Kristy was stretched across the couch in the back of the bus as it tinkered along the bumpy road. As far as she knew, everyone was asleep. Peering through the blackness of night that had enveloped the bus, she double checked for any light or signs of life. Extracting the journal from her bag, she clicked on the pen and proceded to write.
I'm so out of it, I don't even know what day it is. Things move in a blur, especially now. My life has collapsed, it's not worth anything right now. Nick is gone. He's so close, just two bunks away, but he's so far from me. I wish that I could go talk to him, tell him I'm sorry for getting mad, tell him that I love him. But this little fight has spawned past just a fight. It's a battle of pride and ego, something both of us have bountiful amounts of, and we're both determined not to lose. I love the lying bastard, even though he is a lying bastard. I'm a hypocritical bitch, he's a lying bastard. We go together perfectly. I just can't understand why he wouldn't tell me something so important. I can't comprehend what would make him think that I would be less public display of affection and more private display of affection. Lord, if I'm brave enough to kiss him in front of Jane and Aaron, then the rest of the world would be nothing.
Kristy paused to think of what to right next.
I don't know what will come of us. There's a full month, as of Saturday, left in the tour. The only possible bright spot is getting home. We're in Toronto next week sometime, Wednesday I believe, and I plan to make the most of it. Get drunk, forget Nick, screw some guy, tell one of the guys a juicy story, then watch as Nick blows shit through the roof. Maybe I'll bring Brian along, he and Nick are best buds, Nick is bound to find out ASAP. Let the ass suffer just like me. God, how I wish I wasn't so stuck in myself. He's human, it was just a mistake. A fricking hurtful mistake, no less. I can see it now... 'I'm so sorry Nick, can you ever forgi--
Kevin stumbled into the room, and Kristy slammed the book shut. "Hey Kris, why are you up?" he asked her confused.
"Just doing stuff" Kristy looked for somewhere to hide the journal.
Kev looked at her suspiciously. "What were you reading at..." he glanced at his watch, "2 in the morning?"
"Why?" Kristy stalled.
"Cause I want to know" Kevin had his eyes trained on her, and as soon as Kristy looked away he grabbed the journal.
"KEVIN!" Kristy shrieked loudly and grabbed for her journal desperately.
He easily held the journal out of her reach, and ran for the bathroom. He quickly locked the door. "Do you want the whole bus to know that I've got this?" he asked in a sing song voice, knowing that it would make Kristy be quiet. Dead silence radiated from the other side of the door, and Kevin methodically turned on the bathroom light. "That's what I thought, now let me read." He opened the book, and realized it was Kristy's journal. The black spiral bound book was tattered, with edges torn slightly. Flipping through, he read songs and entries, moved by some of the heartfelt emotions. He came to a page that was covered in words like 'asshole' and 'liar' in dark red pen. Begining after that page, Kevin read through the entries.
"I had no idea such assholes could walk the earth!" the first entry after the fight began. He realized that she'd been writing in the journal about three times a day since Nick and her had stopped getting along. The first lines of the entries softened, and there were a few songs that were written in Kristy's curvy script. One song caught his eye, and Kevin read the words slowly...
Those days of love are gone
Our time is through
Still I burn on and on
All of my life
Only for you
From now
Until forever
And ever, my darling
Forever
You will always be the only one...
You will always be the only one...
As long as I shall live
I'll hold you dear
And I will reminisce
Of our love all through the years
From now
Until forever
And ever, my darling
Forever
You will always be the only one...yes
You will always be the only one...
If you should ever need me
Unfailingly I will return
To your arms
And unburden your heart
And if you should remember
That we belong together
Never be ashamed
Call my name
Tell me I'm the one you treasure
Forever
And ever, my darling
Forever
You will always be the only one...
You will always be the only one...
Kevin was shocked at the powerful words on the paper. There were some muical instructions written beside some words, and things were crossed out in places. He hadn't really imagined Kristy as the song-writing type, let alone the song writing type who writes really good songs. Amazed, he unlocked the door. Kristy was curled up in the corner of the couch crying.
"I'm so stupid" she sobbed quietly. "I didn't want anyone to know how badly I miss him"
"Kristy..." Kevin breathed. "Kristy, this stuff in here is amazing. You should really get some of this recorded."
She raised her head and scoffed at him. "That's not exactly in the forefront of my mind right now Kev"
He noticed the tear stains running down her face. "Oh Kristy" he murmured, and sat down next to the girl who now seemed like a lost four year old, not a singing 17 year old.
"I miss him so bad" she laughed through her tears. "Though it is my fault"
"What happened between you guys, if I may ask"
"I-we..." she proceded to pour the whole story out, letting a flood of emotions off her mind.
Kevin sat in silence for a few minutes before responding. All he did was extend his arms to the desperately sad girl. She crawled into his lap and sobbed into his shoulder, helpless to control the tears flowing from her eyes. "Why don't you talk to him if you love him so much?" Kevin asked the simplest question in the world, but it was so difficult for Kristy.
"Because I can't" she moaned woefully. "I'd love to, but I can't." Realizing what she was doing, Kristy brushed the tears away and sniffled. "Please don't tell the guys I was crying, Nick'll find out and he'll be like 'Oh, she want's me back' but I want him to realize that he can't just expect to get away with this, no questions asked ... Please don't tell anyone anything Kevin...PLEASE!" Kristy begged him anxiously, her pride over taking her pain for the moment.
"But if Ni--"
"Promise me!" she cut him off desperately, and extended a finger. "Pinkie swear me, pinkie swear that you won't tell anyone"
"Krist-"
"Promise!" she insisted.
"I promise" Kevin agreed reluctantly.
She signed, relieved. "Thanks Kev" Kristy hugged him again.
"You should go get some sleep, you've got the press conference tommorow" he suggested. He hugged Kristy again, and shooed her off to bed. He remained in the darkness of the backroom. 'What would possess Nick to do that?' he wondered, wanting desperately to wake Nick and ask him, but wouldn't, for Kevin had promised Kristy he wouldn't, and a promise is a promise.