31/5/99: I'm trying to have as few friends and talk to as few ppl as possible now, to prepare for my adult life as a hermit

1/6/99: Couldn't be stuffed thinking of anything for today.

2/6/99: Never fail to try to fail.

20/6/99: I'm so lazy, I feel a sense of accomplishment every time I finish going to the toilet.

22/6/99: Doors don't like me.

26/6/99: God invented oysters to make really stupid people part with their money.

1/7/99: To those (and i won't mention their names) who think I'm not as sad as this homepage makes me out to be, I have a few words of wisdom for them: BLOW IT OUT YOUR ARSE, CHRIS AND JAMES!!!!!

4/7/99: I wish someone would tear me a new arsehole. I mean, it would be pretty convenient and everyone knows I've got enough room for another.

6/7/99: Definition of a born loser: someone who gets a paper cut from a get-well card.

8/7/99: Is it just me or is it impossible to eat soup with your left hand??

10/7/99: Have you ever, after watching those magicians poncing around on TV, thought to yourself, 'What a prick'?

11/7/99: Let's combine 'Family Feud' with 'Perfect Match' where contestants get to date their own family members- Judith Lucy

15/7/99: You should keep everyone's expectations of you to be as low as possible so you might not disappoint them in the end.

16/7/99: Always buy clothes which match the colour of tissue paper that will inevitably taint your washing.

19/7/99: You know you've done good for yourself when your social life during primary school was better than your social life now as a teenager.

20/7/99: Never trust a proctologist or gynaecologist who tells you to close your eyes then punches you in the face.

21/7/99: M-I-C-K-E-Y.......Gy-na-caeo-lo-gy!

23/7/99: This page was not 'Made in China', so it wasn't created with slave labour, won't break with a single use, and doesn't come with McDonald's McHappy Meals.

24/7/99: Apparently, if you dial 000 backwards, you still get the same number!! God works in mysterious ways..

28/7/99: If you're good enough to have a boyfriend, you're too good for me.

29/7/99: "Computers are a great way to meet people you would find revolting in person." -Daria

30/7/99: The Sandman once said 'to be remarkable is painful, and trying to be remembered is simply humiliating'.....tonight at trivia nite, this could not have been more true. On an unrelated note, well done to Ben once more...

31/7/99: An extract from "The Bugger's Book of Techniques for Meeting Girls-
If a girl looks at you, return the favour, but only a brief glimpse (may not be long enough to actually see what she looks like), in case she doesn't like you, and in case she thinks you're staring at her. Then move away just to emphasise that you wasn't staring at her. The end result- the girl who might've liked you thinks you don't like her. Would-be-romance-turned-problem solved!

7/8/99: You know how you go 'aaaahhhhhh' after relieving yourself, well do you do the same for your dog after he/she answers the call of nature, because he/she can't really 'aaaahhhh' for itself? I do.

8/8/99: Just when you think they've thought of everything, they make ads that make tampons look FUN!! F@#$&*%!!!!.

11/8/99: What can you do when you hate the sound of your own voice but can't quit talking to yourself??

14/8/99: For all you people out there, the meaning of life.......can be found in a dictionary. Piss easy!

26/8/99: I live with the eternal hope that people's current happiness will be detrimental to their future, and that teen romances will always turn out to be short-lived infatuations, and would always end with so much heartbreaking pain it is proportional to its redundancy.

27/8/99: If I were a bird I'd be afraid of heights.

31/8/99: Feed your dog only after it finishes licking itself. The food will taste comparatively better.

1/9/99: To me, Maths is a lot like girls. I'm not very good with either of them and I always end up failing.

7/9/99: When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harrasment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, its $3.95 per minute -Steven Wright

9/9/99: It is often said 'She sells sea-shells by the sea-shore.' Why would anyone want to do that? Where is the business sense in it?
"A: Excuse me, would you like to buy a sea-shell?
B: No, I'll just pick them up off the sand...THEY'RE FREE!!" -Flacco

12/9/99: You try to do a good thing; moving your chair, in a crowded restaurant, to let a little kid pass, and all you end up doing is whacking his head with the chair accidentally.

21/9/99: People with enough confidence are always deluded, ie, people with a lot of confidence are able to achieve to the most unthinkable and ridiculously impossible things. That is why I refuse to have any confidence whatsoever.

29/9/99: Here's a comparison between me and people with a girlfriend.

19/10/99: If you want to get rid of a problem, simply find a bigger problem to occupy your mind, or get a variety of problems so the original problem seems less significant.

23/10/99: The thing about karaoke is that singing might be fun, but being heard is not.

30/10/99: The good thing about noisy places is that you can fart in public and no one would hear it.

9/12/99: Taco Bell's tacos are not made with chihuahua meat, McDonald's burgers don't contain clown meat and the Burger King is not Australia's head of state.

16/12/99: Any teenage boy who regards Xena, the Warrior Princess, as their role model is not,in any way, normal.

21/12/99: Do you wake up in the morning feeling sleepy and grumpy?
> > > > > > > You must be Snow White - Doug Anthony All Stars (D.A.A.S)

24/12/99: For me, Christmas is about the same carols played so many fuckin' times, you wanna bite your own ears off, crap tv shows are replaced by crappier Christmas shows, and worst of all, herds of excruciatingly happy people.

27/12/99: Male is a four-letter word and female is an F-word.

Please sign the guestbook
View the guestbook