life just got away from me one day. i awoke from a long slumber, to find that my feet had melted into the floor. and as i tried to step forwards, i dragged pieces of linoleum along with me. i looked at the clock. it was in the shape of a rooster. the cock clock had broken through use of my neighbor putting it up his tight virgin asshole.

i clenched my eyes tight, and remembered my first homosexual experience. it was in a closet at school. i was only six and had already become quite good at sucking cock. i could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. by the time i was eight i had been drafted into the u.s. army as their secret weapon. i would run along the border of the enemy territory, shanking the enemy and blowing them into submission. i also became a truth serum, in which the government thought in throes of ecstasy soldiers would reveal privileged information.

and it was through my travels as a young gentleman that i came across a local jazz band that changed my life. i was stationed in Westside, commonly refered to as the ‘Side, policing the homosexual population with occasional murders to confuse the heteros’. i was once on one of my patrols when i encountered a drunk man, swinging from lightpost to lightpost talking to the faeries danced on his head. he told them that as soon as he scored some Buzz, that they’d best be gone.

i was sitting in the city lights cafe, when i heard the saxophone of miles jones. a chill ran through my body as i clenched my fists tightly. i didn’t notice it at the time, but I had came in pants with a deafening explosion of semen. i looked around me and saw ol’ man ginsberg, who hadn’t had a hard-on in twenty years, masturbating. and he came three times, before he even noticed anything. and by the time he even looked down and acknowledged the fact that he was beating it, he had started to come blood.

everyone in the ‘Side was dead. i was surrounded by dead zombies that only existed in my mind. for those people in the ‘Side would never talk to me, unless i was using my sexual prowess to seduce them. it was a place where i was half expecting to wake up dead myself, a hypodermic needle sticking out of my forearm. or perhaps an empty bottle of jack d. in my hands.

the ‘Side was not a place for little boys, but i had grown up all too quickly. i noticed that billy in the corner was giving me the eye. he had just downed a shot of whiskey, when he licked the tip of his finger and started circling his nipple. my brow bunched together in confusion. he motioned with his finger for me to walk over to his table and join him. i pretended like i didn’t understand him, for he had always intimidated me. but the Jazz that was playing was making me extremely horny.

i got up and started the long trek to billy’s table. i happened across two more regulars, neal and jack, whom I waved to. they looked at me, and blinked through their drunken stupor before returning to their drinking game. something in their drunken haze made me wonder if my life was going the way i had wanted it to.

by the time i got to billy’s table my rock hard-on had turned into jelly. billy frowned at this and looked towards the stage, hoping for the Jazz to get me in the mood, but miles was on break and billy cursed under his breath for he knew that he would have another sexless night. he dismissed me and i got up and left the cafe. and quickly went looking for centi peter or fish cunt sam.

i walked through the streets for days before i came across the one thing that broke through my haze of reason and thinking. it was the cock clock. i saw it sticking out of the asshole of a man who was turned over, trying to sun bath on the streets on the ‘Zone. i quickly grabbed the odd feet of the cock clock and bolted off, leaving a confused man unfulfilled.

i picked the cock clock and cracked it open. there sat several doses of Buzz inside. i quickly popped the Buzz as I had learned to do on the streets of ‘Side. the world started to turn counter-clockwise. jesus fucking god, it hurt my stomach. i retched, my body hoping to expunge the toxins that i had polluted my body with. i stuck my finger down my throat, hoping to aid my body in its great purge. but then, shit, things got worse. for the world opened up and swallowed me whole.

and as i fell through the layers of the ‘Side, i felt each new foot give me pain and misery ten times worse than what i felt only moments before. i fell upon a small child, crushing him. the blood ran out in large pools and collected at my feet. it was then that i realized that the boy was me, for i had destroyed my life.

and sure enough, i looked up to see my soul running from me, its arms outstretched, screaming as it tried to head for freedom. goddamn it, it could fly. i started pumping my legs, feeling a cold sweat run down my body, trying to cool me off as I worked my body harder than it had ever worked before. the heat of the ‘Side made me sweat even more, and then i leapt, flailing my arms hoping to grab a hold of a small piece of my life back. and sure enough, i grabbed it’s tail. my life started to lead me out of the ‘Side, and i felt better and better. but i felt my buzz leaving me. and i felt disappointed. as if i had missed something. for surely there must be something more to it.

then in the back of my head i heard the voice that i would hear several more times in my life. the voice that tried to persuade me to stay. that it wasn’t so bad. everything was great. perfect, even. stop running. you love this. you don’t need the real world. just fuck it. it’d fuck you. you want it. you need it. just one more time. don’t be a pussy. a real man would try it one more time. even a real faggot would try it one more time. and am i less than a real man or a real faggot? what makes them so better than me? what is so fucking special about those motherfuckers? i can be anything i want to be, but i have to go back.

and with that i let go and plunged back into the real world. i was riding in the back of jessica’s car as she drove around Interzone. my brother, john, passed me the pill, and i took it. i swallowed it. and i could feel its magik working its way down my throat and deep into me. i felt its magik rush over my body. it affected my vision. everyone’s eyes turned weird and slanted. then i remember that my brother was oriental. then i forgot it, and his eyes returned to normal.

jessica looked back at me, a huge smile on her face. damn, she turned me on. that woman could smile and i would come in my pants and as i looked down i noticed that i had. i wiped it up for six minutes before i realized that there was nothing there.

“fucker! if you’re only gonna go ten miles over the speed limit, then get the fuck outta the fast lane!” i smiled as she yelled this. i leaned over and kissed my brother deeply on the lips. i cannot remember who slipped who the tongue, but it was in there I blinked and it was jessica. and i felt the cold touch of the stud in her tongue. i blinked again and it was ed mcman telling me that since i kissed so well i might already be a winner.

i broke off the kiss and opened the wind and started spitting out the taint that had formed there. i looked next to me and saw myself. had i been making out with myself. and then i blinked and it was john.

“john, have you been kissing me?” i asked him.

john looked at me oddly. he smacked me with the wet cold fish of reality and i remember the scales rubbing against my face. damn, the slime had rubbed off on my face, and i spent the better part of five minutes rubbing it off. damn the stench stuck on you like a goddamn curse or taint or stain or mark or cancer or plague. and i remember wondering if anyone would notice it.

and then they lit a joint and started passing it around. i noticed with all my senses that it was going around but it just didn’t register.

“dope.”

“dope.” i looked over at my brother.

“john?” i asked him.

“dope.”

“Have you....

“dope.”

...ever felt...

“dope.”

...like your smile....

“dope.”

...was going to...

“dope.”

...eat you?” john shook his head no, then grabbed the joint from marc who was now sitting in the front seat.

“when someone says ‘dope’ they mean ‘take this’.” and then john hugged me with love. and i felt perfect and whole. i felt better than any drug has ever or could ever make me feel. tears formed in the corners of my eyes and they fell with the force of atomic bombs. and then i took a drag of the joint that he had in the car. i smiled the joker smile and laughed at my own private joke that i hadn’t even made yet.

reverend craig looked oddly at me. “nigga, stop laughin’ or i’ll kill you.” i looked up at the reverend. he was a man whom i respected and loved but he had a way of making me hate him. he had this asshole tendency right under his skin, and you felt that he might tear it off and reveal his true self at any moment. suffice it to say, that i stopped laughing.

john gave me an odd look. “do what you feel like. this is your time. enjoy it.” i ripped open the car door and jumped out of it. i rolled along the concrete jungle and laughed to myself. i felt small pieces of flesh fall from my face and bits of gravel enter me, but i laughed at them. for they only teased me with what i really wanted. oblivion. i felt a car run over my soul and i fell lifeless by the side of the road. and i looked up and saw a bum. the most beautiful bum i had ever seen.

“are you hobophobic?” i laughed at this and leapt to my feet. i started laughing from the bottom of my testicles.

“you got to be kidding me. i’m bisexual.” he looked at me oddly. “will people stop looking at me oddly!” i yelled.

“i said are you hobophobic?” he asked, this time annunciating. i wrinkled my brow in confusion. “are you scared of bums?” i shook my head. i felt the feeling in my arm being replaced with pins and needles and with a slight but ever-growing pain. i feel to the ground screaming in pain and revelation. phil the bum punched me in the face and stole my wallet. never trust a fucking bum, they’ll steal your heart and your wallet.

jessica pulled up, they had doubled back just to pick me up. i got in the car and sat down. my brother punched me in the stomach then kicked me in the balls. i quickly vomited out my testicles, caught them, and slid them back inside my nut sack.

“just sit back and enjoy the ride. keep it real” john quickly said.

but then the reverend looked at me. dear god, he was talking about matt. fucker. how dare he? he talked shit about my dearly departed friend. he might as well of asked me to hurt him. “you don’t know about death.” death? i have fought the reaper. i stared down death and spat down his throat and watched as my spittle ran down his black cloak and his white skeleton. i felt the icy cold grip of death. and i have felt the warm embrace of death, like a lover who is welcoming you home. and the reverend doubts my knowledge of death? he never had to say good-bye to a blood brother did he? he never had to have a lover pass on. killing herself. sliting her throat and filling a small bowl with blood so as to not spill it on the carpet like her parents often told her to. and her parents had her burned so that they could hide her ashes upon the mantle. and tell me not to come around here.

and my blood flowed. i laughed at the reverend to his face. i spat in his face and stomped on his foot. i became an asshole and shat upon him. i then cut out his masculinity. and i laughed. i laughed as he the manily part of him whitered away. i laughed at him for all the times that he had done so to me. for he had hurt me, and i smiled at the one time that i was able to get my revenge.

but i had hurt jessica with the same strike. i felt like shit. worse than shit. if only i had listened to my brother. dear god. what have i done.

my friend was tied down to the medical table. he had several hits of Buzz running through his blood stream. i opened his chest and looked inside him. blood poured off the edges. i poked his lungs and was shocked to find that they were still rising and falling. jesus christ. i looked up at my biology teacher, mrs. williams.

“mr. warren. remove one of the ribs.” i looked her in the eyes. and my hands seemed to move independantly. i heard a loud snap and felt a squirt of blood land on my face. and a moment later i raised my hand with a sharp rib sticking out of my grip. dear god. i had ripped it off with my bare hands.

“mr. warren. remove one kidney.” i looked down and saw that his kidneys were hidden deep down. “dig.” was all my teacher could offer. i punched through several major organs and pulled my hand up with one of his kidneys.

“mr. warren. remove the bladder.” i pulled out his bladder. piss fell all over the floor. it caused a foul stench to rise from the ground. “clean that up.” i got a mop. “with your tongue. he was your friend you should honor him.” i fell to the floor and started licking the drying urine that had fallen to the floor.

“faster, mr. warren, we don’t have all day.” i licked as fast as possible, the taste of linoelum sticking on my tongue. the metallic taste mixed with the salty goodness of the urine. i looked up to see mrs. williams pouring the full colon on top of my head. the feces hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. i prayed that my friend hadn’t eaten mexican, but i was to be disapppointed. so i laid on the floor, with mrs. williams dropping human waste upon my head. she paused when my friend began speaking again, and i slowly got to my feet.

“stephen...” my friend whispered weakly, feeling the pain through his Buzz haze. tears formed in the corners of my eyes. salva started to form at the tips of his lips and leak out onto the table. i knew that he wouldn’t be alive much longer. in fact, if not for the Buzz in his system he probably would have allowed himself to slip into the warm embrace of death.

“help me.” mrs. williams stood staring at me, and all i could do was stand there and stand by as my friend lay bleeding in a pile of his own shit and piss. “please. help me.” he said after a minute passed.

“friends are for the weak, mr. warren, and we refuse to allow the weak to live. so either get up and continue your disection or you will find yourself straped to that very table.” i found there was nothing for me to do. i walked over to him, scapel in hand, where i quickly sliced his throat.

the was a loud gurgling noise as fluid and blood rushed through his adam’s apple. a twisted smile formed on my friend’s face as his soul was released from this torment. mrs. williams looked at me with a look of shock and disgust. and like lightening, her hands moved to my neck, and i found myself surrounded by darkness.

the feeling of Buzz being pumped into your veins can felt even if one is unconscious. indeed, i am willing to wager that even the dead would start to trip if you got enough Buzz going into them. and so that was how i knew that i was tripping even before i had awoken.

i felt my legs disappear. it did not feel like they were destoryed, but just as if they had gone out for milk and not yet returned. i felt the cold metal being slapped against my wrist. i struggled against it, still feeling groggy and messed up. i heard a loud tearing sound, and realized that i had torn some of the ligaments in my wrist.

i looked over at my wrist but saw only darkness. it was then that i realized that i had forgotten to open my eyes. i squinted and saw mrs. williams standing over my body, the rest of my class standing in a disobedient circle around her. i looked down and saw that i was only wearing a diaper, and that all my limbs had been clamped down to the table.

i looked at the wrist that i had only recently torn, it was twisted to an obviously uncomfortable degree. i tried to slid my hand out to no avial. i gritted my teeth, and jerked on my arm hard. the snap that issued out sounded as loud as a redwood falling in an empty forest. i bit my tongue to keep from screaming. a moment later i felt my mouth fill with blood, as i realized that i had bitten a small piece of my tongue off.

mrs. williams casually glanced over at my direction. “please restrain the test subject.” i felt my former classmates grab me and pull me down to the table. the hordes of hands that scratched my back and tugged me down to meet my fate made me feel the pull of oblivion upon my soul.

mrs. williams turned around, giant burnt wings graced her back. she reached into her pocket and pulled out a large blade. she put the tip of it against my skin, and started to rotate the blade, as if to taunt me.

there are too many people in the world. i have decided this when i sat in the restuarant area of the ‘Side and i saw several people whom i was despretally trying to avoid, and at once i realized that i had wished them all dead. and for the briefest of moments they did. i heard the screams of the damned while demons tore their souls from their bodies and tossed them around like sons and fathers playing catch. i heard the death shriek as the people who had once scorned me or made me suffer paid for the crimes they had commited against me.

i heard the atom bomb being dropped when i started munching upon my danish.