A New Millennium?

    Two matters of business.

1.  Regarding the Y2K issue: I told you so.  The only thing that went wrong was that the U.S. spy satellite system went down for three hours.  I have two theories that might explain this: (a) The CIA decided to let someone have a few hours to slip a few things under the Americans' collective nose as part of some deal they had set up ahead of time.  Y2K would provide the perfect excuse for a few hours of unassuming down time for people to ship nuclear missiles around or something.  Or, (b) Americans are stupid.  Occam's Razor would indicate that the second theory is more likely.

2.  My opinion on the third millennium is that it begins January 1, 2001.  This acknowledges the fact that some monk in the first millennium never thought of zero.  However, some factors have to be taken into account before you decide for yourself when the new millennium begins (or began):

     a.)  Said monk also screwed up the date of Jesus' birth.

     b.)  There are several different calenders available to choose from.  This is why the Cold War occurred:  The Russians and the Americans kept planning meetings to sort things out and pack up the nuclear weapons, but they were using different calendar systems, so they never showed up at the meeting place at the same time.  The Cold War was thus further escalated, because each side thought the other was standing them up, so they built more nuclear weapons in bitterness.  They also gossiped with their girlfriends at slumber parties, but that's another story altogether.

     c.)  Lower forms of life don't have calenders, and because they're not quite sure when the last millennium began, they can declare a new one whenever they like.  This is apparently also true of the American media.

     So I say, celebrate a new millennium if you like, but if you get too drunk to stand up, don't puke on me.