I sometimes feel insecure. Like, tiny. But that's okay, because my love for you helps me like a crutch and I get through the day just fine.
I feel small when I contemplate the world, the hugeness of the globe, and my tiny place in the scheme of things. For example, China. China is a big country, and I am not. In case it ever comes up in polite conversation, I just am not that huge. I cannot house a billion people.
No, I am not China.
I am merely France. Lonely, small France. I am barely as large as you, the mighty Texas. It really irked me in Armageddon that when the asteroid falls, it is described as big as Texas, even though, really, you and I are the same size. It could have been the meteor the size of France. It wouldn't have mattered much to change that to France. We are so similar that we used to often share the same clothes. I do not lie when I say that we often share belts. And you know that, Texas.
When you and I were little, Texas, we were so close. We are not so close anymore, due to continental drift. Now you, my brother, my blood brother, he hates me. It goes back to when we were young together, doesn't it? I held you underwater against your will. Now your some under-hydrated desert. Being of a mild climate is so much more comfortable, trust me. be sensible.
If I hadn't held you under water when we were young, then you wouldn't be so afraid of water now. You are too hot, under your collar, and everywhere else. Listen to our sister, the Bay of Mexico when she tries to comfort you, Texas. Stop spurning her undying affection unnecessarily. You are too hot headed for consolation, Texas.
I miss you, and your lovable gang of small time hoodlums, the Etats Unis. I am sorry that my dickhead tenants sold you, breaking my bonds. When we are not kept apart by oceans of distance we shall embrace, lovingly, and it will shake the Earth. I make you that promise. Even that bastard Spain (his father was definitely not MY father) even Spain cannot hold us back, my love, my eternal love, I long for that day.
Love,
France
PS Kisses to the wife Canada.
Don't mess with Texas. Go die. Love sucks.
Texas
"The barbed wire state"