This is the story of Boudreaux and his wife Marie, two Cajuns who move up north to a new job. Below is a list of short notes written on a postcard to his friend Thibodeaux:
Dec. 16: Thibodeaux, it started to snow a lot up here. This is the first snow Marie and I have ever seen. Marie and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the snow flakes come down on the trees and covering the ground. Boy its pretty...
Dec. 17: Thibodeaux, we woke up with snow on the ground. I shoveled snow from the driveway for the first time and I LIKE IT very much. The snowplow machine came by and covered my driveway. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled the snow again.
Dec. 18: Thibodeaux, it snowed 5 more inches last night and the temp dropped down to 9 degrees. Thibodeaux this is goose and duck weather. I goosed Marie and ducked under the covers again. Man it is cold in this place. A few limbs on the trees broke off and fell in the yard. The snowplow came by and did his trick again. I shoveled the brownish-gray snow again.
Dec. 19: Thibodeaux, the temperature went up just enough to melt the snow but then dropped 8 degrees and made some ice. I went to buy some snow tires for the car and fell on my derriere. Had to pay the Doctor $145. More snow expected.
Dec. 20: Thibodeaux, it's COLD!!!!!!! Freezing my rear off!!!!!!!!!. Sold car and bought 4x4 truck to get to work. Slid into guardrail and did $2200 worth of damage. Had another 8 inches of that damn snow last night. The stupid snowplow came by twice. Now the driveway is nothin but ice.. I am getting fed up with this weather.
Dec. 21: Thibodeaux, more snow and it is 7 degrees BELOW ZERO. All the trees lost their limbs last night and three trees were broken in half. The electricity went off last night. Tried to keep from freezing my derriere by hugging Marie's but her derriere was as cold as mine. I tried to keep warm by using candles. Had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom with no heat. It reminded me of the good old days. My derriere got stuck to the toilet seat. I got scared and got up fast. I knocked the damn candle off the stand and caught the curtains on fire. I put out the fire but had second degree burn on my hand. While coming back from the Doctor my 4x4 slid on ice and was totaled. Damn I hate this weather.
Dec. 22: Thibodeaux, damn snow keeps coming down. Had to put on all the clothes that I own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch that SOB that drives that snowplow I will kick his ... Power still off, toilet froze, and part of the roof has caved in. More snow predicted.
Dec. 23: Thibodeaux, six more inches of damn snow came down with sleet. Who knows what other kind of stuff will fall today. I went outside to clear the driveway and the damn snowplow driver came by and dumped more snow on my driveway. I chased and stopped him long enough to beat him up. I was going to hit him with my shovel, but he got away. Marie left me. Car won't start. I am going snow blind and my toes are frozen. More snow predicted and the wind chill is 44 degrees below zero. Damn it is cold.
Dec. 24: Thibodeaux, I AM MOVING BACK TO LAFAYETTE!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Boudreaux:
I am writing this letter slow cause I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from the house, so he moved. I won't be able to send you the address cause the family that lived here took the numbers for their next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put 4 shirts in it, pulled the chain and have not seen them since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you, well your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the heavy buttons, so we cut them off and placed them in the coat pocket.
About your father, he has a lovely new job. He has over 500 men under him, he is cutting the grass at the cemetery. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I don't know if it is a boy or girl. So I don't know if you are a uncle or an aunt.
All three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup truck. One was the driver and the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down the window and he swim to the bank. Your other two friends drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out but he fought them off so he drowned. We cremated his body and it burned for three days.
Not much more news than this, nothing much happened. Write more often or more times than you do.
Love, Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says "Don't eat the dead ones" and you know what he means.
You gave up Tabasco for Lent.
You refer to Louisiana winters as "gumbo weather."
You can look at a rice field and tell how much gravy it will take to cover the rice.
You think the head of the United Nations is Boudreaux-Boudreaux Guillory.
Watching "Wild Kingdom" inspires you to write a cookbook.
You think boudin, hogshead cheese and a Bud is a bland diet.
You think Ground Hog Day and Boucherie Day are the same holiday.
You take a bite of 5-alarm Texas chili and reach for the Tabasco.
Fred's Lounge in Mamou means more to you than the Grand Ole Opry.
You have an "envie" for something instead of a craving.
You use two or more pirogues to cover your newly planted tomatoes to protect them from a late frost.
The horsepower of you outboard motor is greater than the motor in your truck.
You'd pass up a cruise to go to the Crawfish Festival in Breaux Bridge.
You children's favorite bedtime story begins "First you make a roux..."
Your school teaches the four basic food groups as- boiled seafood, broiled seafood, fried seafood and beer.
You're asked to name the four seasons and reply, "Onions, celery, bell pepper and Tony's."
You let your black coffee cool and find it has gelled.
You describe a yard of boudin and cracklings as "breakfast."
You describe a seven-course meal as a six-pack and a pound of boudin!
Your mama/spouse announces each morning, "Well, I've got the rice cooking, what will we have for dinner?"
None of your potential vacation destinations are north of the old Mississippi River bridge **(A bridge in Baton Rouge on Highway 190)**
You think of gravy as a beverage.
You learned bourre' the hard way - holding yourself upright in your crib.
You consider the four seasons winter, spring, summer and hunting.
Your high school band's rendition of the national anthem begins, "Jambalaya, crawfish pie, filet gumbo..."
You stand up when they play "Jolie Blonde."
Any of your dessert recipes call for jalapenos.
You consider Breaux Bridge the capital of the state, and Lafayette the capital of the nation.
You think the Mason-Dixon line is at Bunkie.
You think Fiscal Reform has to do with an exercise program.
Mrs. Boudreaux went to the local newspaper and said she wanted to put in the Obituary Column that Boudreaux died. They told her it would be $1.00 per word. She said, "Here's $2.00 - put in dere dat BOUDREAUX DIED. They said, Mrs. Boudreaux, surely you want more dan dat." She said, Mais, no, just Boudreaux died. The editor said, "Well, you're a little upset. Bring yourself back tomorrow and you will probably tink of somethin else. She came back the next day, and said, "Yeh, I taught of somethin else, "BOAT FOR SALE".
Boudreaux and Thibodaux died and went to Heaven. When they got to the Gate, they met ol' Saint Pete. They said, "Saint Pete, beb, how you been?" and Saint Pete said, "Mais ok, sha, but ah got bad news for you Boudreaux. You been so bad on Earth, you got to spend all Eternity with a ugly woman." Boudreaux was pretty sad but he said, "Well, if ah hafto, ah hafto." So the next day him and his ugly woman was walking down the golden street when they saw Thibodaux and he was with Cindy Crawford! So Boudreaux went talk to Saint Pete. He said, "Saint Pete, sha, come see. Ah think we got a mistake here. How come Thibodaux gets Cindy Crawford and Ah got stuck with a ugly woman!" Saint Pete said, :"Aw, Boudreaux, you dont understand! Cindy Crawford got stuck with Thibodaux!"
Boudreaux was waiting by his house cause his wife was missing. Boudreaux heres a knock at the door, so he answers it. His buddy Thibodaux is at the door. Thibodaux says Boudreaux I got good news and bad news. The bad news is we found your wife drowned in the lake. The good news is when we picked her up out the lake she had 3 dozen crabs holding on, so bring some beer we are going to have a crab boil.
One day Thibodaux and his family came to the city of New Orleans. Not knowing what to do first, they decided to go to the tallest building they could find. Once in, Mamma went off looking in some shops, while Thibodaux and his son browsed around together. After a bit, they came to these the big ole' Golden Doors. Pa says, Wonda wat dees here doors lead to? So, they stare at the doors for a few seconds until an old woman comes up to them. She pushes a button, the doors open, and she enters. The doors close. They notice numbers above the door start to change: 1........2.........3...stop and then resume back down.3.......2.......1..then the doors open! A beautiful young voluptous woman walks out! Son shouts Wow! Pa! You see that! Pa replies quickly, Yeah son! Hurry! Go get Yer MA!
Boudreaux and Thibodaux were on a weekend hunt when they witnessed a UFO landing. As the little green creatures came out of the UFO craft, Boudreaux said " Mais whats that?" Thibodaux replied as he aimed his gun " I dont know me, but Boudreaux you better go back to the camp and put some rice on!"
This guy waked into a bar, sat down and asked the guy next to him, "What's ya name?" He replied, "Thibideaux". The other guy yelled "Bar tenda, bring us a round o' beers, we got the same last names!!!" Then Thibideaux asked, "What year was ya born in?" Thibideaux said, "1957" " Bar tenda bring us a round of beers, we was born in da same year!!!" "What is ya birthday?" "July 26th" "Bar tenda bring us anotha round, we was born on da same day!!!" At that time the phone rang, it was the owne of the bar. The owner said to the bar tender, "What's goin' on over there?" The bartender said, "Nothin' much, just those two Thibideaux twins gettin drunk again!!!"
*Special thanks to Trey for sending that one in!*
Back when a long time ago Boudreaux and Thibodeaux played football. And sha, their two coaches were arguin' over who had the dumbest players. Boudreaux's coach says, "Man I gotta have the dumbest players there is!" Thibodeaux's coach then say, "You gotta be kiddin'!" Boudreaux's then say, "Oh yeah, you just watch this, BOUDREAX!!!" Boudreaux he come runnin' and says, "Yah coach?" "Boudreaux, here's a dollar, go buy me a Caddilac." And Boudreaux he takes off runnin' Thibodeaux's coach then say, "That aint nuttin', watch dis, THIBODEAUX!!!!!" Thibadoux come runnin' and say, "Yah coach?" His coach say, "Thibodeaux, go check in the office and see if I'm there." And Thibodeaux takes off running in the other direction. Later on Bodreaux and Thibodeaux meet up and Boudreaux says, "Man I gotta have the dumbest coach ever, he give me dis dollar and told me to buy him a caddilac, but he didn't even tell me what color." Then Thibodeaux say, " That aint nuttin, my coach tell me to go in the office to see if he was there, there was a phone next to him he coulda called!"
*Thanks for that one, Josh!*
Boudreau and his wife Clotile, were out riding in the car one Sunday afternoon. They was gone down that highway when just up in front of the car Boudreau see a momma skunk and three baby skunks crossing the road. Boudreau slam on them there brakes right quick, but he hit the last baby skunk in that line. That baby skunk start flopping around all over the place, so Boudreau stop that car. He say, "Clotile, let's pick up that there baby skunk and bring him home and try to save his life. They make real good pets." Boy, Boudreau get out of that car and went straight to pick up that skunk and bring him back to the car. When he got in that car, he tell Clotile "Look Clotile, you put him right there, right in between your legs right there to keep him warm so he don't hypertension." Clotile say, "Boudreau, it smells so bad." Boudreau tell Clotile, "Pinch his little nose."
If you have any comments or any cajun jokes that I can put on my page, email me!
Agghhh! I am never going to get this damn thing to work right!
Au Revoir, Mon Ami!