on the rise,
Sweetness of you close by,
Looking into your big brown eyes,
Nothing yet is a great big surprise
Except that you’re still here by my side.
Years have gone by
And still I can’t hide
That it’s been you on my mind.
Lingering kiss on my lips,
Holding you close to my hips,
Feeling you ever so near…
When you’re in my arms
I feel so close to you
And all of my wildest dreams have come true.
There’s nothing I’d rather do
Then to spend the rest of my life
Here by your side.
Motivation Not motivated at all
By you
By love
By hate
By anything
I feel like I am waiting for something
Something to happen
Someone to rescue me
No one can save you from yourself
Your mind
There is no more desire
No wanting
Just a state of being there
Am I stuck?
Can I get out to find joy?
Does it exist out there or in me?
Is it something to find or to have?
No one can bring you happiness,
You must find it within yourself.
There are scriptures about God
He is the one to take care of your troubles
To find peace is to let him care of your troubles
Trust in Him to take care of things
But is this so?
Or is this just a belief so one does not take accountability?
You have such a hold over me
I can't let this go
Let yourself go
It's all about relationships isn't it?
I can't paint
I can't play guitar
I can't write
All I do is sit here and think of you.
What are you doing?
Are you thinking of me?
Do you still feel the way you did?
You have confessed renewed feelings
It doesn't complete me as I thought it would
It brought me joy but still not complete
It's better but not complete
Still not complete
What is it I'm looking for?
Why does this happen to my head when I'm all alone
I am left to think idly and my head goes crazy looking for answers
And in the night everything is complex
Nothing is simple when I'm not with you
Nights When nights were young,
When dreams were sung,
When all was in vain,
None was in sane.
When all was fallen,
We knew we belonged.
Longing to hear
These words spoken...
'Follow me inside'
Inside where the night is always young.
You whisper in my ear...
How can you feel...
When there's no room and no lights..
When all that is left to feel is inside this moment
Tell me my dear
How can you feel?
O villainous love Oh what these sad eyes have seen,
Terrible mischief.
Yet villain am I not
For I am to be your lover.
If thou do me wrong,
Thine head shall be slain
And our love be no more.
Oh happy day I was a happy child once
with the wind in my hair,
the sun was shining and
I was invincible.
There was nothing that could hurt me.
I was free as a bird,
floating along the wind of my days.
Looking for adventure
I found it deep in the woods
listening to crickets,
jumping across waters,
Catching fire flies.
There was nothing better,
for I was invincible.
On a winter night Never had a chance to say goodbye.
Never know where I'm going.
Feels like I'm lost among the path of my life.
Feel like running but I stay.
Why do I stay?
I should go.
I should go and find a better place to be.
What happiness will I find if I leave?
This is all I've ever known.
Precious moments Am I wasting all my love on you?
Sitting, waiting, anticipating
The next day we spend a moment
And reliving those moments time and again
Precious moments
With Love soaring high
Life passing by waiting for you and I to become
What we dream, what we become
In those dear moments
Love unsurpassed
Bound only to our unknown destinies
What I feel for you is no secret
What I get in return is mysterious
It's all or nothing
In waiting I feel the nothing
Is it just me, just you?
Scared of what was, what may be?
I'd like to know your thoughts
Empty they may be
But unknown to me
Promise Fulfilled I'm sitting here waiting my the telephone for your call
You say so many broken promises
You don't know what to do because of me
I don't know how to live because of you
"Great loves will one day have to part"
And our time is coming to an end
What did we say in February -?
To the great fears we had
And what would happen afterwards
"I don't want to get you hurt"
I wish that I could make it
So simple - to think of our
Time as good memories and
Nothing more - no feelings
Or strings attached.
I wish I had a stronger heart -
I wish we were as one
And to have done this
A long time ago.
How convenient I must have been to
Hang with after she left and
Before you go off to her again
At least it was one at a time
Not at the same time
Give him credit for the
Love he gave and the joy shared
Immense energy
It's what I'm craving still
After all my longings
The tables have finally turned
The boys have been captured
And are asking
What is this void between us?
"Your voice was my only happiness this weekend. The other 47 hours, 59 minutes and 45 seconds sucked!"
Wowzers - what do you say in return when your love is returned with their heart felt sorrow/happiness needed by your presence
It’s completely amazing
And yet so unexpected after all my own sorrows for their absence
Puzzle pieces of my heart I know the pieces fit
Because I've watched them crumble down
No pain and no conclusion
But I'm still right here waiting
If there was ever a desire to heal
From broken bones
I certainly would have walked away by now
Regained happiness Where is my love that touched me so dear?
Where has he gone, to the depths of no end?
My heart and body trembled by his love
Oh if I could just be with that love again.
These cycles of love, without love
Without knowing where it will go
It is treachery - lies and deceit
Love without a purpose
A lustful desire and yet seems so much more
Why must you, must we
Play in this game of love
If it be called such a thing
Certainly love is not known,
It is a watermelon, big and unknown until opened.
Is it a different color inside from the outside; different texture even?
What makes it so?
I don't understand these inconstant feelings.
For him, for me...
Hurt by expectations not fulfilled
Therefore expect not
And hurt not
But live it all to the fullest
Live it alone?
Live in waiting?
Enjoy it how?
Look to the stars for answers
And if it rains, it is for nourishment.
Make peace.
Love is and love is not.
What is and what may be.
Lost in this constant dream.
Awake dear child and give me my pleasure again
I need to know if you are still mine
I fear not
And if it be so
Nevermore shall this be stirred
The worst expected is received
Love is fleeting across the ocean
There is nothing I can do.
Thinking "What have I done?"
What could I do to rewind this?
Do and say what I feared
Before all is too late
Even if I did, what difference would it make?
He'll still be gone and I would be alone
I am still uncertain, if this love is what I really want.
There is a lot of mystery to it.
Who knows what the right decision is -
But he said - do what's best or right but what you want to do.
Do what makes you happy.
And he makes me happy.
Hail misery in this love
Misery is here more so than love
At greater lengths
And yet I must appreciate what I already have
With someone else
With one who is here, is staying
But why must I look forward
This certainly is not healthy
Run Lose all your cool
Run away from love
Be who you want
Live your dreams
Be alone
Soft sea of regret Minutes felt like years
Yet wishing for those moments
Where we shared tears
Soft but full of regret
Things that might have been
Things that I should have done
How sad am I on this beautiful sea
Sights that are soft on the eyes
Yet killing the soul
Exposing all the unknown
Sweet dagger of mine All talk and nothing to see
You’re inside of me
Opening my heart
And killing it softly
How hard it will be
To let you go
What I want is you
To make me happy
To fill this void
Be my everything
All in one
Wasting away Wither away into nothingness
Melt all the elements into one
Destroy and conquer
All the pieces of my heart
All I'll ever need is waiting
For me there, for me there.
We can be together Fuck you
Fuck me
Fuck this world
And what we believe
Never do the same
Never do the old
Hold the bold in its place
Please, let me touch your face
Let me be the one you crave
Lets escape these miseries
And try to act brave
Even if we can't escape
Just be there when I need you
Just listen when I talk
Just hold me when I cry
Just hold my hand while we walk
Just smile when I try to love you
Just be who you are
The way I see you from inside
The way I love you..
Just makes me a little better
A little wiser
A little happier
More content with myself
More sure of this world
More in love each day
Our little piece of the world
Is in our hearts
Its where we can go anytime anyday
Our little piece of the world
Grows bigger each day.
What really matters? This is all that really matters.
Let it be that simple for once.
Spread love around
Taking on the world quietly, quietly but oh so surely, together.
And nothing can stop them now.
You don't know
How you make me feel
My heart is calling
For something new
Do you think
it would make a difference
If it's you or me
Who makes this move?
Just listen
You'll hear me calling...
Don't worry
Leave your cares behind
It will come to you
As sweetly as peace
When the day is done
Where are you? Waiting all your life to be where you are
And once you are there, is it still what you hoped for?
Is it all that or is it more?
Do you want to throw it all away?
Do you want to give it back?
Have you changed?
Are you still there?
Am I still alone?
Wounded heart Words of cold ice
Sharp like a knife
Stabbing each other
Through the heart
I can't see the reason
I can only feel the pain
Your kiss It's your kiss
Your kiss I love
So much passion inside
With nothing to hide
In your kiss
I feel alive
03/15/02 No thoughts
No sound
Just whispering voices
Silence lingers
Lips waiting to move
Heart waiting to feel
Thoughts of you
Yet nowhere to be seen
Empty house
Yet to be filled
Stomach churning
Heart burning
Longing to be
Closer to thee.
---------
Dust collects and I don’t care
A crack in the wall and I don't care
Dirty laundry on the floor and I don’t care
Yet distance grows between us and I can't bare the thought of it
-------
Dangerously the most intelligent creature
We’re too smart for our own good
We humans take things to extreme
We make decisions based on both the environment around us
And what we think the environment is going to be like in the future, or past
We make irrational decisions knowing fully well
That our actions are not in our best interest
We still choose them
To sacrifice yourself for a loved one
There is no set path one should follow
Your choices are yours and yours alone
There is no single destiny, things change.
July 12 2002 How sad am I
No one to hear my plea
No one seems to care
Fully, completely,
Whole-heartedly.
Nothing or no one
Seems to stay here
Everything that used to matter,
Everything I loved,
No longer remains.
How sad am I
Here all alone
With no other soul
But my own.
July 14, 2002 What I want you to say
Rather than what comes out
Your words
They mean so much
And yet they are few
When you pour out your soul
You conceive its meaning
You keep it simple
But make it so complex
I want more,
But keep getting less.
I'm hurting in ways you couldn't understand,
And all I want is to hear more of your words
Telling me it'll be ok, that you care.
Every brush off, every little thing adds up
And I'm sick of feeling like I'm just a friend.
What I want is not what you give.
This is an over reaction.
This is silly.
But it's what I feel.
Why don't you hear my screams?
I'm calling out to you
But no one's listening
Am I loud enough for you?
Are you hearing me?
Why can't you see?
I'm calling out for you
I'm standing out front
Waiting patiently
I've been here all night
I'm calling out for you
Do you hear the words that I say?
Are you (even) listening?
Can you hear what I'm saying?
I'm calling out for you
I've been waiting here patiently
Standing out front for you
Waiting here all night
Calling out for you
Don't you hear my screams?
Am I loud enough for you?
----
I've lost all thought
All concentration
It remains with you
A chance encounter
Highlight of the day
Repeating it in my head
Reliving the moment
I shared with you
-----
Wasting affection on the wrong person
Love is not returned
Why should I bother?
Silly girl I've been for you
Slave to the master of my heart
Break these chains free.