Frequently Asked Questions:
How can I join K.C.C.? You must be inducted.
Well, then, how can I be inducted? Chances are you are just not worthy. No offense.
Are there educational opportunities available in K.C.C.? Good question. The prestigious Bar Harbor University offers a full-tuition, four-year scholarship to all K.C.C. members in good standing. And K.C.C. membership looks good on any college application of course.
What's the deal with your mascot? Unfortunately, our previous mascot, Kitty, has recently passed away, but we are currently in search of a new mascot.
What kind of funds do you procure? Though I cannot specifically divulge the contents of the K.C.C. treasury due to security reasons, I will note that if all our present funds were doubled, we would still have the same amount of money.
Can I donate money to K.C.C.? Hell, yes.
Who is this Sam Poole guy? We still are trying to figure this one out. Known for his black turtlenecks and profound thoughts, he is the first K.C.C. member to have been inducted in neutral waters; the ceremony took place on a cruise ship off the coast of Greece.
What is the gross national product of Burundi? Honestly I don't know.
What foreign chapters exist? Well, there are two in Italy, and that's it. We hope to expand to other countries, like Alaska for example.
What kind of cars do you guys drive? Pink Cadillacs. While we're on the subject, if you ever see any mangled-looking Mary Kay women complaining about a group of scruffy teenage boys who mugged them and stole their cars, you have no idea what they're talking about, OK?
Can I buy stock in K.C.C.? That's not a bad idea actually. With America's booming economy and the rising status of K.C.C. in society, you're sure to make a few grand in a matter of months. K.C.C. stock certificates make great stocking stuffers too! Or, show a loved one how much you really care by buying her some shares. Then ask her what's for dinner.
I just bought a new CD by the band Scrotus. Are they related in any way to K.C.C.? Yup. Originally, the buzz band consisted of Stewart Wright on vocals, Deven Cough on lead guitar, Mac Carr on bass, and Nick Carlisle playing drums. After the release of their hit album "In The Park," however, Nick Carlisle left the band to pursue narcaleptic engineering. He has been replaced by the "patriarch of percussion" himself, Mushmouth Jonson.
I heard that a new one-act play called the McTempest is opening soon. Is this a crock of horse dung? No, The K.C.C. players are preparing to perform the classic McShakespeare play, written by Nick Carlisle, which stars Mac Carr as Grimace, Devyn Cough as Mayor McCheese, and Lewis Kotredes as Ronald McDonald. Says Lewis, "Beseech you sir, and be merry. I do well believe your fryness, and did it to minister occasion to these gentleburgers who are of such sensible and nimble buns that they always use to laugh at nothing. So continue and laugh at nothing still."
Do you have questions about K.C.C.? Ask them aloud right now and see if anyone around you wonders what the heck you're talking about.
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