My Life
(for those that care)
Well, my friends, it has been a full seven and one-half months since I last found it necessary to update. And I am the only person who has updated at all since January, so that makes it even more interesting, doesn't it?
My life has undergone a few changes. My relationship with Jelibean is gone, for starters. It was great and I loved it while it lasted, but for some reason I was just not able to handle a relationship anymore, and it's my fault entirely. My life is just so busy and I'm always so tired that I just did not have the time or energy to devote to such a serious relationship.
Well, everyone always talks about their feelings on here. I used to, but then I stopped. Now I feel like crap. I am just so run down that I want to stop the world and jump onto the moon to watch all of the hectic little ants of people running around with their busy, busy lives while I sit in lazy splendor and do nothing at all. Sometimes I also feel a bit... I dunno. Insecure, I guess is the word for it. I don't know how people feel about me, and I know that it sholdn't matter, but it does. If it didn't really matter what people thought, then we wouldn't have prisons,policemen, and electric chairs, would we? Sometimes I feel like my only escape is music, and even that doesn't always work. It's impossible to focus on music that is not fresh or which you don't always understand, or which is new to you. I just acquired a CD of Arnold Bax's Symphony No. 2. It's not bad music, but I just can't focus on it. It seems that all I can focus on at this point is Vaughan Williams, Walton, Bach, and a few miscellaneous little pieces. This is not necessarily a good thing, but it happens from time to time, and I deal with it. This a time when playing is better than listening. With playing, it is easier to express. Listening is for identifying with the composer and understanding their thoughts, and unless you're conducting you're not really expressing anything yourself. But that's enough rambling about that.
As for school, it is the same plan as before. Wichita State University for two years, and University of North Texas after that to complete my bachelors in Music Education and Oboe Performance. After that, I'm still considering my possibilities. One possibility is stay at UNT, another is to try and get into a better program (such as Indiana University, U Michigan Ann Arbor, Boston Conservatory, etc.), and the last option is to perhaps study abroad, preferably in Germany. Then I will try to get a bit of experience, hone my skills, and try to get into a good Doctoral Program, such as that at U Michigan.
Those are my thoughts and ramblings. I hope you feel enlightened. If you don't, you're probably not alone. Oh, well. I wonder if this will be my final update. If I ever remember to, I shall try to update at college, as we all should. It would be interesting to see how everyone is doing their freshman year.
Updated March 30, 2000.