The North Side

Where Moss Grows in Abundance Written, produced, copyrighted and edited by the Voice

Story: A Crackdown from the Evil Empire

Well, fellow Resistance members, the long hated and awaited day has finally arrived. Agent M has instituted a crackdown, in a school bereft with truants and people who do not do their homework, on the real offenders: those who do not tuck in their shirt. Never mind that many people have shirts so humongous they can tuck them in and still have them hang down almost to their knees, never mind the fact that the only teachers enforcing it are in the Hell's Furnace area where Agenta A and Agenta W roam: Agent M is convinced the real problem is too many untucked shirts.

The Voice is going to recap the basic history of the new law:

1) Original Purpose: stop the bringing of weapons to school, stop crime, make us look Sharp.

2) Actual Purpose: get people suspended for no actual reason, send Agenta A on a power trip, make many of us look as if we have arrived via time travel from the 1940's (the Voice acknowledges that this probably is Agent M's definition of Sharp).

But we must also remember the more worthwhile effects of this ban: violent crime (which includes crime using the weapons this law is designed to target) is down a rewarding and gratifying 0%, to our current, post-dress code rate: 0%. When you compare this to the horrifying, pre-dress code rate of 0%, it is easy to see why Agent M is implementing this rule.

The Voice is just joking, of course. Armed with logic this bad, Agent M would lose a debate to almost anyone except perhaps Dan Quayle or Agent Bald Eagle, and smarter people like the Voice and his peers can see right through the facade to the real reason. The real reason is that Agent M is just implementing yet another bold measure to prepare for the Invasion of Horrendous Space Aliens from Saturn, or possibly the even more horrifying Invasion of Pat Buchannan Wannabees Seeking to Improve America's Youth. Agent M knows that the Resistance members are dangerous to his mission; so he is inventing laws, then enforcing them to get rid of the only people who can stop his dastardly crusade. Now, I realize many of you do not believe me when I say Agent M is an alien. But I am not kidding. I have irrefutable evidence. Have you ever seen a picture of Agent M in the hallway, when he was principal way back in 1972 or something? With his hair taking up about as much space as Danny DeVito? He looks like Don King on steroids! You can not tell me with a straight face anyone with that kind of hair originated on this planet.

In the wake of these discoveries, the Voice is in somewhat of a tough position here. On the one hand, you have subversive resistance, peaceful protests, and the like. On the other hand, you have open resistance, a willingness to be a martyr and uncompromising ideological combat. On the one hand, you have ineffectiveness; on the other hand, you have Tianamen Square.

Well, the Voice has thought it over for almost two minutes, and the Voice now knows what must be done: the second one! Kind of. The Voice does not, to be honest, relish the thought of, say, being locked inside a washing machine as punishment. We need a more subtle method: a PR campaign. Inundate the Real Deal with protests. Schedule student marches. Leave these little pamphlets where Agent M might...er....."accidentally" find one.

Never mind, that sounds like a lot of work. Let's just make a bunch of Molotov Cocktails instead.

The Voice Has Spoken